If you had a still birth or late loss, how much time did you take off work?
I know I didnt take enough time for my early loss. I wanted to keep busy so I rushed back. What have you done post still birth? I'd love any advice on what to expect physically especially.
cantaloupe / 6017 posts
I'm sorry for your loss. My close friend went through this at 32 weeks. She was eligible for short term disability, and took six weeks. I remember her talking about how painful it was when her milk came in, both physically and emotionally.
You might want to consider a support group or counselor, if you are the kind of person who likes to process externally/with support.
cherry / 105 posts
I lost my first at 22 weeks and went back part time at about 5.5 weeks. I had an emergency csection. My dr cleared me because I have a desk job and I was ready to get out of the house and have a purpose again.
My milk didn't come in but I tried to avoid that by wearing sports bras and avoiding the warm water in the shower.
Many hugs to you 
pomelo / 5628 posts
I'm not sure if the rules are different in different places but a fiend of mine already her leave out after a loss at 28 weeks. She took at least a month immediately after and then took some random days after that. I know there are some really great empty cradle groups that you can find some support from. Let me know if you'd like to contact my friend. She runs support groups for others now. Hugs.
pomegranate / 3904 posts
I'm also sorry for your loss. A little different because I lost my son when he was 1.5 months old, but I went back about 5 weeks after that. Physically I was totally fine, but emotionally it was tough. For me it was good to get back to work and have a routine, but I work in a very supportive environment, so that helped.
grapefruit / 4361 posts
If I had a desk job, I'd ask the doctors how much time they'd recommend for physical leave and then tack on a week or two to that; probably 4-6 weeks total?? I took off about 7 intermittent days total, and I think it was a good amount of time... some days I needed the structure/distraction of work, some days I needed to be on the couch or bed, crying or sleeping.
You work in PR, though, so I don't know how much face-time you have to do with people. In my job as a teacher, I'd probably lean more towards 6-8 weeks; because of how I'd have to keep it together, with no room for emotional spells or a quick cry in the bathroom. If there was a part-time option, I'd definitely ask for that for a transitional period back, maybe a week or two.
Most of this is based on the understanding that I believe this should qualify under FMLA (as medical leave) and/or short-term disability.
Again, hugs We are all here to listen and talk if you want. Thinking of you and praying for you often.
pomegranate / 3604 posts
I am so sorry for your loss.
Here if your pregnancy is "interrupted" (I freaking hate that term) anytime after 20 weeks you're still eligible for your full maternity leave - 15 or 18 weeks depending on the plan you choose.
pomelo / 5129 posts
The dr suggested at least two weeks. I think I'll lean toward three. Maybe I'll offer to start working from home before returning
pomegranate / 3595 posts
I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to take the time you need. I will be praying for you and your family.
pomelo / 5326 posts
@MaryM: I'm so sorry for your loss.
My loss at 22w happened over this past Christmas holidays when I had two weeks off from work. I took an additional week off. I do wish I had taken a little bit more time. I was physically healed by then, the worst part for me was the milk coming in. It was painful, but also really emotionally draining. I will say that before I returned to work I let quite a few of my colleagues know what had happened but it was impossible to tell everyone. I got a lot of shocked faces in the new year when I returned looking very unpregnant. People didn't know what to say or how to approach me. It was really tough returning to work but my other option was to stay at home and lie in bed all day miserable. Work ended up acting as a distraction. No matter when you return it is not going to be easy and I hope you have a lot of support. I saw a therapist at my hospital who specializes in this area and she was really helpful. I still see her 9 months later.
Please know that I am thinking of you and your husband, no one should have to go through this. Unfortunately there are ladies here who have been down this road so please reach out if there is anything you need or have any questions.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
I'm so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
pomelo / 5607 posts
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something more I could say. Sending you all the love I can.
nectarine / 2028 posts
I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I think you should take all the time you need, no matter what.
grapefruit / 4361 posts
Commenting again to clarify my earlier comment, since I must have cut out a sentence or two for brevity's sake and then ending up sounding dumb:
My 7 days of intermittent leave was for an early loss (which you know, @MaryM). In no way was I suggesting that my experience would be a good rule of thumb for a stillbirth... I was more focusing on the intermittent aspect; how some days I needed work, and some days I needed home, and I was thankful to have the option.
watermelon / 14206 posts
2 years. I took it really hard. Even then, I only worked a temp job. It's been 2.5 years (with another baby in between ) and now I'm back on a career track.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
eggplant / 11824 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never been in your shoes, but I can imagine I would need to take several weeks at a minimum. Sometimes it's easier to go back to "get your mind off things", and if you end up doing that and finding you need more time - take it, and don't ever feel guilty for whatever time you end up needing.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
@MaryM: I'm so sorry for your loss. Someone I know went through this and took 3 weeks. She works in a very understanding field so she was lucky that she had people there to support her. I hope you have the same. I hope you are doing okay. Sending you a hug.
grapefruit / 4545 posts
@MaryM: I am so sorry for your loss. I had a boss at an old job go through this...around 22w. She was out for roughly 1 month - when she returned to work it was from home for 2w, then back to full-time with days off as needed.
Our overall boss was exceptional. I thought he handled the situation very well. After her loss - he sent an email to our team (with her approval) letting us know what had happened and that she wanted us to know so we were not in the dark. He asked that we not contact her and to only mention what had happened if she brought it up to us. He also provided us with the information for the firms health counselor in case we needed/wanted to discuss the situation. A couple of us girls on the team reached out to the counselor (who was in contact with my manager) and asked her to let us know when she felt it would be appropriate for us to send our condolences and a small item (a figure one girl had purchased on all our behalf).
I thought the boss informing everyone of what happened was nice bc it avoided the akward looks/questions/inappropriateness that can sometimes follow. It also saved her a lot of re-opening of the wound. I also thought it was great that he identified a "moderator" of sorts for her in the form of the counselor.
clementine / 918 posts
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I think you should take all the time you need, but that may not be as long as you think or could be longer, so if there's anyway to have your leave be more open-ended, I think that's ideal.
My situation is not the same, because I lost my son at 14 months, my body was fine. I only ended up taking 2 weeks, I just couldn't stand being home, in our house, alone and consumed by the grief. I literally needed something to live for. I actually changed from part time to full time that first week back because I needed it. I have an very understanding employer for whom every option was on the table and I am forever grateful. I could not have worked from home because all the sadness is there.
We had Lucas cremated and had a memorial about a month later and I took another week for that. I would not have wanted to work that week, that week I wanted to be alone with my grief.
Hugs and Love to you, even though it doesn't feel like it now it will get easier to remember your little one
pear / 1837 posts
So incredibly sorry for your loss.
I had a birth loss at 23 weeks, and went back to work 3 days after. I don't know what I was thinking, I wish I had taken more than that.
nectarine / 2690 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your husband are in my prayers.
olive / 58 posts
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I sat at my computer and just sobbed when I saw your update.
Our situations were different but had a loss at 23 weeks this past May (TFMR, my baby had a massive CPAM that destroyed his lungs and he was in heart failure). I chose labor and delivery following a termination procedure and consider our experience a stillbirth.
I only took two days off of work following the procedure and that was a HUGE mistake. My work environment is very unsupportive and I was expected to "get over it" right away.
But even if your work environment is supportive it's probably a good idea to take at least 2-3 weeks, unless you think the distraction of work will be helpful. It can be so hard to function in "the real world" after such a tremendous loss.
Physically, the first few weeks were really tough. My milk came in and I bled for about 3 weeks. Five months out I still don't feel "normal" - I'm still about 7 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight and at 3 months post-partum hair loss started with a vengeance (my hair is still falling out, it's such a painful reminder).
I wish there was something I could do to make the coming days/months/years less painful for you. Grief can be incredibly isolating, please feel free to wall me if I can be helpful.
pomelo / 5129 posts
For those whose milk came in, any advice?
I was ok until I took a shower yesterday and took off the sports bra. They instantly hardened.
I sent my mom for breast pads and cabbage leaves and overnighted some sage tea from Amazon.
Am I missing something?
grapefruit / 4418 posts
@MaryM: you can also try sudafed to help. Hope you're hanging in there. Sending lots of support your way.
pomelo / 5129 posts
Do I take the max dose of sudafed and just keep taking it?
I hate it because it makes me anxious and unable to sleep, but it hurts to lay down now anyway
olive / 58 posts
I wore two sports bras and wore a tightly bound ace bandage on top of that for 3-4 days. It made it easier to lie down at least. Cabbage leaves didn't seem to have any effect but I hope they work for you. I don't know if this is recommended but I had milk backing up into my armpits and it seemed to help to massage the lumps out a little bit.
Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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