When did you return to being intimate with your DH or SO? I have been to my PP appt 4 months ago and still dread intimacy. I am afraid of what it will be like after baby! I want to but feel insecure. I am EBF as well and DH is ready etc. We have had sex once and I was nervous worrying about what he thought. Please share your feelings and when you returned to being intimate... any suggestions?!!!!
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I had a friend who had some funny saying that basically said get a little tipsy first
It’s awkward when you feel funny about your body so I think it’s mostly time and repetition to make it feel normal again. EBF can make you dry so don’t be afraid of a little lube if needed (and don’t forget some kind of birth control if you’re not ready for another, even if you think you’re not ovulating!!). I think your husband is probably happy to get any action and will be focused on the fun and definitely not focused on any changes to your body!
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I think it was about 3 months pp both times (I didn't have an easier recovery with #2, but a lot of people do) but it was scarier the first time around. I second some alcohol!!
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I felt slightly weird but the big thing that bothered me was milk spraying out so you could wear a sexy bra with nursing pads if that happens and bothers you.
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Definitely lube.
Keep expectations low. Don't expect it to be particularly enjoyable and then be pleasantly surprised if it's better than expected. It will get better though.
Full disclose I had a c section so I didn't go through the same kind of trauma to my lady bits, but I still found it uncomfortable. But yea youR DH is going to be happy to be getting some and not thinking to much to how things compare to before!
Oh and my boobs were basically off limits for a looonnnng time and I'd just keep a shirt on usually. Not even just bc I was worried about leaking, they just weren't sexual to me when I was nursing.
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@petitenoisette: I do agree with the breast. I am nursing as well so they are just viewed differently. I appreciate the feedback.
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Have a glass of wine, put on a sexy bra (with nursing pads!) and just jump right in! Light some candles or turn off the lights if you feel awkward, and be prepared to laugh with your partner. Just have fun!
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Thank you ladies. This helped a lot!
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We just didn’t have sex until I stopped nursing. Well, I lie, we tried it once after my 6 week appointment and it was AWFUL. so we didn’t do it again until my son was about a year and had weaned. Luckily for me, my husband has a very very low sex drive. (The one time in my life it’s actually served me well!) Couple that with being terrified of getting me pregnant again, and he was just fine without sex. I typically have a high sex drive but nursing killed it for me.
After writing this I realize I’m no help. Haha. I agree with having a few drinks! The one time we did do it, my boobs were off limits. It was just too weird for them to be sexual for him and not sexual when my son was nursing. I just couldn’t separate the two!
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Yes to lube, yes to boobs of limits. I also often say to dh "i don't want a lot of touches" i get really full with both the boys hanging on me all day it's hard to find space for dh. Poor guy is last in line. But sometimes it's really helpful for me if he's not worried about my pleasure but knows i have a little room for him. This sounds so unsexy and maybe doesn't make a lot of sense, but it takes the pressure off me. I also ask for quick sex. Its takes ages... I am 14 months pp with ds2 and still rarely think to have sex. But i can see my interest coming back slowly. Other things that help me are things like a night out with grown ups, a dinner date, basically anything that takes me out of mom mode/baby zone. Even yoga class and getting my nails done.
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Also, it might help to get a feel for what's changed on your own first so you know your new body a little in that way before sharing it.
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@maddyz: those suggestions are great points! Taking care of myself which i need to do more!!
My pp body is different. I am down to my pre pregnancy weight( alittle smaller) but my tummy is so different. Hoping that will improve with almostvac5 month old. Hubby says it doesn’t bother him
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@Portboston: No this helped! Thank you so much!
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Lube, bra on, wine, and go slow. Realize this is not going to be great sex, but it gets way more enjoyable over time. I made a deal to stick to once a week to get our sex life back and I'm so glad I did. It ended up being better than prepregnancy
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After my first we did it at like 7 weeks I think. It was terrifying and I had like mental blocks about it, but after a few times it was back to normal. Second time I felt like I could have done it right away, but obviously had no desire. We waited until I was cleared at 6 weeks and it was easier to jump back into it the second time other then the fact I separated my
pelvis during pregnancy. Just have some wine and ease into it. I know it's probably low on the priority list, but the more times you do it the more comfortable it will become. -
@Pollywog: Did you make the deal with your hubby or with yourself? I think this is a good idea! Maybe I’ll make the deal “to myself haha” If he doesn’t know- less pressure
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We always dtd about 5 weeks pp. I’ve been lucky and haven’t had any traumatic births, and my husband loves my body in any form, but I get being self conscious. My third baby is a year old, and my boobs are a disaster, but I think they bother me a whole lot more than him.
I would definitely suggest lots of lube, some wine, and maybe a little assistance in the form of an adult toy, at least until you get back in the swing of things -
@cake2017: to myself! DH rarely has any kind of pressure or negative comment, but I knew how much I didn't want to end up in a sexless marriage and forced myself to do it for awhile with my rules. He was so shocked at 18 months post partum when we finally got into a great groove and I'd let him touch the boobs again... And then he knocked me up again and they're back to off limits
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I think we waited till 3-4 months postpartum to try. I had a traumatic birth with a huge episiotomy that took a long time to heal and I was extremely nervous. I have to say we tried 2 or 3 times and stopped after a few minutes because it was painful for me. My husband was very understanding. Eventually it did get better, but I think it's very individual what is best for you!
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I probably waited at least 3-4 months both times. The first time I tore a lot so I was just nervous. The second time I was just tired! And keep bra on forever, haha.
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We waited till 8 weeks I think, both because I was nervous about it hurting and because we didn't really have an opportunity before that. The first couple times it hurt and we stopped. Lots of lube and going slow and it got better. At 9 months PP we are still only at about once a week to once every 10 days because my drive just isn't there.
I will be the odd one out though and say I don't keep a bra on and my boobs aren't off limits. I have no problem separating them from breastfeeding when it's sexy time and they're an important part of it for us. I've never leaked during sex FWIW.
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@Pollywog: hahaha great idea! Thanks!!
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