I recently got invited to a birthday party for one of my adult friends. The invitation says it's a backyard bbq and to please bring a side item or dessert and BYOB. I found this a little odd, since it's a birthday party, and I know gifts are expected. Whenever I've hosted birthday parties, showers or any type of occasion that involves gift giving, I've always provided all the food and beverages. What do you think? Have you been invited to a potluck birthday party before?
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Gifts are expected?? I think that's pretty odd for a grown-up birthday to start. I definitely would not be up for bringing food and drinks and a gift!
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@ms.line: It didn't say on the invite anything about gifts, but this is a milestone birthday (friend is turning 30), and I know everyone who is going is planning to bring a present.
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Yeah I would think since its a milestone Bday that gifts either nice or funny would be brought. I do think it's rude to host a party of this type and ask people to bring food and drinks. I can see saying something like we will have beer, wine and soft drinks but if you'd like something else bring it. I can also see someone saying bring a chair. But side dish? That's just odd. Although we had a friend who turned 40 and wanted people to pitch in to hire a band. No if you want a band then you should pay for it.
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I don't think it's that weird for an adult birthday.
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I think it's a little rude to ask guests to bring food AND booze. Side dishes I think are totally a reasonable ask, but I think a host should supply either all the food, or the drinks. Especially if you are asking for a gift (or one is expected) on top of food.
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All parties that I've attended or hosted the person throwing it usually provides all food and beverages. Sometimes guests will bring something, but not expected.
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@aprild: That's the norm here. But not necessarily gifts. We've gone to a couple friends birthday gatherings gift-less. Some people bring a gift, some don't, whatever you feel comfortable with.
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I think it's tacky.
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Where I'm from a potluck birthday party is normal. Usually the meet is supplied, non alcoholic beverages. But gifts are never expected, only brought if you want to.
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For a kids party, I would find this odd, but for a adult party or even a family party, I wouldn't mind. I've never been big with celebrating my own birthday so I stopped having parties a long time ago. If it's a close friend, I wouldn't mind bringing a dish and getting a small gift.
I do think when you get older, you care less about the gifts and more about the people who come to celebrate. So I wouldn't think gifts are expected. If I'm turning 30, I can buy my own gifts. Gag gifts would be funny though.
Oh, if I was planning the party, I would have family chip in on getting the alcohol. I'm assuming money is an issue which is why they are asking that people bring a dish and beer. I do think they should have said bring a dish OR beer... Not a dish AND beer.
How close are you with these friends? If you aren't close, I wouldn't go.
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I think it's strange to expect gifts at an adult birthday party, AND I think it's rude for the host to ask people to bring food and alcohol. If someone asks if they can bring something, or if you tell people there will be limited beverage selections so if they want anything special they need to bring it, that's fine, but asking people to bring both goes too far in my book, especially if a gift is also expected.
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@bluestriped bee: I'm a fairly close friend, and I do plan to go to the party. I know gifts are expected, because last year they had a housewarming party where they did supply all the food and drinks, but the invitation said no gifts necessary. That made it seem more optional, although I think 85% of the guests brought a present anyway. This invitation doesn't say anything at all about presents, so I assume they are welcome. Our mutual friends already told me they are spending $30-$40 on a gift on top of bringing a side dish and whatever alcohol they want to drink. I wouldn't say this couple has an issue with money as they are constantly traveling and going out. I think it's more of a convenience thing where they are trying to make the party easier on themselves.
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It's weird to put that on ths invite. You have to bring food, drinks, and a gift? That's bad manners.
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I don't think it's odd at all, although if it was a birthday party I would probably provide the alcohol. I wouldn't think they actually expect gifts, just your company? I recently attended A similar 30th birthday party and nobody brought gifts except like their parents
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@aprild: oh, it's not a money issue? I hate being judgey but they can have it catered (just the food... Doesn't even have to be served just delivered) and it would still be easy and convenient on them. If you are close with them, I'm sure you'll have a great time.
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@Keybee: It was a Facebook invite so not very formal. It said something like, "Join us to celebrate D's 30th birthday. We'll supply the meat, so please bring a side dish/dessert and whatever you would like to drink."
Gifts weren't mentioned, but everyone I know who is going is definitely bringing one.
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@aprild: I still wouldn't necessarily think they expected gifts because of the clarification on the housewarming party invite. It's more common for people to think they are supposed to bring a present for a housewarming so maybe they thought the extra clarification was needed there. I might be giving more benefit of the doubt though since I don't think adult should expect presents lol
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@bluestriped bee: They could have it catered. Not sure why they didn't go that route - maybe they think that would make it more formal? I don't know.
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@runnerd: I suppose it's possible they aren't expecting presents, although it seems unlikely to me. Regardless, everyone I know who is attending is bringing one, so there is pressure for me to bring one as well.
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@aprild: This hasn't happened in my circle of friends so I find it tacky for a birthday party. We do this for family events to make it easier on the family that has to host and clean up because we meet up often. In this case, I think the person throwing the party is being really tacky but hope you have a good time anyway.
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I find it a bit much for a bday party.
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I do think it's odd to throw a party, invite people then not only ask people to bring a side but also to bring your own booze? Personally, we would never ask people to bring booze or food to a party! We've had close family members offer to bring something and we usually refuse and often they still do.
Unless potluck birthday celebrations are the norm in your group?
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I think it's totally fine. I will be honest, as I have gotten older, things that used to hugely bother me suddenly don't matter. In my younger days, I would have thought this was terrible, but now, not so much.
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23 comments