I'm not sure what to talk about with my OB. I have an appointment tomorrow.
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Not enjoying being a mom
Resenting my LO
Getting mad/frustrated/upset with him for things that were out of his control (crying because he was hungry/tired/needed cuddles etc)
Wishing I wasn't a mom/had waited
Crying randomly
Lacking motivation to do anything - especially chores, cooking, interactive play with LO
Fatigue
Needing LOTS of sleep... like 10-12 hours (that didn't happen :P)
Craving sweetsAre you thinking you have PPD?
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Yes and I'm also thinking LO has colic.
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Crying daily, for like 3 months
Screaming, literally, at my baby when she would cry or not nap when I wanted her to
Resenting LO, DH, and being a mom in general
Feeling like I'd made a mistake in having a baby
Lack of bonding with LO
Fatigue
Having thoughts of shaking her to quiet her. Or leaving.It all came to head one weekend where I ended up crying on the floor in the fetal position. I felt so overwhelmed. I've never in my life felt like I was completely falling apart. It was really scary. It took me sobbing on my OBs voicemail for her to finally prescribe me Zoloft. Between that and some therapy (and my LO growing out of her colic/fussiness) I feel SO much better. If you think you need help, don't be afraid to ask. And if your OB doesn't believe you (like mine) push to get help. It's so important for you, LO and your family.
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I'm pretty sure I have it. She cries, then I cry. And lately she cries A LOT. A week or so ago it went to every night. Now it's every time she wakes up. I'm actually getting mad at her which makes no sense. She was such a good baby for almost the first month, and then just fussy at nights, and now this...I am waiting for the pediatrician to call back.
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Oh, also, did anyone notice their symptoms were worse in the mornings? I feel so hopeless in the AM but a little better when we get her down at night, when I usually know I'm going to get a little sleep. Also when DH is coming home. But the mornings (even when DH is home) are bad.
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I would say I struggled with PPD off and on for the first 6 months or so. Our baby cried non-stop for the first 4 months and refused to sleep unless it was on me. She also cried unless I held her all the time--she wouldn't even let my DH hold her at times. My symptoms were crying, feeling like I was literally dying to get some sleep, headaches all the time, feeling like I never got a break, having thoughts of leaving, feeling really lonely/ alone, feeling like I was a bad mother, feeling hopeless when my daughter would just cry and cry, screaming at her to stop crying a couple of times and then guilty about that, and feeling like I didn't even have the energy to get dressed. I do remember it being worse in the mornings when I'd wake up not even close to refreshed, and be terrified I wouldn't have the energy to make it through the day. I also had really good days, so I'd get confused as to whether I really did have PPD.
I promise, it does get better. I still have my days, but as the baby gets older and you get the hang of everything, it gets easier. Getting out of the house, even if you don't feel like it at all, helps tremendously. Also, if you need help, whether it's a babysitter so you can have a nap or meet a friend for coffee, therapy, or meds, don't feel bad about asking for it and getting it--be sure to remember you need to take care of yourself, too. xoxo.
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For me I think it was worse at the day went on. I was ok in the morning, but as the day went on, and she refused to nap, it got worse. I'd find myself looking at the clock and counting down the hours til DH got home. Then I'd cry to him about how awful of a mother I was. Mondays were the worst after having help from DH all weekend, I always got really anxious about being along with LO again. I would try to map out my week and have things to do or somewhere to go, even if it was just to Target to wander around. I tried to not be alone the whole day with LO, so I'd go to my parents house or have someone come over, even if just for a bit.
In the early months she cried all the time so I felt I could never go anywhere, which really made things worse. Once I made more of an effort to get out of the house, even just to push the stroller around the block, I felt much better. I learned that sometimes she's just gonna cry, but I have to get out of the house so I don't go crazy.
I'm sure everyone has told you it will get better.....and it does. Your baby will calm down. You will get the hang of things better. You'll start to feel like yourself again, bit by bit. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
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- Extreme anxiety, Fixation, hopelessness over certain things that are not successful (such as breast feeling, naps)
- mad at baby
- mad at everyone
- crying
- feeling like I wanted to forcefully get LO to do something ( even though I never did)
- all is going on for more than first few monthsIt gets better for sure but you should definitely talk to OB!
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-Sobbing uncontrollably several times a day.
-A constant feeling of dread.
-Constant anxiety and inability to relax - like, even when LO was napping I would spend the whole time worrying about when she would wake up next.
-Wishing I could walk away and start a new life away from LO.
-Yelling at LO when she would cry and telling my husband that I didn't even like her, let alone love her.
- This one is awful to actually have to type out, but... thinking about hurting LO. Like, wanting to shake her or worse. Honestly, this one was what pushed me towards seeing your doctor.It's baffling to me that so few women talk about this, even though the statistics tell us that a decent number of women go through it. You are doing the right thing by seeking help and I wish you all the best! I know you will look back on these days and you will hardly believe how far you have come. Hang in there!
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Another thing: it's so important to surround yourself with people who are supportive! I remember going to visit a friend when LO was about 2 months old, and her daughter was 7 months old. She asked how I was doing and I did the whole, "Oh, it's rough, but we're doing okay and I'm sure it will get better" etc. She looked me in the eye and said, "Don't do that thing that new moms do where they brush everything under the rug and act like things are fine. This shit is hard and you should be able to say that and not be judged for it." I loved her so much for saying that - it was like she was giving me much-needed "permission" to own up to my feelings.
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@meredithNYC: I totally agree, it seems taboo to talk about it, even though so many women go through it. I had trouble admitting to myself that I couldn't just remedy the situation myself like I have my entire life and sat on my meds for months before admitting I needed help, and I'm glad I finally got it! I (and My entire family) was so much happier as a result.
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@googly-eyes: Hang in there, mama. It will get better, I promise you that.
My symptoms were similar to those already mentioned (I'll probably write a full-on post about it).
Like you, I felt absolutely hopeless in the mornings. Mornings were the hardest. I felt like I couldn't face the day (because I didn't know what it would bring) and it took everything I had to just get out of bed.
I've heard that if you're most depressed in the mornings, it is usually chemical/brain chemistry related and if you're most depressed before bed, it is usually circumstantial and not chemical.
Don't beat yourself up about this. Post-partum depression is more common than you think - it's just that people rarely talk about it. I didn't realize there were so many other women suffering from PPD until I went on the internet forums, because very few of my friends ever dealt with this. My sister had terrible PPD (was almost hospitalized), but she also has a history of depression. Having someone around who had actually been through PPD and came out on the other side of it gave me hope. You're not a bad mom. You're not out of control. Your hormones and brain chemistry are just doing some wacky things to you, and over the next few weeks and months, you should begin to feel more and more like yourself and not like a crazy lady.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. We all need help. All new moms, just some of us need it more than others, and that is okay.
There is light at the end of the tunnel! I've had this in my blog ideas for some time and I think I'll put up a post soon. And if you have more PPD questions, it seems that there is an online community here on Hellobee who have experienced PPD who can help and answer questions and provide encouragement.
Hang in there. Day by day.
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@Mrs Checkers: Please do write a post! That would be great.
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Yeah, pretty much exactly what @Coco Bee: said. That's pretty much how I felt also.
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@googly-eyes: By the way, how did your appointment go? I hope you are feeling better!
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@meredithnyc Update! Well I went to my appt. DH came with and we had a family member babysit for us to run errands. I explained some of the symptoms to the Dr and she referred me to a counselor. But she also explained that since I recently stopped pumping and went to formula it could be my hormones getting back to their regular prepregnancy normal levels. That could explain why I definitely had "baby blues," then it went away, and then I started having these signs. So I've decided to wait a week or so and see if I'm feeling better. I woke up this AM with still the same anxiety even though DH did most of the night stuff last night. But we got to go out today while my MIL babysat, and I feel mentally refreshed and ready to deal with all things baby for now. So in the week or so that I'm waiting this out, I have gotten today's babysitting, plus a friend is coming over at least on Monday to keep me company for a little bit, etc...I'm trying to be open about it with those who seem to understand.
All of your comments are very comforting to me. I really feared PPD before giving birth but didn't *really* think I'd ever have the symptoms or really even the baby blues. So it sort of took me by surprise. (Don't all things parenting?)
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I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better!
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@erinpye Feeling ok but have another appointment tomorrow...working on it though!
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It will take some time, but each step brings you closer to feeling more like "you." I've heard the switch from BF to formula is really a big deal hormonally, too, so remember that is a big part of it. Go easy on yourself and celebrate the little victories: waking up and not feeling sad, realizing at the end of the day that you made it and you were OK, not crying when normally you would have. You will get there, mama, and it's OK to talk about how hard it is in the meantime and ask for help and support.
PS: Regarding baby's colic, do you have a wrap like a Moby? It really was an instant calming effect if I could get LO into the wrap and wear her around, and the wrap worked better than a carrier like a Bjorn--probably because it gets baby closer to you. Also, we wouldn't have gotten through the first few months without a hammock--we'd pop LO in it and swing it. She loved it, which surprised us because she hated her swing.
One other thing you might look at, and I did a whole post about it recently: is your babe tongue-tied or lip-tied? I know it might seem far-fetched, but about 15% of the population, or more, is tied, and babies with ties can't eat correctly and swallow a lot of air, causing reflux and of course, colic. It causes all kinds of breastfeeding problems, they won't settle, nap well, etc. Took us 6 months, 3 doctors who said our LO wasn't tied, and finally a skilled IBCLC (Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant) to diagnose her ties. Once we got them corrected, different baby: happy, content, settled, sleeps well, nurses well, gains well, and the reflux and colic vanished.
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Definitely continue to seek help. There migh be some factors that contribute that you can eliminate over time, but having help and/or more company at home will hopefully be a helpful first step. You are not alone and you are not a bad mom!!! I didn't have PPD, but was recently diagnosed with depression and started medication. It's really hard for me to not feel like I am a bad wife and mom. But it is what it is, and I'm accepting that I need help and that is ok. Hope you are feeling better soon. *hugs*
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@googly-eyes: Glad to hear that you are making some positive steps towards feeling better! Even now that LO is 5 months old and thus, quite a bit easier, it still helps my week go way better when I am able to have company - like visiting friends or having them visit me. Being with a baby all day can be isolating, for sure. It doesn't have to be, though.
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@googly-eyes: Great news that things are on the up and up. Do you guys think we should start a PPD support thread? For people who know/think they have (or had) PPD?
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@T-Mom: I think that is a great idea!
I just wrote a post on my experience with PPD for HB and will be writing my next few posts on it just to share with the community.
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@T-Mom: We should totally start one!
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Update again... Well, I officially have now been diagnosed and start taking medication tonight. Hopefully things get better from here! I know taking care of a NB is tough, but I hope that I can at least start enjoying some moments more...
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@googly-eyes: Hugs to you, and good for you for taking the first step! Hopefully the medication will kick in QUICK!
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@Mrs Checkers: @keiki_mama: Ok I started one! I don't know if I categorized it correctly though. I put it under "Your Health" but maybe it should go under Postpartum. Feel free to move if it's not in the right place!
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Waking up feeling miserable and overwrought. Total lack of energy not entirely related to bad overnight sleep. Total disinterest in things I love.
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So when are these symptoms PPD and when are they just part of the adjustment period? LO is only 11 days, so Im guessing I'm still adjusting, but I've got some serious anxiety, can't sleep, no appetite, thinking we made a mistake having a child, and Im feeling majorly overwhelmed with lots of crying - pretty much all the time for the last 48 hours. If it's PPD, I want to do something about it because I want to feel better, but if it's just the adjustment period, then I'll suck it up and get through it somehow. How do you know the difference?
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@Mrs. Tricycle: My guess would be that you are still in the baby blues period. It's so so hard in the beginning, I still remember crying non-stop, especially when DH went back to work and my mom stopped coming over. However, a lot of ladies have been sharing about post partum anxiety lately, and I am not sure about those symptoms. If you feel like you could do something to injure the baby, you should give your nurseline or OB a call right away. Sending you a big virtual hug...
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@Mrs. Tricycle: I had a hard time figuring that out in the beginning too. I was very weepy during the first 2 weeks, but it wasn't really until Week 3 when I felt like I was losing my mind. I shared a lot of the same symptoms, no appetite (I had to basically force-feed myself, but I even had a hard time swallowing and felt sick every time I had to eat), I was barely sleeping at all, my anxiety was through the roof, and I felt very overwhelmed as well.
Like T-Mom said, the beginning is the hardest! I know the adjustment period is different for everyone, and I've known some moms to just suck it up and tough it out. But for me, I really came to the point of desperation...I wasn't really sleeping at all which made everything worse. I posted several entries on PPD and sleep, but I became obsessed with sleep (which did not help my anxiety), thinking I would never sleep again. Take heart, this is untrue and the beginning is the hardest. You will sleep again.
I knew something wasn't right with me. I was not myself, I could not function, I was in a fog...I couldn't make simple decisions, and I was crying all day long. I think if it lasts for another week or two, perhaps you may want to talk to your OB or primary care doctor about how you're doing. Also, if you do not want to go on meds or want to look into other options first, you may want to check out some PPD support groups in your area, or try to spend some time with mom friends if you have any near by.
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, and becoming one is a complete shock to your system and life. Believe it or not, you are doing a good job I'm sure. Hang in there. It WILL get better! If you'd like to talk more, I'd be happy to give you my email.
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