Any tips/advice/book recommendations for helping a 4.5 year old who is obsessed with being first in everything she does at home? First to get to the bathroom to brush teeth. First to get her shoes. First to get to the table. First to get on the couch to read a book. She's always been a little competitive, but recently she's taking this "first" thing to a new level. She's not this way at school or with friends, it's just at home with her little sister (2.5) so I know it's something with that dynamic. But my usual strategies for taking turns, working together to do things, etc. just aren't cutting it anymore.
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@caitcat: I don't have any tips--my youngest is exactly like this. And she has enormous meltdowns when she isn't first. But she's my second kid, and I always assumed this was a way for her to be better at something that her older sister. But your experience blows my theory out of the water. Maybe it's just their personalities?
I have tried everything--we talk about the fact that being first is not important, I purposefully completely avoid competitive tasks/races/whatever between them. Sometimes my husband will try to get them to race to do something---like race to the bath, or race to get dressed, if they are stalling. But I always shut that down, because my 2nd kiddo just can't handle it. She's both a bad winner AND a sore loser.
It's just something we have to keep talking about I guess, and hope that one day it sinks in? She's also not like this at school.
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@caitcat: My 4yo also always has to be first. He insists on having the bowl of cereal that was poured first. The first snack. He is obsessed with racing and he cheats or bends reality so he always wins. We talk about the behavior a lot and that being first isn't everything. I don't think we're making strides there but we're making progress in being a good "winner". No loser talk, no gloating, saying nice things to the other person. There's also a lot of 'disqualifications' for non sportsman like behavior.
The upshot for me is that he is LO2 and my 6yo is learning how ridiculous it looks.
The older kids in the neighborhood are starting to take my little guy down a few pegs (kindly and gently). DS is much much more receptive to hear about fairness and winning/losing from them because he's so eager to play with them.
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@Anagram: Totally going through this with my 2nd who is almost 3. Melts down if she isn't first to go upstairs to brush teeth, or go downstairs for school in the morning. No reasoning helps; basically my almost 5 year old knows to always let her sister go first, which is not what I want but that's just how we're dealing with it. How old is she now and is she still like that? Any tips?
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@Anagram: I expected this to be more of a second kid thing too! I almost feel like my older one is annoyed by how capable her little sister has become at this stage, and this is her way of staying more in control of the situation...but some of it is just in her personality, I think! I'm hoping that gradually everything we've talking about and trying to model sinks in and being first isn't the big deal it is now.
@corduroy: I'm kind of hoping my daughter will do a bit of this with friends, because I think she'd adjust the behavior more for them than she will for her sister.
The first bowl of cereal cracks me up - we had a meltdown this morning because the pieces of french toast popped out of the toaster at the same time (imagine that!) and my older one just so happened to be watching. She was devastated because she wanted hers to be the first piece out. @graceandjoy: I hear you on not wanting one of the kids to just let the other go first...my younger one readily gives in about half the time and says, "I'll be second! Second's my favorite!" While it makes it easier sometimes, it's not the dynamic I want to set.
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@caitcat: I know! The other day my older one is like I never get to be first. And I felt so bad b/c she's always giving in to her sister (both her & us) to avoid meltdowns.
The first bowl of cereal cracks me up - we had a meltdown this morning because the pieces of french toast popped out of the toaster at the same time (imagine that!) and my older one just so happened to be watching. She was devastated because she wanted hers to be the first piece out. Reply
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