I'm at my IL's for a cookout right now, but I'm hiding because so far his grandmother & mom have touched my belly asking when we're going to make a baby for them. They keep nagging & I wanna cry because I have no idea what to say. I wanna scream, 'I'm trying! It's not always that easy!' but I can't say that 
Do you get pressure from your families?? What do you say to them?
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
We did get pressure from my husband's family and it really pissed me off. Luckily it was all before we started trying so it wasn't as emotional. If I were you I would say something like "sometimes that's not as easy as it looks". Hopefully they will take the hint that they are being incredibly rude and they'll shut up about it.
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
Usually I keep quiet, until I can't stand it anymore. Then I usually blurt something out along the lines of "You make one, if its so easy." or "Even the doctors can't knock me up." That doesn't go over well.
I suggest maybe having DH talk to them? Just mention that you are trying but its difficult? Or that you're sensitive about that. Not sure - we still get questions but I'm much more candid now.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
I HATED that and would respond very rudely to get the message across that their actions are not acceptable. If someone was rude enough to ask me that, I would respond equally as rude.
cantaloupe / 6397 posts
Thankfully we never got this, I was so vocal about us waiting for 2 years after the wedding. We quietly started trying about 7 months after we got married. Now our parents know we're trying since they know about the miscarriage, but they're sensitive enough not to ask about it.
I don't really have any advice for you. If you're comfortable, maybe have your husband talk to them. I know I am very private and don't want everyone knowing we're trying, so I would just try to grin and bear it... Sorry that's probably not very helpful
cantaloupe / 6610 posts
When I got harassed, I just started saying, "We're working on it, but it's not as easy as everyone makes it out to be!" Like kind of half-joking, keeping it light....But the message always got through.
Since it's your family, I would say that to get through TODAY, and then I would have DH talk to them and explain that that you guys are working on it, and to please not ask you about it anymore because it's an emotional topic and makes you uncomfortable since it isn't happening as quickly as you want it to...
I felt so much better once people knew I was trying. I think people are naturally sympathetic, and are more understanding than we tend to think they'll be...At least that was the case for me!
pomelo / 5073 posts
It's so hard! I got some pressure from my younger sisters and they backed off when I would actually talk to them about what we were doing to try and have a baby. They would not want to hear the details, so they eventually stopped. Now, after our miscarriage, they are super careful about saying anything. Some of hubby's family have started to ask about when we will have some happy news to tell. : /
apricot / 483 posts
ugh, i totally hate that, and i never know how to respond (since we haven't told anyone that we're trying) - i naturally go a little snarky, so i have to try to keep that in check - it's hard because i know logically that they don't know how long we've been trying and that it's not been the easiest, it's just a sucky situation all around
my go to response now is "you'll definitely know when it happens" - it makes people feel like theyre still involved, without putting any time of time constraint or anything on it
bananas / 9628 posts
Thanks ladies! I feel a little better hearing your responses:)
Fertility is very important in DH's culture, they've brought it to my attention that where they are from, even though DH & I are married, it's not official until we have a son and that he would be encouraged to take another wife if I failed to give him one- not that he ever would, but they still like to point this out to me. No pressure! 
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
As soon as we got married we started getting questions. I finally told everyone over Christmas that I wasn't going to tell them when we were trying. It is a personal thing between us, ajd they didn't need to know anything. It seemed to have shut them up for 6 months now. Granted my cousins wife is pregnant again so I think that is helping. They will have another baby in the family soon.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
@mrs. bird: yikes. I don't know how you handle that. I personally wouldn't be able to control my sass and I would inform them that it's up to his little swimmers to determine the gender so maybe they better talk to him. Or better yet... Worry about their own sex lives and marriages!
bananas / 9628 posts
@MamaMoose: hahahaha =D worrying about themselves would cause too much stress, they prefer to pick other people apart!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
How awful! Luckily I'm the youngest in my family and my older brother was married so I could push the pressure onto them. Now I feel awful about that because now I know they were trying for years and ended up doing ivf.... but at the time I had miscarried and really hated people talking to me about having babies.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
My mom started nagging me a year into our marriage and we've started TTC recently, but sadly, no baby yet. Now my closest friends are inquiring. They need to know we want a baby morer than they do. Everytime I've O-ed and POAS it was near a holiday, mother's day, father's day, and now fourth of July. I keep thinking of awesome ways to reveal my BFP, but yea...
pomegranate / 3716 posts
I get lots of pressure from both of our families now. Initially, it was just DH's family asking questions for the last 3 years and my parents were pretty low key. But now they've definitely been asking this year! Keep in mind we are reaching our 5 year wedding anniversary this fall! Recently I broke down and told my parents we're trying now, and my mom likes to say, "Keep working on your 'project'!"
It's also a hot topic amongst my group of friends. I am fine talking about it in small numbers, like when I'm with the girls (our group consists of multiple couples and a few single people). But the other week when we were in a group of about 8 people, one of the guys asked me if we were trying yet and when we're going to start, and it made me feel very uncomfortable I can't even remember what I said but probably brushed it off...
apricot / 302 posts
I hate this for you. We haven't really had any pressure from anyone, so its been nice, but I can imagine how it must feel to be trying and having family breathing down your neck at the same time!
If it were me, I would just tell them that my uterus is none of their business.
apricot / 426 posts
I found that telling certain people (in confidence) that we were trying and that it was taking some time tended to limit their constant questions and intervening.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
We aren't trying yet, but my dad asks if I "have any news" every time I talk to him or see him. So for now, it's easy for me to blow him off about it, but once we start trying and if it takes a while, it could get really hurtful. I'd probably have to say something blunt, since he isn't one to pick up on subtle hints.
My mom doesn't say things directly to me, but I'm sure she asks my sister about it, since she is already asking me when my sister will have another baby, since she 'isn't getting any younger'. Her son is only 16 months and they are in the middle of selling and buying a new house!
My inlaws are much more subtle. My MIL in particular has never brought it up unless I mention something first. Even though I KNOW she would be so thrilled to be a grandma.
honeydew / 7504 posts
It's so hard! Hubs's cousins were the WORST. I finally started responding that we'd have a baby when they stopped asking.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I would probably say you know when it happens it happens, and walk away. Sometimes people don't realize their pressuring can really be hurtful.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
We get passive aggressive comments from family. Both of our Mom's like to tell us stories about 'someone they know' who had tons of trouble conceiving because they waited too long. Then they ramble off statistics about how much harder it is (and bad for the baby) to get pregnant after 30. Then they follow it up with telling us why they are so glad THEY had kids in their 20's. I just pretend like I don' trealize it's directed at me and say "Oh how horrible for that girl! Yes it must been great for you to have babies at a young age" It's so funny to me that both of them do this to us and have no idea the other is doing the exact same thing 
Strangers and coworkers are the worst though. For some reason they have NO problems asking super personal questions that are very difficult to answer. And usually if I just say something like "Oh we'll have to start thinking about that soon" it only prompts them to ask several follow up intrusive questions.
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
I'm starting to hate this.. I usually say in a bit of an exasperated tone, "Well, we're working on it...." cause there's absolutely no way for people to respond once they know 1) you're trying already and 2) it's not working and you're frustrated. Most people don't ask a second time after that.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I get a lot of when are you going to give your LO a sibling questions now..um, she is only 6 months old! I suspect this will only get more heated as she gets older!
cherry / 103 posts
I get A LOT of this, but it's almost all from my mom and grandmother, and has really increased since my grandfather passed away about 6 weeks after our wedding, so I know it's coming from a place of my grandmother really wanting to see her great-grandchild (I'm the oldest grandchild and my kids will be her first great-grands and my parents' first grands). So I try not to get too frustrated - I mostly just laugh it off and say "we haven't even been married a year yet!" or tell them "you'll certainly be the first to know (other than DH obvi)!" I definitely think I would react differently if the pressure was from more extended family or my in-laws though. I feel like that would be more stressful!
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