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@LindsayInNY: It used to bother me that the meditations would put me to sleep, but I finally realized that it wasn't a total waste. I was still getting some kind of relaxation out of it and now when I'm in pain I at least know how to do the breathing exercises - that was as far as I got in the meditations! It's been helpful for me over the years to read self-help books (often about mindfulness) to learn new strategies for diffusing my reaction to the day-to-day stuff.

Honestly I've read about that research too and I don't think it's really the cause of most IF. But if there's something sensory you connect with, that might be a good way to let go of the worries IF is causing you. Like if you like massage, it can't hurt to get regular massages...they have a way of helping to release emotions.

@LindsayInNY: I think for me the big thing was knowing I was stressed out. So I'm glad you finally realized you are stressed out because that's a lot of the battle. Excising will definitely help! Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

*hugs*

I've also been doing castor oil packs and warm baths woth epsom salts before ovulation and I find them so relaxing. The book Making Babies has some great tips too. Good luck love! And Remember its not all on you! A lot of people conceive under great stress. Don't stress yourself out worrying about stress. Easier said than done I know.

Could it be anxiety?

@LindsayInNY: I don't have specific suggestions for you but I'm really happy to hear that you're making this a priority. Speaking from personal experience, I say do ANYTHING to reduce your stress.

I was one of those people who "thrived" on pressure and stress all my life. All nighters, pushing on deadlines, etc. And not surprisingly, I'm an attorney. We also had problems conceiving and over the course of a year, we suffered 2 miscarriages.

Then at 31, I got diagnosed with a benign brain tumor. I had surgery for it, spent weeks in ICU, and then spent months recuperating at home. It was the hardest thing I had ever done up until that point.

The reason I'm sharing this is that I really think stress played a huge role in how fast my tumor developed. I'm not saying that my stress caused the tumor, but I truly believe it made it worse. The type of tumor I have is extremely slow-growing and the typical patient is in their 50s or 60s before its detected, if at all. My doctors were SHOCKED by the size of my tumor and how young I was. They guessed that I'd had the tumor for at least 5 years just based on my health history, which coincides with when I traded my 80-hour a week job to go to law school.

What cemented this for me was when I went back to work. I found that after spending months recovering and basically not worrying about anything other than waking up, showering, and taking care of myself, any kind of stress instantly made me physically ill. Slamming on my brakes in traffic, dealing with a difficult client, getting into an argument with DH - anything remotely stressful immediately manifested physically somehow. Headaches, dizziness, exhaustion.

My recovery basically reset my system to zero-stress tolerance and made me see how stressful my day to day life had been. Since then I've made drastic lifestyle changes. I go home early, I don't put in extra hours unless absolutely necessary, I'm willing to take a pay cut or change jobs, I say no a lot to social obligations and professional events, I take care of my relationship with DH, and we take frequent vacations. I've reduced alcohol and caffeine consumption and spend a lot more time praying and keeping my mind and spirit calm. We are extremely frugally now and basically live on 25-30% of our income. We slashed our budget to get rid of our student loan debt as quickly as possible so that we wont have to worry about money in the future. Its just not worth it.

Oh, and as a side benefit, a year after surgery, we found out we were pregnant and we're almost 17 weeks now.

A second vote for therapy. It will help you figure out what stresses you out and why, help you identify triggers, find (healthy) coping mechanisms, etc. I also agree that it could be anxiety.

@LindsayInNY: Full disclosure: i'm a therapist. so obviously i have a bias here. But this is why I think stress / anxiety are interchangeable. I think "stress" has become the socially acceptable way to refer to anxiety for many people, particularly men and people in high power positions.
But, technically I think stress is event specific, and generally associated with anger, frustration, nervousness, and tenseness. Anxiety is more of a fear or a worry, a feeling that something bad is going to happen, and is often pretty constant (maybe at low levels, with spikes). Anxiety would continue once the stressor was gone. So, if its work that is making you feel this way and you took a vacation, you'd still experience some of the feelings if it was more related to anxiety.

Regardless, a good therapist can help with both. I know its hard to find time for therapy, but I can speak from personal experience and say that once you find a good one, it can be life changing. I've experienced anxiety at various times in my life, the strongest being during pregnancy. I found an excellent therapist, and after maybe 5 months of working together found significant relief from my symptoms. I still experience it occasionally, but am much more able to relax myself, and use a variety of methods to lower my anxiety.

Have you tried progressive muscle relaxation? I see a therapist for my anxiety and it is one of the techniques that I find most helpful.

ETA: This is the guided PMR that I use most often. It is only 10 minutes long and having someone guide me through helps me stay focused.

A few things that help me:

Playing guitar (this always reduces my stress- singing and playing guitar, out of key, out of tune, not letting it matter, just playing a song that I like- does wonders for me- puts me in the moment-) I find it really freeing.
Time outside, specifically walking. Or going for a run.
Identifying when I feel stress and breathing and trying to relax through it.
Venting to dh (who by nature is very non-judgemental person).
Swimming and climbing (sports that are more personal than competitive, but that I can still take a lot out on).
Definitely avoiding triggers- people and or places.

I wouldn't worry about that research. That would just stress me out! I would intentionally ignore it. Stress about stress is just too much.