Has anyone ever taken a leave of absence or anything similar from work? What was your experience?
you know, asking for a friend....
Has anyone ever taken a leave of absence or anything similar from work? What was your experience?
you know, asking for a friend....
watermelon / 14467 posts
I have not, but a coworker took a leave of absence following her divorce. Our employer allowed her to work part-time from home during that time so she wouldn't lose her insurance coverage.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I would take the time if you need it.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@avivoca: Thanks. I don't know a single person who's ever done it. It seems pretty taboo as far as I can tell. I have an appointment with my doctor on Friday about it, but I just don't even know where to begin with it all.
pomegranate / 3895 posts
I have not, but my husband's coworker did. His employer was incredibly flexible and maintained total confidentiality. They said he was just taking a leave of absence and had an unknown return. We only know it was a medical leave for stress because his coworker told my husband upon return.
I'll be thinking about ... your friend. I had horrible PPA and know how hard working, being a wife / mother, and just taking care of yourself can be.
pomegranate / 3032 posts
isnt that the point of FMLA - by law you can take up to 12 weeks unpaid to care for a family member or yourself. I dont know the specifics but i did have a coworker who used it when she had to go to court ordered rehab following a DUI. I dont know if you'll need a referral to qualify.
grapefruit / 4079 posts
@.twist.: I'm so sorry for... Your friend. This time around I'm having horrible PPD/PPA. I believe, if I needed I could use a leave or maybe FMLA? A teacher I work with takes a two month leave every year December and Jan. No one is sure why but we know it's for mental health. Our district has always been very accommodating.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Chillybear: I am in Canada. We don't have FMLA. We have a leave of absence which can be for up to 17 weeks with your job protected. It does need to be a referral though. I'm more asking about people's experiences... if it was helpful, how people took it, etc. I should have been more clear in my original post.
watermelon / 14467 posts
@.twist.: It was helpful for my friend. The circumstances were horrific.
pear / 1955 posts
One of my coworkers took a leave of absence, and left the job a few months after returning - my understanding was that it helped while off, but not in the long run.
persimmon / 1427 posts
I know 2 people who have taken a LOA partially due to stress. One person was dealing with a chronic health condition that was exacerbated by stress (especially from work). The other person was experiencing grief due to a loss, but the stress of work plus the grief was more than she could handle. In both cases it was a medical leave of absence covered by short term/long term disability (I think).
pomelo / 5628 posts
I did in in a backwards way to stay out longer while my son was in the NICU...so that I could actually take my sick pay. I had to go to a weekly group therapy session after an initial interview/counseling session. The people were out for all kinds of different reasons...
I wouldn't think more than one person would know why you were out...it could be for any health issue.
grapefruit / 4545 posts
I work with several people in Europe where this seems to be a more common thing than here in the US. That said...I have seen people with two kinds of results:
1) They take the leave and literally just recoup...not actually work on fixing the issue(s). These people (the two that I have worked with) have slipped into a cycle of taking frequent leaves to "cope" with things. To me it seems they must be literally just taking a mental break - not trying to solve the issue. So a few months after returning to status quo they feel the same all over again.
2) Another co-worker of mine, who I am closer to, shared some of her experience with me. While on leave she did a lot of soul searching to really "solve" the issues. She came back a different person. She changed her role at the company and you could tell she had really sorted some things out. She has not taken another leave (that I know of - she does live 4k miles away) but it seems to have really helped her. On her leave she mentioned she met with a counselor as well as took some time to take a trip by herself (she had not kids at the time)...I think she truly approached it as a time to heal herself and redirect her life to avoid it happening again and she seems to have had the best results.
grapefruit / 4997 posts
I took a 3 month leave of absence to go overseas to visit my dad who was very ill. The doctors faxed over the hospital paperwork showing what his complications were. Everything was in Vietnamese so I translated it to the best of my knowledge and had it notarized. I then submitted it to HR and got approved the same day. I came back to work without issues. Hope you get the rest you need!
pineapple / 12802 posts
@raspberries: This is what I'm worried about.
@Bluebonnet: Thank you. I'm dealing with, almost a combination of your two examples.
@Mrs Green Grass: Thank you. I have a feeling everyone would know. Our office is like gossip central, unfortunately.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Mrs D: Thanks. Unless I manage to find a new job, not a whole lot will get fixed. There are no jobs in my industry, at the moment. I can't quit, we need my income. There's no changing departments, we are a small company of 10. I'm not sure what stress leave will accomplish for me, but I do know that I need out before I have a nervous breakdown.
grapefruit / 4545 posts
@.twist.: Well then its survival...and you have to look out for you first because no one else at work is going to...in a company that small you wont be able to avoid office gossip (I find it so pathetic that grown ups par-take in this type of behavior but its the sad reality)....but my approach would be f*ck 'em...look out for you. You'll be protected by your laws...take the time you need to recover/heal/regroup...
nectarine / 2821 posts
@.twist.: wish you the best. I think it takes a strong person I recognize they need this. I hope figuring out the details and logistics adds a minimum amount of stress to the situation.
pomegranate / 3863 posts
@.twist.: Sending you lots of love my friend! I have no experience or advice except to say that I work in a super small company of less than 20 so I know how nothing is secret. Take care of yourself!!
pomelo / 5573 posts
I have two friends who have taken stress leave (in Canada), both to deal with mental health issues, with varying results. One was able to spend the time getting help and finding a balance of medications that worked for her, and went back to work feeling really good. It helped that she really liked her job, I think. The other one did not like her job, her coworkers are horrible, and while she felt better after the time away once she returned it all pretty much went back to how it had been before, with the addition of her HR people having gossiped about her to managers so now she felt like people were talking about her behind her back.
I just reread what I've written and I'm not convinced it's at all helpful to your situation but I think that if you feel like you're at a breaking point you change what you can about the situation in the short term and then use that time to figure out what will help in the longer term.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Kimberlybee: @lovehoneybee: @junebugsmama: @Alivoo01: @petunia354: Thank you, all. I'm such a downer lately, I do appreciate the support!
@erinbaderin: Thank you! It was helpful. I am seeing a therapist already. She's helping me figure out what I need to change in my life but in the meantime, I can't be here. It's suffocating me. I hope that if I do take some sort of leave, it will give me enough time, or a plan, or something so that even if I do have to come back here, it will only be short term. I would be gone already if our industry was moving at all, but there are just lay offs after lay offs and no one is hiring. I'm stuck.
I know people are talking about me already. I'm really not at my best and people are starting to notice and comment. I just don't even know what else to do.
eggplant / 11716 posts
@.twist.: I have a coworker who was gone for 6 weeks to do an intensive outpatient program for severe depression. And then she was back! I think everyone that knows her knows she made a good decision.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
My cousin took an extended leave for his mental health. He was stressed at home and work. The leave helped quite a bit.
pear / 1657 posts
@.twist.: DH is going through a very similar situation right now. He is also in a field where there are very, very few jobs and many, many people applying for them. He is miserable in his current job and with his current boss, as a result he is really struggling with stress and depression. I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult place. Big hugs
We haven't considered a leave, but it is not a bad idea.
Here is what we are doing. DH is starting with therapist to help him manage the stress and emotions. We are also looking into meeting with a career counselor or manager who may be able to help him figure out what other industries or professions he could translate his skills into. We are also starting to think about what plan B for him could be if he leaves his field. He is attending some open houses for graduate schools and training programs and looking into things like web development bootcamps. The hope is if he does have to do some re-training that he will choose a field with lots of jobs and good earning potential coming out of it. None of these are quick solutions, but it seems like having some things to consider and working on an escape plan is helping both of us a little.
So the TLDR version is, perhaps if you do a leave you could use it to hatch your plan for how to move on to the next thing?
I hope one way or the other you can find some relief.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
@.twist.: Girl, feel free to PM me or FB message me or whatever you need because I got you! We're not only mommy month twins, but both of our son's came early also and became birth month twins! So I feel like we're friends as is!
pomelo / 5678 posts
I would think there would be some sort of medical leave? Especially if you see some doctors about what you are going through.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Greentea: Yea, I understand what I'm entitled to, but I'm asking about experiences and if it was helpful and were people supportive etc. I suppose I didn't make that quite clear. Sorry.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Anagram: Thank you. I hope I am making the right decision. Well, at least that's what I want to talk to my doctor about it. I just don't have a lot of support... it's like... people frown upon stress leave because they think you're just "being lazy" or "need to put on your big girl panties and be an adult" or something...
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thank you.
@CakeLady: Thanks! I am actually considering a career counsellor appointment. It was one of the things my therapist has recommended I do, but I have procrastinated. Sounds like your husband and I are going through something extremely similar. I hope he and your family find a healthy and happy solution!
@Alivoo01: Thanks, you! I appreciate the love.
eggplant / 11716 posts
@.twist.: Well. Those people are stupid. I mean, obviously, we have a long way to go with people being educated about mental illness, but they are legitimate illnesses! It's no different than any other serious illness. If you need to take time off, do it. Maybe you doing it now will pave the way for someone else that needs to do it in the future, you know?
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
Sorry, I don't know how the Canadian system works, but at least here in the U.S., when I've had to take short term disability, the only time my medical stuff was officially disclosed was in the form to the HR person who processed the information. My boss and coworkers were not privy to this information (although I told them what the issue was of my own accord). I understand its hard at a small company because people will want to know why, but legally it was made very clear that I didn't have to disclose anything to anyone and I have always submitted a memo to my bosses and HR with my paperwork that reiterates my legal rights to put them on notice and to let them know I know what my rights are. Granted, I'm an attorney, so I'm a little anal about it, but the memo usually has some legal trigger phrases in it like "pursuant to the Federal Medical Leave Act, I am invoking my right to medical coverage and my position protected until (insert date)" or "I have provided Human Resources with all confidential medical documentation required by the California Family Rights Act and having been informed of my privacy rights, would like to avail myself of all of the confidentiality provisions provided by that statute. Therefore, I appreciate your assistance in keeping my private medical circumstances confidential in the workplace during the duration of my leave of absence." I know people who have taken LOAs at my job who have just said they would prefer not to discuss their condition and have seen supervisors shut down nosy colleagues who want to know what's going on with a "I'm sorry, but that's confidential information that we're not privy to."
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Anagram: I tend to agree. One of them is my mom There is a whole lot of guilt laying about how I should just be grateful that I have a job in such a shit economy. Which... I agree. I can't turn off these feelings of hopelessness though. What do I do?
@gingerbebe: Thanks! We don't even have an HR person! So... no one is required to keep things private, I guess? I honestly am not sure how it will all work in my office or who I have to tell.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
@.twist.: Look very carefully at the laws - usually the rules are very different between a small employer and a large employer (usually its like 50 employees or more). For example, in the US, FMLA laws don't apply to small businesses!
pomelo / 5678 posts
@.twist.: one of my siblings had to take a medical leave for a very long time. Everyone was supportive. When it comes to mental health, we can't f around!
pineapple / 12802 posts
@gingerbebe: our labour laws don't really say much on the matter: SICK LEAVE: The employee is entitled to sick leave protection of up to 17 weeks if they have worked for the same employer for at least three consecutive months. The employee must provide a medical certificate if their employer requests one—in writing—within 15 days of the return to work.
Then you get into longer term stuff, which starts to discuss pay issues and I can't afford not to get paid, so it's not really an option for me.
papaya / 10570 posts
I've been back at work now for two and a half weeks, following a three month period of sick leave. Initially, I sought help for exhaustion but it became apparent while I was off work that the issue was anxiety and depression. I slept the first 5 weeks away and, after that, I started to feel able to make changes. Time out of the rat race allowed me the time and space to make changes to my diet, do a little exercise, get out into nature, meet up with people for a coffee - all things you need for your mental health but just don't get the time to do. It also gave me the headspace to really think about what needed to change. Going back has been tough because things haven't changed at work - my team are still challenging etc - but I'm strong enough to weather it now until I can get out!!
Wishing you the very best
persimmon / 1495 posts
@.twist.: So sorry to hear that you are going through this. It's too bad that there aren't other jobs that might be available in your field. When I was pregnant, a bunch of stuff changed at my job that ended up being extremely stressful and potentially dangerous (I worked with children with aggressive behavior). The school was not supportive of providing me extra support and taking a short leave wasn't an option. But at a certain point, I really felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I kept working there. I ended up quitting several months before my maternity leave would have started. It was difficult financially, but in the end was totally worth it. I was so much happier and could focus on taking care of myself. My husband and family were supportive of me leaving early even with the financial stress because they could see how much it was impacting me.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
Hugs! I think stress leave is a very valuable thing, and I hope you're able to take it and that it helps. I am in the US, but I assume if a doctor signs papers that it's for a medical reason, it would be treated like any other illness?
I begged my OB to do something like that for me at the end of my second pregnancy. My stress was 90% work related and I was desperate. Unfortunately she shrugged me off, but my wonderful boss let me take a long maternity leave and I feel like a different person now. I'm getting back on the work treadmill next week, but now that I've had a chance to step back for the first time in ten years, I see how much anxiety my job was causing and will try hard to keep it to a minimum, even if it means doing a less than perfect job somewhere...
grapefruit / 4731 posts
*big hugs*
I took a longer than normal maternity leave, after my first son I came back fairly quickly. After my second son… bad things happened and I took the max leave I could with job protection. When I came back I had an adjusted schedule for my appointments and then I went to part time. My company has been pretty supportive about it though I feel like I’m not climbing the ladder as quickly as I should but I felt this way after I had my first son (mommy tracked). That is my only complaint but I have accepted it.
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