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I'm so sorry to hear this news. I hope the bees can help you deal with this. I think it is great that you are both in agreement to work on the marriage and give counseling a try. *hugs*

i am so sorry to hear this, and just wanted to offer my support as you try to rebuild the trust in your marriage, and work towards giving your marriage a chance.

i have never been in your situation, but i do think that counseling is an excellent decision, as it should help you not only deal with your emotions stemming from his actions, but should also lead you to the root of why he did what he did.

sending good thoughts your way, stay strong.

Take your time with the news, and good luck. Some things that are going for you are that he came clean, and you are both committed to counseling to work through things. Still, there is no way to un-do the feelings of betrayal that you must be feeling now.

So sorry for your position in experiencing this!

I would like to suggest a book called "Love Must be Tough"... it's specifically for you (not him) & could really help in the healing process..... it's not a leave him kinda book but rather about building trust & security back up together so that your marriage can be strong & even better than it was before & just to let you know that you're not alone. I haven't read the whole thing BUT from the couples experiences with the writer there ARE couples that make it through infidelity & get to enjoy their marriages on the other side.

Goodluck with your counseling! and (((hugs)))

I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I am confident that I would feel the same as how you are describing (not wanting to end things, not wanting to tell my family out of fear that it would affect their feelings toward my husband, etc.). I haven't read this book, but it has been highly recommended on other forums and gets great reviews:

http://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Affair-Proof-Anniversary/dp/0800717880

Good luck making it through this rough patch. Once you figure out what the root of the issue is, your marriage will be that much stronger, and you will be too.

@EmmesMama: Before DH and I were married we went through a very similar situation. While DH is adamant that nothing physical happened, he had a very intimate relationship with a co-worker. I am so sorry that you're going through this. While reading your story that "punched in the stomach" feeling came back like it was yesterday. I think that until you experience the shock that comes along with having this happen to you, it's hard to even imagine!

With that said, DH and I have moved past his indiscretions. It was difficult, and we spent a lot of time in couples counseling. He had a similar logic as your husband- it was a rush and exciting. Our counselor really encouraged him to look at what was lacking IN HIM that made him feel that he needed that outside attention and worth. What DH got out of the counseling sessions was that it was HIS responsibility to make himself feel good about himself.

What I got out of the sessions, was that this was IN NO WAY my fault. I am (and was) a loving, attentive, supportive, exciting partner and nothing that I could have done or offered would have changed the situation. I really think that once you TRUELY believe that, it allows you to "let go" of some of the anger. A lot of what I was upset about was feeling that he expected more than I was able to give- and that really wasn't the case. I also learned that, unfortunately, no one can be trusted completely. I love my husband more than anyone in the world, but I do know that no one can be trusted to never hurt us.

I want to send you tons of hugs, strength, and hope. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS and lead a wonderful, joyful, fulfilling life with your husband and child.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat privately:)

=( i'm so sorry you have to go through this alone. we're all here for you. i can't say i've been in your situation but i can imagine how i'd feel if i found out that my hubby was cheating on me.

i'm not saying it's okay, but i'm glad it didn't go further than kissing. i'm also glad that he's willing to work things out. that he doesn't have feelings for this coworker. i just hope he's willing to get past this like you are. hope for lots of healing... for you. figure out why he did it in the first place. maybe he felt alone because you guys just had a kid and you spend a lot of time on the LO? good luck! hope for the best.

So sorry that you are having to go through this. I'm very glad that it sounds as though it's a mutual decision to work it out, though. Kudos to both of you for that. I think that the counseling is def a step in the right direction & would also recommend seeing a couselor seperately. Some books that the husbone & I have both read & would highly recommend as well are "for women only", "for men only", & "the 5 love languages". Best of luck to both of you & I hope that this only makes your relationship stronger, being strengthened by fire.

No one is perfect and you aren't the first and wont' be the last person to go through this. Good for you trying to make the marriage work, I feel like we live in a society that gives up once something goes wrong. Everyone goes through tough times and all you can do is work on it and try to come out stronger because of it, which you're doing. Good luck and hang in there!

@EmmesMama: I'm just now coming to this thread to post. I don't have any good words to say for advice, but I'm hoping everything works out for the best. I know it's hard going through this and especially with the new information that has come to light. (((((HUGS)))))) to you!!!!

@EmmesMama: I'm so sorry to hear this! Someone once told me that the most important element of a relationship is trust. I hope that your DH is able to earn your trust once again! Hopefully he understands that it's going to take time and effort to get there...

I can understand to some degree why he would not be fully honest about the extent of their physical relationship (although of course I don't condone it) One thing I don't get though: why would he lie about not having contact with her since then?

I hope u and ur hubby can get thru this... I'm with @looch... Lying is something that's hard to forgive because you can't trust and trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. I really hope your husband means what he says and sticks to it.

I'm so sorry. I would just say give it time. Time for you to assess his intentions and emotions, and time for you to see how/if you can heal. Sending good vibes your way!

All I wanna say is that I have the UTMOST respect for you for trying to work it out. It must be so unbelievably hard and I don't know many women who can go through what you're going through but still have hope and still want to stick with their vows and make it work. Whatever the end results is, at least you know you tried your best and that's all that can be expected at this point. HUGS!!!!

I am so incredibly sorry you are dealing with this, but like previous people have said, I really admire you trying to work through this. You are definitely not alone. I only know second hand what you are going through, but I did watch my best friend go through a very similar situation (husband & co-worker, sexual relationship, and some lying). At first she was going to divorce him, but they ended up working through it and several years later, they seem to be in a much better place then they were even before the affair. I both hated that she was with him and loved her for it. It's hard to watch your best friend go through that and it's hard for people who are close to you to forgive them for hurting you. I can only imagine the conflicting emotions that you have. I really hope that your husband will see what he has done and start being really honest so you have a real chance to make this work. Hang in there!

@EmmesMama: Thank you so much for coming back to update us! I'm so happy for you that you both are willing to work through these issues and continue counseling! It takes a really strong person to admit they need help and be willing to work out issues like this, so I'm happy you both have been able to do this! Good luck to you! I hope that everything works out for you!