Thoughts on this? Part of me totally understands her (and the other patrons) frustration but I don't think belittling a two-year-old was the right way to handle the situation.
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I would never let my child scream for five minutes in a restaurant, nonetheless 40. This is totally on the parents, IMO.
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I would not yell at a toddler customer. That's crazy!
However I'm of the mind that if my child is crying/screaming, it's on me as the parent to take them outside and/or otherwise try to help the situation.
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Should she have yelled at the two year old? no
Should the parents have left or taken some course of action to quiet the kid well before that point? yes -
I think the parents totally sucked for letting their kid freak out for 40 minutes and disrupt everyone else who were eating. But WTF? Why would the owner yell at the CHILD? If you need to yell at someone, it should've been the parents, who were allowing the behavior to happen. Yelling at a child isn't acceptable.
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Agree with PP, it's on the parents not the owner. She should not have yelled at a child, it was not her place, but she could (and should) have confronted the parents. As a mom of a 2 year old as soon as there is a hint of a meltdown we are out the door to have a talk. I would never let her yell for that long (or at all really.)
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haha, this happened in my city and *everyone* is talking about it. I think both parties behaved badly - the owner's FB isn't very professional and she "sounds" like someone who might be less professional than say, some other business owners. On the other hand, I’m betting the parents were complete hands-off assholes, especially if they let their kid scream for even ½ of the amount of time alleged.
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I don't think the owners story makes a lot of sense. According to her no one ate, for what sounds like an extended time, even though their food had arrived and they were holding their toddlers food out of reach.
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Agreed this is on the parents. Did she have the best reaction, no but really if you've listened to a child scream for 40 minutes especially when you are busy doing other things you are going to snap at some point.
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@hotchildinthecity: Totally agree. This is 100% on the parents. I would never let my toddler sit there and scream for 40 minutes while doing nothing.
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@hotchildinthecity: agree!
As soon as M starts making a peep, we go outside or someplace else to distract her. There is no way I would let my kid scream for that long and not do anything.
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I'd haul my kid out of a restaurant after 10 minutes of screaming, max. Parents sound like total douche bags.
The restaurant owner doesn't seem very professional (her Facebook post was a bit laughable) but she was probably stressed out and frazzled as it seems like the place was pretty busy. She could have handled it better.
But still. 75% of blame goes to parents.
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Most of the blame definitely goes to the parents. I have hauled H out of restaurants after a minute of crying. But the owner was wrong too.
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I think this it totally on the parents. Any reasonable person would snap after hearing someone else's kid scream for 40 minutes. They are lucky another patron didn't throw a chair at them!
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I totally agree that the blame falls on the parents for letting the child scream. I also think I read that the owner did ask the family to leave prior to her outburst and they didn't listen. If I were the owner, or another patron, I'd be livid.
Like I said, I totally understand the frustration I just think it was misdirected. The two-year-old was just being a two-year-old so if she yelled in his/her face (as alleged) then that is not okay. I'm sorry. I think yelling at a toddler and then writing a Facebook post referring to the *child* as a monster and demon crossed the line. Now, if she yelled in the faces of the parents and called them names then I wouldn't bat an eye. I just think she handled it really poorly.
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It's never okay to scream at a kid (especially someone else's kid).
But I know if I'm unruly in a restaurant, it's totally expected that I'll be asked to leave. If you are asked to leave and don't, that's probably going to get ugly.
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Usually I'm hesitant to judge random parenting because I don't know their situation... but I can't think of any reason to let your kid cry in public for that long. So I'm going to pile on with: crappy parents, rational but misplaced anger from owner.
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Parenting someone else's child and yelling at someone else's child are two different things. Addressing a child in front of their parents is an attention grabber. The owner didn't have to yell at the child to get the parents riled up.
The parents behaved badly and the restaurant owner was immature in her approach. I am happy this story is getting attention because at the end of the day dining near chaos (kid chaos or boisterous adults) is not at all pleasant.
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The story doesn't make a lot of sense to me. How long could it take to cook 3 pancakes? That shouldn't throw a crimp in your breakfast service. Our local breakfast place doesn't have kids plates so my daughter gets a giant (for her) plate of pancakes. I can't imagine the kitchen is judging me for my daughter's order.
The parents weren't paying attention to the toddler because they were too busy talking to each other? I cannot talk over my screaming children. DH and I would have to be making quite a spectacle of ourselves.
As written, of course 40 minutes of screaming would be horrifc and the parents should be ashamed of themselves. Still not a reason to about at the toddler.
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I call BS. Would anyone enjoy their dinner if their kid was screaming for 40 minutes? No. Obviously patrons wouldn't enjoy it, but as a parent you would be enjoying it SO MUCH LESS. It just doesn't make sense. I think the restaurant owner exaggerated (which given her comments seems entirely likely.) Maybe fusses off an on for 40 min? Maybe got loud after waiting for food for 40 min? Sure. But I can't imagine the parents were just happily enjoying a meal while their kid screamed because that sounds like hell and just doesn't make sense.
TBH it seems like this is a popular news story just so people can say "wow, I'm such a better parent than that."
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@jedeve: I have no idea what really happened, but that owner seems like an awful person after I read her Facebook response to the couple. I don't trust a word out of the mouth of a business owner that would act like that on their public business page.
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I'm kind of appalled at the thought of a toddler screaming for 40 minutes straight and no one doing anything. I was at the grocery store the other day and could hear this one kid (prob 4 or 5) just screaming and yelling all over the store for 20 minutes straight. It's a big store (think whole foods) but you could def hear him screaming no matter where you were. At one point, we were in the same aisle and his parents were totally ignoring the situation as they shopped and made dinner plans. My almost 3 year old even asked me, "why he's crying so much".
I had to leave the store after 20 min. I couldn't take the screaming. If I was another patron at the restaurant, I would have left too.
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Before I had a child this drove me crazy, but I thought for sure I would feel different once I became a parent. Nope, still drives me crazy - maybe even more so now that I'vebeen on the other end and have always taken my child out! It's rude, disrespectful and super annoying for everyone who has to listen to it. The owner tried confronting the parents and they ignored her, so disciplining the child doesn't sound so crazy to me at that point. Yelling took it too far, but I don't blame her for trying something more direct.
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@jedeve: I think you're so right in your assessment.
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@jedeve: I completely agree. The diner owner's response immediately raised a red flag to me. What kind of a business owner goes on social media and drops the F-bomb a million times and calls a child a demon? Regardless of whether or not those parents let that kid scream for 40 minutes (which I HIGHLY doubt), to me that response alone would cause me to stop patronizing that store.
I know there are asshole parents out there - we've all seen them. But I just have a really hard time believing that any parent would let their child just scream for 40 minutes without intervening in some way.
But seriously, if you're taking 40 minutes to make some pancakes? You deserve to have a kid screaming. That's absurd.
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I would be curious to hear a third party's account of what happened. I wonder if anyone sitting next to them is talking. I think it's probably a combo of both- the owner exaggerating and some not so stellar parenting decisions. Sometimes LO will fuss/cry while grocery shopping and it takes me a few minutes to get a distraction (I've had to go grab a paci to buy, or a pouch, etc, from the store!) but I do whatever it takes to get her to calm down. A few minutes vs 40... just doesn't make sense that the parents could endure that in a restaurant. Let alone anyone else.
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@kjpugs: This is my thought exactly. Would lovre to hear the take of another patron who was there.
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Are people seriously saying this is in any way the parent's fault?!
If someone yells at your child, or you for that matter, in no way is it YOUR fault.
This woman had no right to yell at a child, short of the child being in extreme danger "Watch out!" (in the street).
If the owner really felt uncomfortable with the volume, she could have gently asked the parents if they could intervene.
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I wouldnt have yelled at the toddler but I would yell at the parents. The owner did passive things instead of saying "Hey your kid has been screaming for X amount of minutes now and we are starting to get complaints, can you take your child outside?"
I think the parents were in the wrong, but the owner needs to learn how to directly talk to people in a constructive way.
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@Greentea: I don't think anyone is saying the owner was right to yell at the child, but truly it doesn't seem ok to let your child scream for 40 minutes in a place where that would be disruptive. I think it matters if she had talked to the parents, or asked them to help the child / leave first. If the parents were unresponsive I can see the owner's frustration. I think both parties are at fault. Can you really imagine letting your child scream for 40 minutes in a restaurant??
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in classic New England fashion today is now "3 Pancake Day" encouraging all in support of Marcy's Diner to order 3 pancakes at your local diner, lol
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@Greentea: If she did ask the parents to take the child out, which I believe she has claimed to have done, then I absolutely think the parents are in the wrong as well. Do I think the owner should have yelled at the child? Of course not. But I also think the parents should have taken the child out much sooner. I don't think those two things are mutually exclusive. Not really sure what to believe about the credibility of this whole story, though...
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@Greentea: Sorry, I don't understand what you mean.
Are you writing that if my child is screaming for 40 minutes, and someone else yells at him, it's not his fault or my fault?
I know there's not a person on here that's going to say that they would let their child scream for an extended period of time, but there's a lot of advice on here about ignoring tantrums. I don't think it's a fault finding exercise.
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Have you guys seen there actually ARE 3rd party accounts of what happened?? Apparently the news and the owner are completely changing their story after the fact.. apparently the kid was screaming for like 2 minutes because the parents put the hot pancakes in the middle of the table to let them cool down before feeding them to her, and the owner came out and yelled at her, then posted a HORRIBLE rant on FB saying it was the parents' fault. Let me see if I can find a link.
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I feel like both the owner and the parents are at fault. The owner shouldn't have yelled at the toddler and instead calmly asked them to leave, but the parents should have realized their child wasn't calming down and left on their own. I don't know how many times I've had to ask the server for my food to go, because my son was misbehaving. I don't allow him to ruin everyone's meal just so I can relax and eat.
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@JoJoGirl: Wow, if that's true, that then is NUTS! 2 minutes is NOTHING. I know it would be annoying to listen to, but seriously, who would lose their cool in that short of a time period?? If the kid really was only freaking out for a couple minutes, then this restaurant owner is completely in the wrong (and a jerk)!
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@Adira: She screamed at them even before the food came out because she was so angry they ordered 3 pancakes for a toddler - said her griddle was too small to accommodate that and it would take a while to cook.. so she was already fired up BEFORE the kid started crying. I'm trying to find all the screen shots people posted but it's BURIED now because people are posting on her page every minute! She posted this HORRIBLE rant on the page the day it happened, but since deleted it with all the press.
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@JoJoGirl: This link has some of the rants:
Her first rant doesn't even say anything about 40 minutes of crying. She starts off the rant by complaining they were ordering 3 pancakes. That seems... kind of crazy for someone who owns a diner??
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@Adira: Honestly this woman comes off as just a bit nuts to me with all her FB posts. If she was calm, cool, professional, and said "it was inconsiderate and i asked them to leave" it would be one thing, but she clearly has a temper so I absolutely believe she behaved unprofessionally toward the kid.
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@JoJoGirl: Oh, she totally comes off as nutty. Her public business FB was full of swearing, misspellings, etc before this incident. And I don't understand why she was so angry that they ordered 3 pancakes for a toddler - sure, it's an insane amount of food for a little kid (or most adults), but $$ is $$. She gets paid the same whether an adult or a toddler orders. I just don't get why she was so fired up over that. And please, on a hot griddle, pancakes take like 4 minutes to cook, tops. Let's be real here.
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81 comments