Last time I looked into RIE (when LO was about 18 months old, I started learning about it), I remember hearing some of the infant guidelines (like not offering a pacifier, not baby wearing), and I felt myself rolling my eyes.
Because I was parenting a toddler, I didn't look into the infant philosophies any further. Did any of you take a RIE approach with your infants? Would you share a few points you connected with? And, do you have a book or resources to share?
eggplant / 11861 posts
Following
I've heard this so much lately wondering what it is exactly?!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
@FaithFertility: here's an article about it.
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/12/rie-parenting-basics-9-ways-to-put-respect-into-action/
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I do like the philosophy for toddlers but not really for babies. I think the only thing I did when she was a baby was put her down and let her explore and play with whatever she wanted. I definitely used baby containers and did tummy time and will again. I'm not really all or nothing with any type of parenting style.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
@Mrs. Pickle: same here!!! RIE has been AMAZING for our spirited toddler, but even still, I like the situational advice, but steer away from the "all or nothing" vibe I get from some who are religious about any parenting method. I just parent, but love having extra tools. Sounds like you're the same.
I'm pretty interested in the solo play and environmental exploration she promotes for infants. Also, I want to learn more about the idea of letting baby lead the way on gross motor development.
persimmon / 1064 posts
@Mrs. Pickle: +1!!! Once DS hit toddler age, RIE approaches worked really well. But for infants...I still wear all the babies, I still do tummy time, I don't "ask permission" to pick him up (although I will tell DS2 "I'm going to pick you up now"), I still use baby containers. But DS1 has responded super well to RIE re:discipline, etc.
persimmon / 1064 posts
@littlejoy: I follow Janet Lansbury on Facebook, and there's always great advice popping up. I've really been conscientious about fostering independent play now with my 7 mo. Mostly; not feeling guilty that "he's playing all alone! He needs me!!"
pomegranate / 3375 posts
@bees_knees: I've never seen the "ask to pick up"!!! Ha. Seeeee, eye roll!! BUT, I totally do tell my 3 year old when I'll be helping her or touching her - so I'm not sure why I don't connect with the infant care. Thanks for the tip about the FB page!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
@littlejoy: yes, I love having lots of tools! Especially because it seems like what works one day doesn't always work the next day.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
@littlejoy: I did a lot more RIE with my second from the beginning and had a good experience. There are some fb groups but fair warning they are VERY serious about it in the mindful parenting RIE group. For me, although useful I found it a little overbearing. There is one on RIE for parents of older children that I like.
I mostly just started with Janet Lansbury and went from there.. the thing I took away from it on the whole was that I learned to pay much more attention to my baby without necessarily feeling like my pass/fail as a mom was getting him to stop crying or sleep at a certain time or whatever.
Good luck!
grapefruit / 4455 posts
I used baby containers fwiw but I used them much less with baby 2 and had positive "results" with that too. We were not very dependent on movement for sleep (though he took a long time to really sttn) and he had more time for exploring than I gave his sister. I think in today's busy world especlly for second babies and beyond, it's hard to not use them and I did NOT guilt myself.
nectarine / 2821 posts
@littlejoy:I feel the same way. I like the philosophies that respect the infant as an individual person, and learning about it has changed not only how I parent but how I do my job as a pediatric nurse. But, like not putting them in tummy time cause it's not a natural position for them to get into? Yeah that's ridiculous to me. They can't get into any position by themselves!
Oh and the baby container thing was interesting, because it started weirding me out to see babies happy as clams in car seats or other spots when mine was always screaming bloody murder!
pear / 1961 posts
I do a fair amount of RIE-based stuff with all of my kids, including my newborn. The main points I like about RIE for the super-littles are:
- treating them as a person: so I talk to him in a regular voice, narrate what I'm doing during the day (both just me and doing stuff for/to him), treat his coos/noises like he is responding to me
- respecting his needs/wants: I don't worry about constantly entertaining him, especially if he's happy & content somewhere; realize that babies are stimulated by their total environment, not just "playing"; try to nap him where he's most comfortable often, not just dragging him on errands all the time
- freedom of movement: this one might actually be more montessori-based, but ties into her no baby-cage/wearing ideas. i don't NEVER use those things, but i try to limit it to times it's really necessary. when possible, i do really try to have him in places/positions where he can move and flail and look around to his liking. i swaddle overnight but try not to for naps, etc. i DO do tummy-time, but he actually seems to like it (at least for a short period of time) -- if he didn't, I wouldn't push it.
So, I guess, like anything else, I just take the parts that I like, agree with, and that work for us (each particular baby AND our family in general) and apply that! Clearly I'm more of a "whatever" parent than a rule-following type 
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
What do you do if you have a baby that just doesn't like to be alone (cries as soon as you look away from her) and just wants to be held/with you all the time? I feel like my kids were more designed for an attachment style. But maybe thats something I did wrong? I wish they would play more independently.
pear / 1961 posts
@t.h.o.u.: in that case, i'd probably do fewer RIE-type things and more attachment-type things! as i said, i'm not a hardcore anything and mostly read lots of ideas and do whatever works for each baby (all 3 of mine have had different likes/dislikes) and our family as a whole.
i would imagine if you ARE more hardcore, you'd try to do the RIE things as much and as often as baby was ok with, so that hopefully they get more used to it as they get older. and do the things that DO work (e.g., talking to them like a person, etc). but i do think certain "styles" are easier with certain temperaments!
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
@KayKay: agree with all of this!
I listened to Elevating child care on audible and I liked a lot of it.
I really liked narrating things for my baby and letting them know everything I was going to do with him /for him. It involves him so of course he wants to know!
If you have other children, baby wearing and baby seats are necessary so that the baby doesn't get trampled....so.....I ignore this one.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
@T.H.O.U.: JL has a whole thing on this in her Elevating Child Care book. That you tell them what you are going to do before you do it...like "I'm going to go to the kitchen now to do some dishes. I'll be back in 5 minutes." If the baby cries when you leave you acknowledge it - "You are upset. You don't want me to leave. I promise I will be right back." And then you come right back. And over time they learn to trust those situations more and cry less. There are more details offered in her book but that's the gist of it.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@winniebee: hahaha Yea we do all that. She still just screams.
Daycare has picked up on it as well so I know its not just me. She literally wants someone looking her in the eye and talking to her unless she's being held. She's been like this since about 3 months old. And we give her lots of attention!
honeydew / 7622 posts
I read caring for infants with respect by Magda Gerber who was Janet's mentor. I took a few pieces from it that I liked- but could not see myself narrating what's going on day in and day out- I started doing that more when she was able to interact more. As much as I really wanted to treat her like a whole person from birth I did not have the tools to put it into action- and this book helped with that http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/255940.Caring_for_Infants_with_Respect
eggplant / 11861 posts
@KayKay: Ohhhh wow I feel like this is us!!!!! Had no idea!!!!
eggplant / 11861 posts
@winniebee: Ohhhhhh I am going to do that AJ has started pouting/crying when I walk away
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
My LO's personality was well suited for RIE, which resonated with me too. In the beginning I thought I was going to wear him, but nope he didn't like to be worn, so we were even more RIE from the beginning.
I talk to him like a person, I don't fuss to much with him- if he's content I'm content too, I narrate and acknowledge what's going on around him. Even though I bought him toys like a bounce seat and play gym that RIE does not suggest I kept them simple- no battery operated and no noise. LO was really happy as a small baby just in quiet observation on his tummy or back though.
@winniebee: that totally works! Sometimes I will invite LO to crawl over to wherever I am and he loves it. It's amazing how much he understands.
Reading JL's books just made me think about how I can practice patience and take time to let LO just be.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@winniebee: me too... I love babywearing too much!
@KayKay: same! With both there are def things that work so well and some things that don't. You just reminded me to talk to K2 more.. I'm so tired from talking go K1 that I'm more silent when I'm alone with the baby lol!
pear / 1961 posts
@snowjewelz: oh i totally get that! i try to pick some times to specifically talk, face-to-face, with R. I figure he gets a boatload of background noise/talking/narrating during the day when the other 2 are around!
persimmon / 1095 posts
I follow Janet Lansbury on FB and really love the information she shares. I haven't seen anything about not babywearing or using a pacifier though. Everything I've seen is really about treating your child with the same respect you would for an adult. Although I do agree with the thoughts on tummy time (don't do it until they can get there on their own) and won't stress about doing it every day with my next child. We speak to her like an adult and respect her boundaries regarding being held, etc. I really like it for our family and think it was a great decision.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@KayKay: I think she hears waaaaay more of her sister both in and out of womb!
eggplant / 11861 posts
@snowjewelz: Ohhh yes I think AJ hears G all day so when it is me and him I feel like I am much more quiet....lol
persimmon / 1310 posts
Like many others, I found a lot of useful information on toddlers, but didn't like a lot of the infant stuff. I actually quit the facebook group because I found the people too hardline about everything; it just caused me anxiety to read that all the time.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
@Iced Tea: I had to quit the FB group I was a part of too. It was intense.
honeydew / 7235 posts
@littlejoy: I found JL's podcasts, books and FB page extremely helpful after I brought my newborn home and had a jealous, acting out three year old who was very sad to lose all of my attention. It was a challenging time and got a lot of great advice from these resources!!
pomegranate / 3375 posts
@hellobeeboston: I need to relisten to some of those podcast episodes. We'll be welcoming a baby when LO is 3.5, and I know I'll appreciate having those resources. Also, it's pretty crazy how almost EVERY episode starts with, "Help me with my toddler - we just welcomed a new baby!".
honeydew / 7235 posts
@littlejoy: definitely!! It was reassuring to read so many others going through it. And when even I was getting mad at my older LO for his behavior I would read one of her articles and remember that he was going through a huge life change and I could handle everything better!
I still have this bookmarked:
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/03/navigating-the-new-sibling-with-confidence-and-love/
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