AF came today, and we are closing in on the 1 year mark of trying. In my mind, 1 year=infertility=never going to happen. My family (who doesn't know we are TTC) keeps going on about how adorable my niece and nephew are, and that is really hard to hear. I am trying to feel better about the situation by thinking of the hard things about being a parent. What things do you miss about your pre-child days? Thanks!
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Sleep, Spontaneity, (ETA) and Stress!
Also: wardrobe! Gotta be prepared to chase LO and to avoid exposing body parts when carrying her . . . and to not have her yank on necklaces and earrings.
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being able to wander stores for as long as I want! most trips to target are rushed, with me juggling my shopping list and a container of graham bunnies, catching things she reaches over and hums out of the cart, etc. it's definitely not the fun, relaxing trip to target with a latte to shop that it used to be!
I also can't just do things when I want..have to plan everything around nap times, meal times, sometimes babysitters.
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Spontaneity for sure! Not having to plan around nap times. Not having to be home by 7.
Also, the worry. I was so carefree before LO. Now, I'm always stressing about SOMETHING.
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@rahlyrah: Stress should have been my third S!
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Sleep!
And definitely what @sorrycharlie: said... All shopping trips are rushed. I have to rush to get home to feed her before she wakes up. Screaming in the car seat because she hates it. Poop ruining sleep.
I miss not smelling like spit up! Lol
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It is constant! There is no break, even when I"m not with my LO I am thinking about him or thinking about something related to something I need to do for him, and I know I am still responsible for him...I would really love just an extended break. i think I need a vacation
Also, sleep. Oh sleep. Sleeep sleeep sleeeeep.
And peeing by myself. Never thought that was something I'd have to give up!
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Spontaneity, alone time with DH, peace and quiet. Oh and peeing by myself without someone saying "mommy is peeing" very loudly.
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@hilsy85: exactly!! my friends, family, DH are all - go out for dinner! get a drink! get a pedi! but it's not a switch you can turn off. even when she's with DH or a sitter I worry, stress, think. DH seems to be able to magically like, flip a switch somehow! it's exhausting.
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@littlek: LOL!
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What I miss: sleep. Peeing by myself. Going out with DH whenever we want. Sleep. Traveling long distances. Not constantly worrying and agonizing over this little being. Sleep. And having a whine-free, tantrum-free home!
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I thought of another - I see my friends pinning these adorable outfits and think, ha! I always look like a ragamuffin. jeans, basic (old) shirt that I'm lucky if unstained, my hair is always shower-to-messybun and i have a lion's mane of frizz. even if i throw some makeup on, I never look...cute. lol.
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Definitely sleep. Something I am currently struggling with right now is anxiety and constantly worrying. Like @hilsy85 said I am constantly thinking about him what he should be doing, should I be doing this with him, does he need anything, etc...
Also I miss being able to do stuff with DH kid free. For example we want to go to a baseball game but that's impossible since we have young kids and no babysitter. Also would love a date night!
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@yerpie110: ahh the whining and the tantrums, would love a break from that too!
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My body
The freedom to come and go
Not having to schedule around nap and bedtime
and probably most of all sleeping in and without a monitor next to my bed. -
@Smurfette: OH yes. My body.
I can't believe I ever complained about it pre baby! I could maybe get it back if I worked out like 4x a week and watched what I ate...but who the eff has time to do that, and I'm lucky if I shovel in a granola bar and the remainders of LO's lunch (all cooked in butter with lots of cheese) for the day.
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Umm, everything? Sleep is the worst for me. I knew I'd lose sleep with a newborn, but I never thought I'd still be so sleep-deprived at 9 months PP. It's so tough! The constant worry, too. Even when I have alone time or a date night with DH I still think about LO/worry/wonder if she's ok.
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more disposable income, time to do things i like to do (i find i can only get to the bare minimum of what absolutely must get done), Sleep, My body (after the trials and tribulations of pregnancy, then months of breastfeeding I'm ready to not have to think about what i consume, medicate with, pumping output etc), easy logistics, and less stress
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My pregnancies gave me gallstones which plugged my pancreas and landed me in the hospital for a week. Next weekend I get my gall bladder removed.
Pregnancy really reaks havoc on your body!
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First of all BIG HUG! I really hope your baby is around the corner. I sometimes miss just being free to go anywhere with my husband. Travel is so hard and so expensive once your baby comes. To me thats the biggest one. go some places! have spme big adventures. Stay out all night long with ypur friends. See your friends. I miss my Pre baby body and wish I had not been so hard on it. I also worried a lot less and slept a lot better prior to having my son.
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No free time/independence.
I took that completely for granted before I had a child and did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but once you have a child that is pretty much impossible.
It gets better as they get older, but my time is still pretty inflexible with a 12 month old, albeit a lot better than when she was younger.
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Sleep, being dedicated to my job, disposable income!
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yes to all of these things!!!
being able to sleep in on weekends, go out with friends and not have to worry about waking up early the next day and taking care of LO, sleep deprived all the time, constant worrying about LO- even when I am not with her.
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I miss having my body to myself.
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Definitely just freedom of mind....the ability to plan something without having to consult a million other schedules (baby, babysitter, etc.). As far as pregnancy/having an infant go....doing sporty activities like kayaking, and hiking that is more vertical than horizontal. I didn't do that while pregnant and I didn't when he was little because I was nursing all the time and stuff like that is hard to coordinate, sometimes didn't feel worth it.
If you have the $$, a night away or a daytrips to cross something off the bucket list could be fun! Or a trip to a theme park.
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Seeing people, feeling lonely, not sleeping through the night in over 8 months, wearing nursing bras that don't have enough support, not being able to take a whole Saturday to get a coffee, get your hair cut, and wander slowly in and out of stores, feeling anxious because LO woke up early from her nap again.
Lol - is this thread a good idea? It makes it sound like it's ALL bad. Also, one year doesn't mean you are doomed. Most people that were on the IF boards with me have since gotten pregnant. Hugs!
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Want to watch a TV show...HA not going to happen if LO is awake. Need to get out the door on time...nope expect a fit or a poop to stop that from happening. And having money, all that fun going out money goes to diapers/formula/daycare
In all seriousness, hang in there. My sister went through 18 months of IF and now has 2 beautiful kids. Her second child was born last summer and he came after only 2 months of trying! There is hope even if it doesn't feel like it! Hugs!
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Hugs.
What I would do if I had a day of pre-baby life back:
Appreciate going to and from places with ease. Paint my fingernails. Buy an outfit for it's aesthetics not functionality. Go on a hike. Read a book. Stay up late watching a TV show. Get beers after work with DH. Go to an exercise class (maybe I should do that before beers?). Go for a late night walk in the warm weather. Leave my house after dark.
I miss the ease of being able to do what I want, when I want. Nothing big or fancy. But just of not having to plan. But I know it's one of those things that even if someone had told me to appreciate it, I would have ignored it. You want what you want, and that's okay!
When I started TTC-ing, I gave myself a treat every month I got AF. A new workout video or a haircut or something.
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Sorry, but this thread is rubbing me the wrong way.
eta: I appreciate that you are having a rough time of things, you're certainly welcome to express your feelings, but not at the seemingly negative expense of parents. Maybe others feel differently, but I feel slightly on the defensive.
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@AmeliaBedilia: Hugs!! Yeah, the one year mark of TTC was really difficult for me.
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I miss doing my hobby as often as I use to. I sew and I never knew how dangerous that was until I had a kid!
Also eating out on a moments notice use to be nice when I didn't feel like cooking moments before dinner and would say f* it let's eat out... totally can't do that anymore.
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@looch: Sorry, but I find your comment kinda offensive. You are fine to express yours, but I'm going to express mine in response to your comment.
Think of it this way, when people have kids and the complain about some parenting issue, some people like think of the positives of having a child (like, at least, they have one).
For people with IF, we sometimes like to think of the positives of not having a child. It's sometimes what helps us get through our rough day.
It's a certain way to cope with whatever situation you are going through (let it be a bad parenting day or for us... a lack of a child or insert whatever issue here. )
Anyone who commented here wasn't forced to comment. If you don't feel like commenting, then you don't have to.
ETA: I'm responding to this in order to show support for the crappy emotions and thoughts that people with IF have to go through. Especially to the OP. IF is hard and so I don't see anything wrong with this thread.
ETAA: To others that are reading, I totally understand that parenting is hard and I'm not saying that you can't complain. Not at all. I get it. HB is a parenting forum where you can post (and vent) about anything. I love HB and all that I'm learning. That's why I'm still here.
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@bluestriped bee: you and I both know it would be unacceptable and I would get strong reactions if I posted a thread in the IF boards where I bemoaned my situation at the expense of those with infertility. Life isn't always a bed of roses, but I am not going to apologize or feel badly about what I am missing from my life before my son was born.
Respect goes both ways.
eta: I've been reading the IF boards in an attempt to better understand what everyone's going through there to see if there is something to help us all bridge the divide, but you know what, it's comments like this one that make me feel as though you all don't want the divide bridged.
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not having a moment to myself from the SECOND i wake up, because i usually get woken up by LO. Although I have adjusted for the most part, so what i find myself missing lately is that DH and I used to wake up every morning and just spend a good 10-15 minutes cuddling before we got out of bed. We rarely get that in the mornings anymore - our alarm goes off or LO wakes up, and we have to get up as quickly as possible becuase there is so much to do before leaving to work.
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@looch: The OP posted this to the TTC support board. It wasn't posted on a parenting board.
You don't have to apologize but you can give us some respect in understanding or not understanding the difficulty of IF.
I respect your views but was it really necessary to comment on this thread? Come on, the OP is having a rough day. You mad her feel like crap for creating this thread.
ETA: I'm thread jacking and I apologize to the OP for taking this thread in another direction.
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@bluestriped bee: yes, it was necessary, because it's about awareness. If you (general) want the same respect when you try to raise awareness, you have to accept when you hit someone else's nerve and they point it out to you. FWIW, I find pretty much everything about being a parent challenging, but I wouldn't trade it for my single, childless days. I went through a lot in my life to get where I am and I am thankful that every single day.
I've made missteps on this site before and it was pointed out to me. I accepted it and apologized for it.
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I'm so sorry
For what it's worth, I know soooo many people who tried for longer than a year and it did eventually happen. Don't give up hope!As for what I miss? Sooooo much. I miss being able to go shopping with my friends, going out to dinner with DH, sleeping, not doing endless loads of dishes and laundry, sleeping, being able to do anything spontaneously, going on vacation, working out daily, liking my body, having a clean apartment, sitting on the couch and watching tv...my kids are my world but god damn, your life changes so much.
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@looch: harsh much? If you don't like a thread, don't respond. Just like anyone else here wouldn't have to respond if they didn't want to empathize and make the OP feel better. Sheesh.
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@looch: It seems that moms are voluntarily posting their gripes. I don't see how someone needs to get offended by the question or the responses. OP is just looking for a little support during a tough time. I also don't see any relevance between this tread and any possible thread posted in the IF boards.
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(((hugs)))
One thing I miss is not having to pay a sitter if I want to, get my nails done, shop, go out with friends, see a movie in the theatre, get a haircut.
For what it's worth, I know soooo many people who tried for longer than a year and it did eventually happen. Don't give up hope!Subscribe to our newsletter
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