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@Trailmix: @MrsMcD: you're certainly entitled to your opinions, just as I am of mine.
I just don't feel like me saying that I miss the days of being able to sleep in helps anyone else cope with their situation. If someone cares to elaborate, that's fine, otherwise, we can just move on.
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Can we keep the discussion focused on the original topic raised? Please keep in mind that it was posted to the TTC Support board.
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I'm so sorry - sending you lots of love!
I miss my 'me time'. Getting to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. I definitely didn't understand the freedom that I had before! This included: shopping, housework, cooking/baking, reading, showering, etc.
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@AmeliaBedilia: I'm so sorry you're having a rough time of it. Ugh, TTC is completely brutal and getting to that one year mark must be really, really hard. FWIW, I really don't think that 1 year = never. Once upon a time, I may have thought that but I have seen so many of the Bees here get their long awaited baby after that amount of time and much longer.
Oh and if it helps, I miss lie ins so much!!! Like sooooo much!
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@looch: I understand that you are feeling a bit defensive, but like others have said mums are voluntarily posting things that make parenting hard. It doesn't diminish the joy of the experience, but I think we can all agree that being a parent while rewarding isn't easy and there is something to be said for enjoying the things that are more difficult post kids so that when the kid does arrive one doesn't have regrets.
OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this, I have had lots of loved ones deal with IF and it was so tough. Every single one of them got their kiddo on the end though, so please don't give up! As for what is hard about parenting, the 24/7 aspect of it is tough. Especially in the throes of the terrible twos. I miss having wine fuelled 4 hour dinners with DH. These days we either take LO and get in an out in under 90 mins or get a babysitter and clockwatch our way through dinner so we don't bankrupt ourselves!
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@looch: I just wanted to point out that there may have been a misunderstanding. OP didn't ask about what makes parenting hard... she specficially asked what things we "missed" about our pre-childern days.
"I am trying to feel better about the situation by thinking of the hard things about being a parent. What things do you miss about your pre-child days?"
Agree she did say the first line in the quote but her actual question was quite different.
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Nothing. Being a parent is really easy. Ha. Just kidding.
Running out of wine is hard. Really hard.
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@Raindrop: It's possible that there is a misunderstanding, I went back and read again. I think both questions were asked, honestly.
But you know what, if I answer the question truthfully, there is really nothing I miss about my pre-child days. Things that are important to me remain so and I try to find time for them. I became a parent later in life, so I lived a good, full life.
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@looch: Fair enough.
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@AmeliaBedilia: big hugs lady! TTC is so hard and reaching the 1 year mark must be so difficult. Hang in there and I'm cheering for you!
I miss how absolutely carefree I was before having LO. And just being able to do whatever whenever you wanted. If we had a free weekend coming up we could just make plans for a road trip or weekend away.
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@looch: I think it might be hurtful to the OP to point out how life with children is better than without. I think she is looking for things to appreciate about her life without a child right now.
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@looch I think that was a very insensitive comment that you don't miss anything, while that may be true and there are many parents who would say the same thing, you didn't have to post that. You are basically rubbing it in to OP's face that there's nothing better than having kids and you are saying this to someone who has been trying to have a kid for a year now and is not successful.
And your previous comment about you posting something offensive to the IF board is not analogous, OP is not posting this on a parenting thread, it is a TTC support thread meant to SUPPORT people who are having difficulty TTC, not bring them down... -
Guys I don't think @looch: was trying to be mean. I think her point is that sometimes there are mixed messages about what IF members want to hear from parents. There have been a number of threads here where IF members have said how insensitive it is for parents to complain to them about how hard parenting is. But if someone saw this thread they might think "oh, ameliabedilia wanted to hear the bad parts of parenting, next time my IRL friend talks about her IF I will tell her she should be happy because she doesn't have to deal with XYZ (getting up early, losing time with her husband, etc)" which I think you all would generally agree is in fact NOT the right thing to say. By the time @looch: said she didn't miss anything about pre parenting days she was already part of the thread and probably just wanted to answer the original question (which she did honestly) and move on.
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@AmeliaBedilia: I'm so sorry. The one year mark was a tough one for me, and I know I wrote a few blog posts about things I was grateful for/would miss once finally pregnant. FWIW, we got pregnant after 23 months TTC... One year isn't a sentence!!
As far as what I miss...I think it's the leisure time. Taking a twenty minute shower and shaving my legs whenever I like. Spending an hour at the bookstore browsing. Going for coffee on a Saturday morning just because I feel like it.
And I know that hearing these challenges doesn't make IF any easier, but at least it can help you get through the day. I totally understand.
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I miss just being lazy.
I've taken LO to daycare on a vacation day and cleaned out my DVR. It was wonderful.
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I miss quick trips to the store or roaming the aisles of target, slowly and leisurely, without having to entertain a curious toddler who wants to pull every item off the shelf and attack passerbys with a toilet plunger.
I miss the ability to sleep in. I used to be the girl that set her alarm for 2pm on Saturdays
I miss going out to eat at a restaurant and having it be a leisurely, relaxing activity. Going out to eat now usually gives me indigestion
And this is kinda random, but I miss going on power walks! My LO hates the stroller so when I take her out for a walk, I isually have to carry her or let her walk. Either way, it's hard to go for a brisk walk.
And to the OP: I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I hope your baby is *right* around the corner.
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I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time, and that you're getting un-supportive responses, which frankly I find to be completely unkind. Yeah, like someone asking people what's hard about being a parent is somehow offensive when there's about a million posts on here from parents having a bad/hard day. I'm sorry people are looking for an argument over nothing.
I miss being able to spend money on myself without having any guilt about it! Clothes, vacations, makeup, whatever. Vacations in general are a huge one for me - planning a vacation with a baby or toddler is a headache. Either you're finding a babysitter for them, possibly having mom-guilt about it, and it's a lot harder to justify the expense, or you take them with you, in which case you can't do anything once bedtime hits because you're stuck in the hotel room, packing for them is so hard, trying to schedule your flights around nap time and praying there's not a meltdown, only going to kid-friendly places, etc. So I think you and your DH seriously deserve/need a vacation, and I truly hope you get your BFP soon. So sorry to hear about AF coming, my heart goes out to you!
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Nevermind...I want this post to stay on track. I'm just having a really hard time overlooking the unsupportive comments.
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@wonderstruck: I'll reply on your wall since it seems you have something to say to me that you chose to delete.
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