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I always wanted to SAH, maybe because my mom did until I was in first grade. We did it after our second was born and we had recently moved to a lower COL area so we could swing it and daycare would have doubled. I am an introvert and homebody which I think helps but it definitely gets overwhelming at times or you feel down about how things went that day - especially with a fussy baby! (Or basically regularly since we had a third )

I think to a degree you have to embrace the chaos to like staying home, you have to find a loose schedule that keeps you sane, you have to accept there are hard phases and wonderful moments and everything in between and you get to experience it all (often by yourself). I would not change it, but definitely advantages to working too like having quiet and speaking to adults and using your brain that way. I also think my dh’s involvement would be higher if I worked too (maybe) ... he works alllllll the time so I solo a lot.

My son was regularly getting kicked out of daycare for biting.

My daughter was due in the fall. And Daycare for both was going to cost around 2k a month with them at separate locations. Thats assuming I could even find a place that would take a biter and a place to take a newborn...

Between most of my money going to daycare and the time spent for transportation and a few other factors we decided to go the SAHM route.

But 75% of the decision was the cost of daycare.

I was pregnant with my second when my husband got a job offer out of state that was more than we each made combined. He took the job and we moved. Being a SAHM is outstanding. I've been daydreaming of doing this for a really long time.

I will say, I am NOT a homebody, so if staying home meant we would have to pinch pennies and I had to spend all my time at home with no spending money, it wouldn't be worth it. But the combination of working for years to get debt free plus this great job offer paved the way for this new life for us. We've never been happier. I'm so much less resentful than I was. And my husband is surprised with how happy he is with this setup. It has been unexpectedly wonderful for all of us.

ETA: there's a big age gap with my kids: nearly 7 years. So my oldest is at school all day while I'm home with the baby. This is a lot more doable for me vs. say two toddlers at home with me all day.

I don't know if I really count as a SAHM. I also take long maternity leaves, and my latest leave was supposed to be a year but unexpectedly ended up longer. I'm planning to go back to work at some point this winter, but there's no fixed date yet, so...

OK, the good: no more worrying if my school-age kid ate in afterschool (because no more afterschool). No more worrying if his homework is done and he understands the material. No more worrying about school days off. Incidentally, school is so much worse than day care about this - our day care was closed maybe 7 days a year, but school has upwards of 20 holidays, not counting early dismissal and snow days. The kids got tons of outside time this year, got to sleep in most of the summer, and grew several inches - last year, the oldest barely grew, and I'm convinced it's because he often missed school breakfast and "had no time to eat" in afterschool. I'm usually tied up with caring for the baby, but I still have way more time to do fun trips/school-related projects/reading and math with the older kids than when I was at work.

The bad: I hate having to ask my husband for money. I didn't expect to still be dealing with major sleep deprivation one year in - I need my little catnap on the commute to work so badly. And I have major health anxiety - if anything happens to me, who will watch the kids? I've been putting off doctor visits because I basically can't afford to afford the time investment of following up if the doc says I need some kind of treatment. I haven't been away from the baby for more than four hours, even at night, and I'm feeling pretty suffocated. All told, maybe me being home is good for the kids, but it's messing up my health and I won't be able to keep it up long-term.

DHs demanding job made the decision to stay home much easier for me. He travels a TON for work (and when I say travel, I mean...he can be gone for months on months on months, brutal travel in which he tries to make it home on the weekends no matter where in the world his client is based)
Anyway, that affords us to be in the financial position to not depend on my salary at all. Daycare is also insanely expensive where we live. So that is a luxury to not have our hand forced. I do miss the interaction at work, and i DONT enjoy being home with both kids (almost 5 and almost 2) together. But if its 1:1 with the 2 yo and me, I enjoy it. I also feel thankful that I don't have a lot of the scheduling or sick day complications that my friends do. I can always do pickup/dropoff, sick kids are an annoyance but not a schedule changer.

BUT what has made my SAH life better is having a regular sitter for the younger one, so that every week, i have a few hours to do what i need to do without a kid in tow. It is good for my mental health, my sanity, my energy levels, my efficiency, and general well-being. Again, a luxury, but i also feel like I'm sacrificing a bit of my career and sense of self to do this for my family.

When I first got pregnant with my first son almost 6 years ago, I was at a new job (4 months) and didn’t like it at all. When I took the job we were starting IVF so I knew that if I got pregnant I had an out. So when I did get pregnant I knew I didn’t want to stay. I waited till I was about 3 months from my due date and told them I didn’t plan to come back. They begged me to. Added some perks, raise, etc. but I just didn’t want to commit to an actual maternity leave and then feel like I had to go back (its just in my dna, I couldn’t take a paid mat leave and then not go back). Well, I should have by the time I left (2 months from my due date) I started to love the job and when I was 2 months PP I was begging them to take me back. But since I was officially not employed by then anymore, and they were in a reorg/hiring freeze, they couldn’t give me my job back.
So it started as choice and ended as forced.
At 1 year PP an old colleague reached out about a job opportunity at a new company (new to me). It sounded perfect on paper - 25 hours a week for the first 3 months then a slow transition to full time. Yeah, not the case. My first DAY on the job they asked me to fly to London the next WEEK for a full week. And it was the week leading up to my sons 1st bday. Since I had just started I felt I couldn’t say no. And that set a precedent. The 25 hours a week almost instantly turned into 35 hours a week, conf calls on my days “off”, asking me to switch days off (I had already made plans with my son on my days off). I left that job after about 3 months. My husband and I agreed it wasn’t worth it. I hated it. Oh, and my boss was a grade A douche bag asshole.

I’ve now been out of the work force for 4 years and I have a now 21 month old in addition to the 5yo. I am considering going back in the next few months but it’s very daunting.

@cake2017: some days yes and some days no I enjoyed it more before my 2nd was born and my older one was in school 9-12 every day. Haha. I don’t hate it but I know it’s not what I want to do forever. I can’t imagine being being home when my kids are grown and I know it’ll be easier to get back into it now vs years from now.

Some things I absolutely love - I’m a homebody and introvert. I love being in charge of my own schedule. I love being there for pick up for my older one. But the days are loooooong.