Ok I'm really hoping this will pass. It's not that I'm scared of the pain. I'm just scared. Scared I won't be able to control my anxiety, scared my husband will just piss me off, scared to throw up, scared ill hemorrhage. Is it normal to be scared at 15 weeks and will it go away? I feel like Pam halpert on the office when she doesn't want to leave the office because she is too scared to give birth. I'm starting to just want a home birth because I don't want anyone around me when I'm in labor and vulnerable. Am I an idiot?
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Normal! It will come and go. Luckily you will eventually be so uncomfortable that the desire to deliver to baby so you can return to normal outweighs the fear
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@anonysquire: you're not an idiot! It's normal to be worried about the unknown. I reminded myself that I was going to feel pain but plenty of women have done this before and I'd get through it.
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@DillonLion: thank you for that. I think that makes me feel a bit better lol.
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@swedishfish: I think it's just my anxiety. I can hardly talk myself through anything when it gets going.
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@DillonLion: This! I was so ready! And it really wasn't too bad. I'll gladly do it again!
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@anonysquire: I have anxiety too and I'll tell you.. In the moment, there's no time for anxiety!! You are so focused that you don't even think to stress or panic. At least that's how it was for me.
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I have awful anxiety and delivery was no exception.
I had a horrible experience in the hospital. The thing that helped me is knowing that it was temporary, that one way or another baby would be coming out!
Also at some point mommy instincts click into gear.....my worst nightmare was a c section but when they told me the baby was at risk I was willing to do whatever it took to protect my little bub. -
@anonysquire: I was scared!!! I even started shaking right before I had to push. I had soooo much adrenaline. As soon as I started pushing everything was just fine. You will be awesome!
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@anonysquire: I had that!!! I remember even posting about it. I was freakin terrified! However though, by the last month, I was a little afraid of the unknown, but didn't have the anxiety anymore.
Even in the hospital you can control who is there and in your space. We didn't' even really tell anyone that I was in active labor until I was pushing. It was me, my hubby, OB, and one nurse. You can be in full control.
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I had ridiculously awful anxiety on/off throughout my pregnancy. I was terrified of the non pain aspects of labor.
Like pps have stated, in the moment you aren't thinking about any of it.
I also had an amazing/easy labor experience despite my previous worries.
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Very normal I was scared because I had no idea what to expect. I'm less nervous this time, like way less nervous. My feelings of anxiety didn't last long with my first pregnancy though, so hopefully that's your case too. I will say I expected it to go way worse but even with almost 2 hours of non epidural pushing and a 3rd degree tear it was still easier than I imagined.
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It'll be ok. You might throw up, you might bleed, you might tear. But it's only a day of your whole life--remember that--and you'll get through it with the help of your dr/midwife, nurses, husband and anyone else you choose. I was fearful of birth and it turns out I did not have a good one, but as @DillonLion said, by the end I was so sick of being sick that I cared not one bit what happened as long as the baby came out!!!
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@anonysquire: and, hey, I'm only 13 weeks postpartum and ready to do it again.
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@junebugmama: same here, me, DH, OB and nurse that was it. It was actually very calm (besides my yelling), I imagined it would be more chaotic but nope!
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@Bao: @junebugmama: we didnt share with anyone ( besides my mom who lives out of state) either. I felt a lot better knowing people had no clue and werent pushing for updates
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@Bao: @wheres_c: I had a lot going on to, and really the room was silent, because that's what I needed. It was a really relaxed environment.
I think that we all watch what birth is like on tv/movies either fiction or nonfiction and assume that it will be a chaotic, screaming, alarms going off and lots of people running around, when most births aren't like that. (mine turned into that afterwards but again that wasn't normal either)
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Aww please try not to freak yourself out. I promise the thinking and worrying about it is WAY different than the actual birth. I remember being so worried about things like pushing for hours, tearing, delivering the placenta, just random parts of it, and honestly, didn't care a bit about all those worries when I was in the moment. It really is such an amazing experience, truly. You're excited because you know in just a matter of hours you get to see your sweet baby's face. I can't wait to do it again and would take labor and delivery over my super sick pregnancies any day!
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I think I was scared up until the very end. The great part is, once you're in labor, you really have no choice but to go through with it. Believe me; I asked the nurses if I could go home and come back later. The answer was, "No."
Like @ErinPye:, I would take my birth experience over the first trimester any day of the week. While it certainly is painful, it's also extremely exciting. I wish I could relive the moment I met my daughter over, and over again. It truly is wonderful.
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I was nervous in the beginning. Then I took birthing classes at the hospital and toured the facility which helped ease my concerns and answered a lot of questions. And now at 39 weeks pregnant I'm ready to meet my baby and get my body back. Not scared anymore.
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Don't be scared! The way I saw it during my pregnancy, there is absolutely no point being scared. It is inevitable that you will go into labor and have the baby. You might as well feel excited about it and concentrate on listening to your body and staying focused. I think if you go into it with an open mind and not too set on it going a certain way then you are setting yourself up for a positive experience and the fear kind of disappears.
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I was scared about everything for both births!
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The whole idea definitely freaked me out. Even on the way to the hospital I was nervous about it. But, now that I have been through it, I am less worried about any future births.
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I was terrified. I am such a baby when it comes to pain and especially in my *area*. I couldn't even handle cervical checks at the OB the last weeks of my pregnancy, so I totally get where you're coming from. The truth is though, it is inevitable and there is no avoiding it, so just keep focused and know that it will not last forever! Plus, like everyone told me...the second the baby comes out you feel this incredible relief of pain and it is SO true.
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@anonysquire: We ARE having a homebirth, and I have a few fears: baby not breathing, me hemorrhaging, needing to transfer, etc. I just focus on these fears & remind myself that our bodies are made for birth ... I know it doesn't always go to plan, but positive thinking goes a long way.
It sounds like a doula would be AMAZING for you guys ... You could find one that will leave you alone to an extent, and really just calm you & make sure you are comfortable.
I wish you luck in finding peace about the birth experience!!
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I went through phases of fear like this, it did come and go and eventually you give birth and everything works out!
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@anonysquire: No you're not an idiot. What helped me was learning about what will/won't happen. Reading everyone's birth stories etc. I was surprised when my water broke I was really calm. Went into our room woke DH up and said when need to go. I never yelled at him, nor he at me. I was scared of getting the Epidural but really I think when the time came I was so hopped up on excitment that the epidural wasn't a big deal. Felt just like having my blood drawn. I also took a birthing class and that really helped. She gave us a set of flash cards with words on them. Like pre-mature baby, tearing, high blood pressure, c-section... etc. She had us remove a card that we would be okay with happening. So for me, tearing in the example above was better than the other's happening. Basically the idea is to make you stop worrying about all the other things and focus on you and the baby.
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At some point, you will want to give birth more than you are afraid of giving birth! I promise!
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@anonysquire: normal! I had two major freak outs.. Once when I was a few weeks along & realized I had to give birth, and again toward the end when my section was scheduled. I got over it both times and told myself what goes in must come out LOL
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You're completely normal - wow, has anyone ever said that to you before?! Lol. But you ARE!! Giving birth is scary and to make it worse you get almost 10 months to think and obsess about it. We are ALL scared - I was terrified - but its just one night (well, 4 for me) and then its all over. Afterwards, it fades into the past and nobody can really remember what happened. You will be fine because you have to be! I will bet your anxiety will ease up on the day as well because you go into survival mode...
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I was scared, too. But, even after the traumatic labor I went through with S, I STILL went and got pregnant again and am willing to go through it again. So, it's really not that bad! It's bad...but not that bad.
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I could have written this, but for me my anxiety attacks happened much later in pregnancy. Up to that point I was purposefully ignoring the eventual outcome of my pregnancy. I had at least four panic attacks during the night where DH had to talk me down off the proverbial ledge (I nearly hyperventilated each time, I got myself so worked up). Like you, for me it wasn't about my body or the pain, it was about loss of control. I kept on begging my husband to let me have a home birth (I would joke that I was going to wander off into the woods when I went into labor. Apparently I mentioned this often enough that DH made me promise to tell him when I went into labor. Oops!).
I also never reached the point in my pregnancy where I was so uncomfortable that I was wishing for it end.
In the end though, I had a very calm, very quiet birth experience. I labored on my own to 6cm, went to the hospital, had an epidural about an hour or two after arriving there. For me intense pain never really came into the picture. I did tear, but I didn't feel it. There was only one nurse with me for most of the time (and she was *amazing*). The doctor kind of floated in and out, and another nurse or two showed up at the very end. Everyone was very kind.
I think it would be crazy not to be scared of the unknown! But it all really will be okay
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I've suffered from anxiety for years and sure enough found myself having anxiety attacks after every contraction once we got to the hospital. In came Nubain!! It was amazing for relaxing between contractions. Instead of panic I was able to breathe and rest some.. Good luck!
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It's normal. I really wasn't scared of labor though. I just saw it as part of the process to get LO here. Parts of it aren't fun and are painful, but once it's done, there's a little LO happy to his/her mommy.
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I am scared too. I'm scared of havig enough energy to push out two babies & I'm scared that I may end up having a c section. I'm scared that it will hurt & that I will end up giving into pain meds. I'm scared of so many things going wrong but like a pp said many other woman have done this & we can do it too!
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@anonysquire: came back to add that having the medical personnel around me while in labor made me feel more secure. When the OBGYN broke my water there was meconium in the fluid so I delivered with DH, my OBGYN, two or three nurses, and a NICU team of four or five doctors/nurses in the room. I didn't care at all. I was in a zone and just wanted my baby to be delivered safe and healthy.
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