Have you ever taken a mental health and not told your SO? I've been having a little dream, now that it's nicer out, of leaving in the morning at my normal time and then spending the whole day doing nothing. I haven't done anything like that this whole pandemic. I don't exactly know why part of the appeal is that it's secret except maybe that DH and I have so much togetherness that it would be fun to have something that's just for me. It's weird - I would feel weird and guilty for not telling, but if he knew I was taking the day off, I would feel guilty not taking care of some things like the laundry and dishes.
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Ooh I would do it! Or maybe if the guilt is too much suggest you both do it at separate times? With the idea that no housework or everyday errands are done, it is 8 hours completely off everything. It seems like a pretty low key ask if it doesn’t affect the normal schedule.
Soooooo much togetherness over here. I’m turning 40 in a month and all I really want is to be alone
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I did a day to myself about a month ago but I told my wife since she works from home now haha! There’s nowhere to go so I just laid on the couch all day napping, watching tv and being on my phone. It was glorious! We ordered lunch together but otherwise ignored each other. Either tell your spouse or not, but just do it! Highly recommend
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@Chuckles: I think you should do it, but I would tell your DH and explain that you need a day without any housework. My DH secretly took a day a few years ago, I found out, and I was honestly a little offended that he didn’t just tell me he needed a break 🤷♀️ I wouldn’t have cared at all, and I was happy he had a day to himself, but I didn’t understand why he felt the need to hide it. Now I can see his side, after reading your post, but at the time, it just felt weird.
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@Jessiemuller88: I do agree that it would be weird if he found out. I'll just tell him. I guess I just feel guilty about it.
@bhbee: I will definitely offer that he should take one too. He isn't good about that stuff either.
@muffinsmuffins: I'd love to be at home but our son is still remote learning so we have a nanny here with both kids. -
I would do this, but I would tell DH and just let him know I wasn’t doing anything productive that day! I can’t wait to do this sometime. It sounds glorious!!
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You should do it whether or not you tell him. We all need a break now and then. There is always something to be done but if you normally wouldn’t be home doing it then nothing is getting any more behind.
I took the four days before Easter off. I had a list of things I wanted to do and did exactly one of them. It was kind of nice to lay around and watch tv instead. I really needed that break. DH did take one day off and we had a day date.
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Definitely do it but I recommend telling him only because it gets weird if he were to find out and the benefit of your mental health day will end up getting wasted by having to explain why you didn't tell him. I feel similarly guilty but it's not my husband who does it, it's me, so I'm the one that has to get past myself to truly take time for myself. And it sounds like that might be the case for you too so make this a challenge for yourself
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I do this occasionally - not the not telling my husband part (we both work from home right now so either he’d notice pretty quickly or I’d have to spend the whole day shut in the office) but I take a day of leave and promise myself I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to do. It’s great!
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My fantasy is to take a mental health day that involves me laying in bed all day and DH waiting on me hand and foot, lol... (I'm pregnant and completely miserable, so that probably has something to do with it.) Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream. I have a big deadline in a couple of weeks and then I'm definitely taking a mental health day. I doubt my husband would care one way or another if I told him. And definitely, zero guilt for not doing the laundry or whatever on a mental health day, that would totally defy the point!
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I took all of Spring Break off while my husband worked. I had partial childcare, took my kids on a few day trips by myself, and told my husband not to expect anything productive out of me other than having fun with the kids.
Just do what you need to do in order to get through this pandemic! Tell him, don't tell him, either way is fine.
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Thanks, all! It really helps me feel less guilty to know that other people do this and feel this need. I told DH yesterday that I wanted to take a mental health day soon. He didn't respond very enthusiastically. It might have just been the timing, but of course I immediately felt bad and was like, maybe I can just take a half day. Being a woman and mom is hard
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@Chuckles: I find that my DH rarely reacts/responds in a way that I would prefer/expect. Don’t let his reaction change your mind. Take your whole day! You deserve it.
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I used to do this 1-2 times a year pre-pandemic. I would take E to daycare and then spend the day by myself at home, maybe going to a bookstore but not running errands or cleaning or doing household chores. Sometimes I would tell my husband other times not depends on some context. I almost universally take an extra day off after spending more than 4 days with either of our families and DH always knows about those but my random he doesn't know about and I feel no guilt. I don't tell him if I don't want him to try and add things to my day, like a trip to a store or whatever. I am looking forward to doing this again come post pandemic times.
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My my husband and I try to do this a few times a year, but we don't necessarily keep it from each other. He likes to go to the movies (pre-covid) on his days, or on a bike ride to the beach. I sometimes just want the house to myself, or I go shopping or go to the beach or to a bookstore...
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@Jessiemuller88: Thanks!
@snarkybiochemist: Thanks! If you don't tell him ahead of time, I'm assuming you tell him whenever you're back together around dinner?Ok, ladies. I'm looking ahead at my calendar for a day when I don't have a bunch of important meetings and it will be nicer weather. I'm so excited to do this in the next week or two!
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@Chuckles: I like this idea and hope you have a great one! Not necessarily the secret part, but before the pandemic, I loved the idea of a weekday to myself for a mental health break.
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That sounds so tempting! I almost did it this week, because everyone was going to be out of the house and I'd been working nights and weekends and was just done. But work stuff happened and I was chained to my computer all day. Still want that mental health day!
I think I'll just take off on my birthday and go somewhere and sit for a couple of hours alone. And no one better try to wish me a happy birthday or sing any songs or try to sit me down to have cake. I just want to not see or talk to anyone for a good long while. That's all.
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@Mama Bird: definitely take off on your birthday and do whatever you want! I also have had trouble finding a day because of work stuff, but I'm planning for this Friday as of now
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Thanks to everyone for your encouragement! Update: I did take a mental health day off yesterday. It was both awesome and weird. I seriously had no idea what to do with myself at first. I got coffee and couldn't shake the feeling like I had to hurry up for some sort of time limit. And then the next things I did were run an errand and wander Target where I only bought things for my children. Pathetic
But I got more comfortable after that and ended up having a fun day of reading outside, doing a little shopping (which I hadn't done before covid), and walking in a nearby forest preserve. I encourage everyone to take a full day off with no demands if you possibly can!
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@Chuckles: I’m so glad you took your day! Last weekend, my parents watched my kids an entire Saturday, from like 9-5. I also had that weird shaky feeling, like I should be doing something, for the first couple of hours! That’s great you were able to enjoy the rest of your time and get outside. It always makes me feel best!
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