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DS2, same age, is on the verge of crawling. During Christmas break we put all toys that aren’t baby safe either in DS1’s (6yo) room or the plat area in the basement. We put baby safe toys on the shelf in the dining area. He is aloud to bring these toys into the living area to play but in general it has to be at the kitchen table. We didn’t make DS1 give any old toys like his little people to the baby but instead asked that he share. He has decided on his own to give some things as he realizes he’s too old for them.

I can see issues arising as the baby gets mobile though.

My two are much closer in age, but are struggling right now with sharing and I do what @Foodnerd81: says. The only toy my oldest doesn’t have to share is her special stuffy that she carries around the house 24/7.

Mine are 3.5 and 10 months so a little closer in age. If the baby grabs a big kid toy, I say playfully "no G... that's not your toy. That's C's toy!" The baby usually laughs, and the big kid ends up feeling a little better that I'm seemingly on her side.

We have also specified toys that only the big kid can play with, only the baby can play with, and ones they share. They are in different color cube storage bins. It was decided by the parents and is mostly agreed on by the big kid.

I have three girls - 6.5, 5, and 2.5. This is definitely a hard thing - we've had to work at it and have tried different approaches. It has gotten better as the youngest one now has things that interest the older ones, so sharing goes in all directions. Where we are now is basically:

-"sets" like magformers, our brio train, blocks, the play kitchen/food, etc. belong to everyone, regardless of which piece may have at some point been given specifically to which kid.

- things that go together, like LOL dolls and all their parts, or accessories for (fake) American Girl dolls, may "belong" to one child or the other when they sort them out, but at the end of the day, everyone gets to play with them and they need to be shared.

- very specific items, like the larger dolls themselves, definitely belong to one girl - I wouldn't let DD1 take DD2's doll to bed with her, for example. But I do expect some level of sharing, like allowing DD1's friend to use one of DD2's dolls if DD2 isn't around.

-as they've gotten older, I am able to explain better to them that it's ridiculous to have two or three of the same thing - if they are able to share the things they each have, there's a better variety for ALL of them to play with, rather than doubling up on the same/similar toys. Also, while it's not the kindest, I've told the oldest before that all of our real "baby" toys were really given to mommy and daddy when they were expecting their first baby for the FAMILY to play with together, no matter how many people that family became. Some people might not like this, but it actually seemed to resonate with her!

All of my "you must share" rules include the unspoken rule that this only holds true if the toys are being treated with respect. If one sister were to repeatedly damage toys that ultimately "belong" to another, I will say that I have to start differentiating what belongs to whom, and she can't continue to use her sister's things. One example of this is that I have started buying my eldest her own (nicer) markers/crayons, and letting her keep those in her own room, because the younger girls are still pretty rough on art supplies.

For your situation, maybe you can try to get on the sharing track by specifically buying some things "for" DS2 that would interest DS1 as well. Some "baby" things my older girls have really liked to borrow from their littlest sister (even though you'd think they'd consider them too babyish) have been various Little People sets, a set of plush horses that come in a plush zipper barn, a noisy baby doll....that way you can make the point that DS2 is also sharing with DS1.

Ours are closer together (almost 3.5 and almost 1) and for now, we basically say if O wants to play with something at a level where baby can reach, she's going to have to share. If she wants to keep something away from her, she can use the counter, her bed, etc.. O is hard on her own stuff though and not particularly attached to anything specific, so that helps. As they get older, I think we will go the sharing route for almost everything. I don't like forcing sharing in the moment, but I don't think we will have much that is truly off limits to one or the other. Our house is too small and they're close enough in age that even now, they like a lot of the same things.

@PinkElephant: so funny this is my middle child too!! He is such a train wreck in general but he has never once messed up anything serious in there despite lots of access and only being 2 when she first went. Makes you wonder how much of his other behavior is deliberate destruction

Welcome to sibling life, haha! I have a 4 and 2 year old. Not sharing/fighting over toys is a daily occurrence!

I always tell my oldest that if there's something special you don't want your sister to have, please put it somewhere safe. Anywhere she can reach/get to is fair game. So far she has not tried to put everything away, so that works.

There are certain things we only do when sister's napping; like nail polish, aqua beads. Stuff that my 2 year old just cannot do without making a huge mess.

For everything else, it's always juggling act! I do find that sometimes letting them work it out, works! Someone may cry/yell/whatever but if I usually just let them be, someone will end up sharing or forgetting about it. With my 4 year old, I usually deflect to ask her how we should handle the situation. For my 2 year old, I have to remove if she's being the instigator.

I thought I would avoid this conflict because my kids are 5 years apart..... hahahaha I was so wrong.

It's getting better now that the youngest is almost 2.5 and the oldest is 7. They have their own special toys they like to play with but for everything else, they have to share. I've taught my 7 year old to always make sure he has an extra of something (like cars) because it is inevitable that the younger one will come over and try to steal his toys. This way he is able to give him one and they are both happy.

Our older kids (5 and 7) each have a "treasure box"- size of a shoebox where they can keep things that they don't want to share. Everything else belongs to everyone! So yeah...4 is a hard age for sharing in my experience...but I would pretty much emphasize that the toys belong to everyone in the family (you and your SO as well) so everyone can play with them.

Another voice of commiseration...just this afternoon my older LO (4) hurt the baby (1) twice trying to take a toy away from her. Which is the only thing that really makes me lose my temper with the older one. And then it can feel so unfair bc it’s not like you’re ever mad at the baby. Though I do sometimes pretend to scold her for my older daughter’s sake.

I think the iPad is way too high value and of interest for both kids and so I would not let my older one use one when the baby is around. Sometimes my older daughter has quiet time in her room and I let her use my phone or iPad to listen to stories, and that’s a nice break for everyone!