My current job is 12hr shifts + every other weekend. So it’s basically 2 shifts per week + every other sat/sun. Closed thanksgiving/xmas day. Open short hours on other holidays. I’ve loved it so far because I get time at home but my husband is pushing me to get a job with regular m-f 9-5 hours. Can anyone weigh in? My kids are 3 and 5 and as they move into their school years I’m wondering if this makes more sense even. I currently at 30hr per week - new job would be 40.
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I guess it depends what happens on your work days re school/activities (how complicated is it) but I have a friend who works really irregular hours and loves it for school age. She gets to kind of be a SAHM in terms of doing school pickup at 3 when she’s home, can volunteer at school, gets lots of kid time those days. And then when she works she is often gone full days at a time traveling. I think she sees it as a good trade that meets all her needs. Their childcare is crazy though since it’s not a regular schedule.
What is your husband’s push based on? Wants you to be home weekends? Wants predictability?
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@gotkimchi: My husband works shift work but it is way more erratic than that. He has start times all around the clock and they aren't on a regular schedule, although his number of hours is consistent every month. It has its pluses like we can trade off the kids to save on childcare, with grandma care making up the rest of the time, and he can make some events during the week. He can also do doctor appointments and such without taking actual time off. But he also misses a lot of holidays, birthdays, etc., and we don't have the normal family time on weekends, much less date nights. It's mentally tiring because it's not on a usual schedule. We each solo parent a lot (I do most bedtimes myself, and often my weekends are spent solo parenting) and it just gets to be a lot sometimes. When I wasn't full time I don't think it was as big of a deal.
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@bhbee: I think my husband wants me to hav regular hours because of what @2littlepumpkins: said - it’s just mentally tiring, lots of solo parenting for bedtimes and weekends and also it’s hard to schedule things like birthdays because I work every other weekend - I miss a lot of holidays due to it and with the kids going into school the days I work I can’t go to after school events etc. I have really appreciated the schedule when they’ve been little - we’ve save a ton a childcare and it does feel like I’m sort of a stay at home mom
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I would have to think really carefully about it. I'm currently in a 9-5 and it's such a grind. I have no flexibility to schedule things on weekdays or attend events for the kids unless I take vacation time. If I could do 30 hours broken up in a different way, I would.
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@psw27: ugh it’s so hard and I think you’re right each situation has drawbacks. I actually think 30 hours but no weekends would be ideal. Unfortunately the every other weekends are mandatory for us
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@gotkimchi: I agree. I have a friend who is a nurse and I think she does 3 10 hour days and it sounds so ideal!
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@psw27: I completely agree. I work a 9-5. My husband works three 12’s per week. Yes it sucks for me in the days he works BUT his schedule allows us so much flexibility when it comes to scheduling appointments, doing chores, errands. He’s applying for a more “regular” job soon because it is a step up, but I’m really worried about how a more regular schedule will impact our daily lives.
Our best friends both have standard 9-5s and I notice how much more “must do” things they have to do on the weekends than we do because DH gets it done during the week.
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@BadgerMom: @gotkimchi: Maybe it depends on your line or work - but I can say that if I had to get a new job tomorrow, I would literally never again take a strict 9-5 with no work from home or flex time or time shifting. I'm losing my mind. I feel like my life is a round peg and my job is a square hole and it just doesn't match up at all. Maybe my bias is showing too much against 9-5s!
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DH works non traditional hours - he works every weekend and has two week days off. Shifts can start as early as 7:30am and end as late as 9:30pm, his shifts are not the same day to day or week to week. Most weeks it's a mix of 7:30/8-5 and noon-9:30, but occasionally he has to be there 7:30a-9:30p or some random middle time. No work from home option or flex time once shifts are assigned.
Honestly is was great when DD was little, we would go places on weekdays when things were less crowded, he had a lot of mornings with us, and he could fit appointments in fairly easily. But now that DD is in preschool even two days a week it feels like he sees her a lot less. It will only be worse next year with three days a week and then even worse with kindergarten (and beyond).
It's hard because he genuinely likes his job and the money is good but long term he wants better hours. He has started job hunting but for now is not in a rush to find something.
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Do you work in healthcare? I ask because with hospital shifts, once you're good at your routine, you can usually leave on time. If you moved toward outpatient...leaving on time is much less predictable since you just stay until all the scheduled patients are seen. I work outpatient...theoretically 9:15a - 5:30p...but there are a LOT of nights that I still leave work at 7:30p. I do know a lot of RNs who consistently budget half or more of their PTO to taking off some of their rotating weekends...that might be something to consider.
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@lilyofthewest: yes healthcare - my hours are 9-8 and I always leave on time which is great. We’re not allowed to use pto on weekends which sucks
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Today is actually my husband's last day working 12 hour shifts with rotating weekends. He's getting a promotion that starts next week and will be shifting to a regular Monday-Friday schedule. He's been on a rotating schedule since I was still on maternity leave, so we have yet to see what a "normal" schedule looks like for us with a kid.
I do identify with the things that are tough for your husband. With my DH working every other weekend, he missed out on a lot of activities, birthdays, family events, etc. I also feel like the weekends he's off were always crammed full because we have to fit in all our family events when he's free. He works 12 hour shifts, and solo parenting for 13+ hours on the weekend (including commute time) can be exhausting, especially when we were in the earlier days before my daughter could entertain herself. Now that she's 3.5, we've had a good routine worked out, but the baby days were tiring!
Because I work a regular schedule, and my daughter goes to daycare during the week, he often had days off to himself during the week. I thought that was unfair to me, because half of my days off (weekends) I was solely responsible for our child. There will be things that I miss though. He was able to complete a lot of projects on his days off as well as chores and grocery shopping, Now we'll be trying to fit those in on the weekend when the kid is home, just like everyone else.
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@krispi: yes I think my husband finds my days off when the kids are in school “unfair” which I understand but I use that time to do 100% of laundry dishes errands cooking etc so it would definitely take some getting use to! Come back and update us as to how it works out. Also as I get older the longer shifts get harder and harder on me
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@psw27: totally agree with this as well. I’m off Fridays for this year and it has been an absolute game changer to have the extra day. I have zero time to enjoy the weekends when I’m working 5 days a week, and that’s with an amazing and helpful spouse who also works a regular 40 hour week. I use Fridays for cleaning, household stuff, Costco run, etc and just have a little time with DW and myself (she’s on mat leave) my quality of life has improved so much and I’m dreading having to go back to full time 5 days a week im September
if I could change up my hours in a different way, I would seriously consider it.
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Question for everyone : if your 40 hours was work from home would that change anyone’s opinions?
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@gotkimchi: my dh works from home full time, except we he travels for a week almost once a month. It’s really nice that he can be around with the kids so much more- he often works late but almost always can take a half hour break for bedtime, and he is always there for coffee and breakfast in the morning. He sees the kids waaaayyyy more than when he had an hour commute into the city. But I SAH so the House is often kind of loud because we are here, so that part isn’t ideal. He has a dedicated office but it’s off the kitchen. But also, I’m generally the primary parent that the kids go to when upset- if I was trying to work while he took care of them it would never work. They would always be coming in.
That doesn’t really answer about the shift schedule at all but it has been nice having him home. And he can watch one kid in a pinch- like I can leave one sick kid home in front of the tv while I go pick up the other from school.
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Your post is literally my life. I work 0.7 FTE shift work (12-hour shifts) and my husband has always pushed me to work M-F. My kids are 3&5 too! I worked a M-F 8:30-5 job for a bit and I HATED it! Granted my kids were a bit younger at the time but I felt like we were always rushing... rushing in the morning to get out the door on time, rushing after work to make dinner and get the kids in bed (usually with one or both of them having a meltdown because they were hungry/tired), then making lunches for the next day etc. I had absolutely NO time for myself, scheduling doctor/dentist appointments was a nightmare, and only two days off on the weekend to do all the laundry/grocery shopping etc. I would not do it again!!! I get it, the erratic hours sort of suck for my husband, BUT he doesn’t appreciate how much I get done during the week (laundry, groceries, appointments etc) so I free up weekends for us to actually spend time as a family. And I’m not going to lie, there are some days I take my son to kindergarten and my daughter to daycare for the day so I can get a massage etc. Plus groceries and stuff are so much easier on my own than with kids.
The one major downside to me is it’s hard to sign my kids up for activities (swimming, soccer etc) because my schedule is all over the place and inevitably they’re going to have to miss some activities. Plus we pay for full time daycare (but only use like 3 days/week) BUT I get to drop my son off at school and pick him up and feel like a “regular parent”. I spend way more time with my kids working shift work.
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@QBbride: yes ok this is exactly it. I love this schedule because I have plenty of me time and i can get all our chores done which yes no one (husband) appreciates! And I do have time for appointments, school stuff etc. and I love the reduced hours - I’ve always said I’ll never go back to 40. Buuuuut with the kids starting school I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and if I’m going to feel like I’m starting to miss out on a lot more. And yes we’ve never been able to sign ups for classes or anything like that. I guess it’s a catch 22
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@gotkimchi: my oldest is in school now and I love dropping him off and picking him up when I’m not working. Seeing his teacher, getting to know the other parents etc. If I was working 9-5, I would never get to do drop off and pick up. So I don’t really feel like I’m missing out 🤷♀️
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@QBbride: do you have to work weekends/holidays?
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@gotkimchi: yes, I do. That’s the big downside of course. That’s why my husband is pushing for M-F... 2 kids on your own all weekend (soon to be 3!) kinda sucks.
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@QBbride: that’s what my husbands complaint is. But I’m like I have them all my days off alone so I think it’s even. Im going to really have to give this some thought. I’ve never had a “normal” schedule in my adult life
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@gotkimchi: my whole career (RN) I strived for a M-F job... but then when I was actually in it, I hated it. I would do it again IF I could work 3 days/week. But 5 days/week almost killed me. Let me know what you end up choosing!! Such a hard decision.
if I could change up my hours in a different way, I would seriously consider it.
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