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My daughter just turned one yesterday and I "made" my parents, in-laws and my brother get the flu shot and the tdap shot (if they weren't already up to date). My doctor said that anyone who was going to be spending significant time around my daughter should have both of those. I am not over the top when it comes to wash your hands before you touch the baby, etc. but I figured it wouldn't hurt anyone to get those two shots before coming to see her. With that said, I didn't expect everyone in my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. to get the shots, only the people who would be around her very often.

In my opinion, I would think its okay to make the in-laws get the shot because I did that myself (everyone was very willing anyway/didn't give me a hard time) but it is annoying to me that they declined to do it with you. I guess you should be prepared for her to tell you the same! Good luck!!

@LabradorLover: same. People that were going to be around frequently (grandparents and our nanny) got the shots. I didn’t stress about everyone else.

We made this same demand of our parents, who were coming to stay for long visits during the winter through very populated areas on airplanes, when my DD was newborn.

I think this is appropriate. We made grandparents get the flu shot and made sure they were up to date on Tdap. I don’t think people need a new shot if they are up to date? There is no risk to the vaccine so seems weird to refuse.

@JJ2626: as far as I understood it at the time, the tdap was good for 10 years. So if they had it within the past 10 years, they were good. I feel like my doctor told me they were going to change that to 5 years sometime in the future but I could totally be making that up haha

My midwife recommended anyone spending a significant amount of time with the baby should get a booster. But she also considered those types of people to be us as parents, and caregivers. So my parents and in-laws, who each babysit once/week, are getting boosters (my SIL and BIL are also expecting so are also getting boosters; honestly even though we spend a lot of time together I wouldn’t have asked them).

Idk, is she going to really prevent anyone from coming to visit for a few months, and not take the baby out in public? Again, totally fine to ask for people spending significant amounts of time with the baby, but excessive for, say, the aunt she sees once a month.

@Becky: I agree. I think it would be excessive for extended family and friends who will pop in to meet the baby and then not come around again for a bit. I'm totally for the immediate family who will spend significant time but I don't think its necessary otherwise.

We did ask all close family members (our parents and siblings) to get TDAP boosters, and they readily complied. My MIL was dragging her feet about a flu shot, and my husband essentially told her she could see us but not our son if she didn't get it. She ultimately did. From what I've heard, this isn't uncommon. I'm just glad our family members are mostly proactive about this stuff. With our second, they obviously didn't have to get another TDAP, but my sister got her fiance to get his (he wasn't around our first when he was a baby).

@Becky: When my daughter was born, the doctor did essentially tell us not to leave the house for two months. We had to go in for an extra doctors appointment, and they basically took us right to the room instead of having us wait in the waiting area. This was certainly because of the local outbreak (They didn’t do this for our first two), but it can be transmitted very quickly.

So I'm going to be on the otherside of this I think. With my son I was more worried about my FIL's chain smoking than chance of whooping cough. I knew my dad was up to date on Tdap solely because he works on cars and comes in contact with rusty metal and what not that he gets one more frequently than every 10 years.

My mom is very hippie-ish in her personal use of vaccines and meds, so it wasn't worth it. My in laws I wanted minimal contact with anyways; and my sisters may or may not have had a correct Tdap (likely because we weren't 10 years out of school/degree programs that required it).

I also never got the flu shot until I was pregnant with my son 🤷‍♀️. I'm now 36+1 and I haven't thought of asking this time either. I know my baby sitter gets her flu shot, but that's about it.

@cat620: Yes I requested the same thing when my first daughter was born. Tdap and flu. There’s no good reason not to

My DD was born during a loval whooping cough outbreak and it was scary. Your SIL is well within her right to create her own boundaries and enforce them. Sounds like you created boundaries but perhaps did not enforce them? That was well within your right as well. Everyone has to make the right choice for them and their nuclear family. Over time those choices may evolve. My nephew was school aged when DD was born, during the outbreak, in the winter and I did not allow him around DD until she was 2 months old. 🤷‍♀️

@cat620: My brother and I mentioned vaccines to our parents before our kids were born (2 his and 2 mine, not together). I kind of assumed they complied when my brother had his oldest because they are doting grandparents and not anti vax. Turned out they didn't get the booster until my cousin had a high risk pregnancy and expected a premie. They finally got it because she required it of anybody that came in contact. I gave a slight side eye to my parents for that but I didn't hold them to the standard like she did.

I requested/required the same thing of all close family & babysitters.

I also actively avoided 4 friend's families who aren't vaccinated.

Almost all of my other friends have become moms in the past 10 years and are seemingly neutral so I hoped that they were vaxxed too, and I knew they'd only being seeing baby 1-2x. So I didn't explicitly "require" it with them.

I’m pretty relaxed about germs so this is not a hill to die on for me, but I also understand why it is for others. Getting the vaccine is such a simple thing to do and if it gives the new mom some peace, I don’t see anything wrong with that. She will likely relax as she learns the ropes, but with all the scary stories on the internet I can see why she’d rather just be safe. I’m in a large online group with babies all born in October (when my 2nd was born) and SO many people said they made sure everyone had the vaccine. We all prioritize different things and if this is something she needs to feel comfortable, I don’t see anything wrong with it

The Tdap vaccine is not, as far as I can tell, really a thing in Canada - I’ve only ever heard of it on these boards - but I don’t fault her for requiring it. I guess I don’t understand why you would draw the line between “people who will spend a lot of time with the baby” and “anyone who wants to hold the baby” - it only takes one exposure, right?

@SweetCaroline: Yes, exactly as you've said.

We requested that all family coming to see DS after he was born get the Tdap booster and flu. I even paid for my mom to get it because she baulked and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she hadn't had anything in decades. I just heard on the local news of a four year old in our town who died of flu. It's rampant right now where we are. I see no reason not to take these things seriously considering how little effort it takes and how awful the potential ramifications could be.

Eight years ago my husband and I both got the tdap (dtap?) shot at the request of my SIL. And at the time we lived 2.5 hours away.

So I don’t think It’s unusual.

@ALV91711: my best friend and her husband are from Toronto and she had it and asked all their family to get it. Quick google suggests it is recommended in Canada but maybe it’s more recent?