Sleep training

By travelgirl1 May 25, 2013

Last night I attempted to do some kind of sleep training but it was a big fat fail. I put A in her crib then stayed with her. She cried so I put my hands on her and tried to talk to her but she still cried. She stopped if I made eye contact with her (briefly) but got worse if I looked away.

So my question is this: should I be making eye contact with her, or does that give her the impression that it's time to play?

I aborted my attempt since I clearly didn't know what I was doing. Tonight I might try the pick up put down method, I know the leaving the room method isn't for us.

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12 comments

Koolbreeze
clementine / 896 posts

May 25, 2013

We don't sleep train, but when I'm putting DS2 down I cannot make eye contact or he starts acting goofy. Lol. So I will give him a kiss, rub his back, whatever but no eye contact!
kml636
pomegranate / 3225 posts

May 25, 2013

I did, but if it makes her more upset I wouldn't. Good luck; it's so hard...
hilsy85
squash / 13764 posts

May 25, 2013

I try to avoid eye contact--I find that if I'm sitting in the room, LO will often stare at me with a laser intensity. I have to look away though because if I look at him, he'll smile and start talking/laughing.
PrincessBaby
cantaloupe / 6610 posts

May 25, 2013

Good luck, mama! I am not sure about eye contact, but I would say that anything that disrupts her more - you should probably not do? I am about to do Ferber after I do a little more research...H woke up SIX times between 8pm and 7am. Ever since she started rolling her sleep is in the crapper. I gave her time to adjust to mastering a new skill/brain overstimulation but it's been a few weeks and my brain hurts from exhaustion!

Kudos to you for being strong enough to stay in the room. I have read a very compelling argument in support of doing that, but I will be sleep training H myself since DH is gone until June 8, and I am simply not woman enough to stay in the room with no other support system to get through that. I'm basically going to be hiding in our master bathroom with the vent on and water running so I cant hear!

Good luck!!!! Update us and let us know how she does!!!

Oh and btw, I found this brief synopsis of Ferber that I'm going to use...Just in case it helps you:
http://noobmommy.com/2008/11/to-ferberize-or-not-to-ferberize.html
NovBaby1112
grapefruit / 4066 posts

May 25, 2013

@travelgirl1: we have been sleep training by staying in the room and its been working great so far! So here are some tips I found to be helpful: I made the room completely dark, I can't really see her eyes this way. The only light is a little bit from her sound machine. Does your LO sleep on her belly or back? Mine sleeps on belly so it's a bit easier to not make eye contact. I rubbed her back, patted her, and shushed her and said mommys here, its night time. The first night was ROUGH, she screamed 45 minutes straight before falling asleep, but the 2nd and 3rd night have been much better- fussing for 20 and 10 mins before falling asleep. The first night I had to pick her up 3 times bc she was hysterical, but the last 2 nights I haven't had to. If you stick with it the first night and don't give in by rocking or nursing, I think you will find it will just get easier and easier. We are far from Sttn still, but at least she can now put herself to sleep and she can put herself back to sleep in the MOTN without nursing or rocking . Good luck mama!!!!!
pinkcupcake
cantaloupe / 6751 posts

May 25, 2013

Awh good luck! Sleep training is so difficult we used a modified CIO (check ins every few minutes) when LO was around 10 or 11 months old. We couldn't stay in the room w her- that would make her cry more. We had to leave the room and shut the door for it to work
travelgirl1
cantaloupe / 6630 posts

May 25, 2013

Thanks, guys! Omg I soooo don't want to do this but at the same time she needs to be able to go to sleep without my boob in her mouth. Actually I'd be okay with the nursing to sleep if I could just transfer her to her crib like days of old but now she needs to be held for the duration of all naps and I feel like I have to do something to change that.

@hilsy85: That's so hard, if I look at her she wants to play. When I tried the other day I ended up bringing her back in the living room because she was so upset and then she was so happy and gurgly and I thought maybe she was trying to act like that so we'd want her to stay up and not put her down again and just the thought of it broke my heart.

@PrincessBaby: Thank you, and thanks for the link! I am dreading tonight, I hate, hate HATE making her cry but her wakeups are similar to H's and it's killing me. Often I end up bringing her into our bed which she loves, and she nurses all night long which is fab for my supply but isn't helping her learn to fall asleep herself. I wish I could get DH to do this instead but I think it would upset her more. I'm going to pick her up every time she gets really bad in case she has wind or something
@NovBaby1112: thank you so much for those tips! Well her legs still bend like little froggy legs from when she was in the harness so she can't roll onto her tummy properly yet and so she's on her back staring me out, or rolling onto her side looking for my boob. I'm going to pick her up when she gets hysterical to rule out wind, pain etc. When your LO cried, did she do the whole choking cry thing? That's why I stopped after literally a minute the other day, I can't deal with her coughing and choking on her tears.
PurpleUnicorn
persimmon / 1035 posts

May 25, 2013

i can't offer advice but wanted to say that i hope things/her sleep get better soon! I am still anti sleep training (in the form of CIO that is), but I will admit that are some nights where I am soooo tired and don't feel like getting up in the MOTN or nursing to sleep in the evening that I can begin to feel the temptation to sleep train or at least understand where it comes from!!
NovBaby1112
grapefruit / 4066 posts

May 25, 2013

@travelgirl1: she was crying pretty hysterically, it was awful no choking tho...it is sooooo hard hearing them cry either way tho. i felt like a horrible mother that first night. but it homestly has gotten so much better in such little time. I just kept reminding myself that I was doing this to help her as well, as all that broken sleep isn't good for her either.

Another thing tho that I wanted to tell you from the sleep sense stay in the room method, is that the last thing you want to do is create a new prop for your LO. So like, I never pat or shhh her all the way to sleep, even in her crib. You just offer intermittent touch and choice words. That way your LO doesn't become dependent on you patting or singing or whatever to sleep, bc that's what we are trying to get away from! Lol. Sorry for the novel, just wanted to give you some tips in case you decide to go down this path
hilsy85
squash / 13764 posts

May 25, 2013

@travelgirl1: it actually might be better if your DH does the checks, she might see you and assume that she's going to be able to nurse. your DH might have an easier time settling her if that's not an option.
travelgirl1
cantaloupe / 6630 posts

May 25, 2013

@PurpleUnicorn: it's been such a hard decision, we'be actually talked ourselves out of starting until the weather gets warmer again as it's pretty cold here, isn't it? DH woke up cold last night so it's feasible she might and then I don't want to let her cry if she's cold.

@NovBaby1112: that's such a good,point about not creating sleep props, thank you!

@hilsy85: she goes nuts if he goes in instead of me at night so I don't know whether that would make it worse? I don't know, I was going to say I wish there was a manual on this kind of thing but there are, hundreds of them, and it's still so.hard!
Cole
grapefruit / 4649 posts

May 25, 2013

I don't know if this will work with your plan (I don't want you to trip) but I have been a nanny for 12 years and the one thing that always helps me is to just close my eyes. If I am patting their back or anywhere they might be able to see my eyes I just close them. I sometimes lay my head on the rail of the crib and usually throw in a yawn or two for good measure. I know it sounds sort of nuts but it seems to help them understand that they should do the same thing.

Good luck!

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Sleep training - if you stay in the room, do you make eye contact?

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