So I am pretty laid back about this whole pregnancy/baby thing and really don't get worried about a lot of stuff. I am not really a "by the book" person either, but I have been thinking a bit about heavy smokers holding our newborn.
We have some family members who smoke a lot (more than a pack a day) and their clothes always smell very strongly of smoke. Would you feel comfortable having those people hold your newborn, or would you ask them not to (or wear something over their clothes)?
persimmon / 1135 posts
I'll raise my hand and say that I'm a total uptight-judgemental person when it comes to smoking and babies (actually in general, but especially around babies). Thankfully, no one that would be holding our baby smokes anyway. I can't imagine what I'd do if it was an issue for us, but my instinct is to protect the baby from all that nastiness.
I don't envy your situation, as it's a sticky issue- whether to keep your LO from loved ones or keep them away from the smoke. I mean, how would you even go about it? If they are heavy smokers then their clothes would likely smell from being in their home, regardless of if they'd been washed before holding the baby. But like I said... I'm aware that I'm on the uptight end of the spectrum on this issue.
eggplant / 11287 posts
@MegWag: I just cant imagine saying to a family member "sorry, you can't hold her because you smoke." How do you even go about it?
but at the same time, their clothes constantly smell of smoke and I really don't want to expose a newborn to that AT ALL!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I have no idea how I'd handle your situation, but I do know that I wouldn't be ok with people reeking of smoke holding my baby. Her health comes first, even if I have to be a little mean to someone else to keep her healthy.
olive / 55 posts
opposite POV. I'm an ex-smoker (quit loooong before Junior was born) with smokers in the extended family (none with small children, thankfully). For me, as long as there's no lit cigs at all in the vicinity, and he/she takes the usual, age-appropriate precautions (purel and such if the baby is still brand new, etc), they're good to hold my son.
oh yes, i look upon the smoker-parent of a young child with as much derision as the next person... but i feel if a smoker friend or relative who loves our kid and wants to share their heart with my LO with a cuddle, i'm putting my judgement aside. when the smoke's out of the air, it's just another odor; he's not in harm's way, IMO.
persimmon / 1135 posts
@Mrsdaredevil: I don't know! Like I said, I'm just glad I don't have this issue as I'm sure it would be really hard to figure out the best way to proceed! I hope you figure out a workable compromise.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I have several family members who smoke. When I have a lo I don't plan on taking them to their homes where they smoke inside. If they want to see the baby they will have to come to me.
cherry / 151 posts
Hmmm, I'm not very tolerant of smoke either. However, I do want to point out that the smoke odor left on clothing is not completely harmless, and especially with the newness of a newborn's lungs, I wouldn't feel comfortable exposing my LO to any of that. I'd have to put thought to how to handle that situation, as I couldn't tell you what I would do if it were me in your situation. Best of luck!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
I wouldn't let a smoker hold my newborn. I'd be ok with a smoker holding our toddler though.
grapefruit / 4056 posts
Luckily I don't have to deal with this, I would likely ask them to put a blanket or something between the baby and their clothes though!
apricot / 403 posts
Most of my smoker friends are aware of their odor and do a thorough job of washing up and minimizing the odor.
If/when I have a LO, I'd be really vigilant about using purell..etc before holding the baby.
persimmon / 1202 posts
At least one of my parents smoked until I was 10 (they stopped smoking around me when I was 4, since my brother and I gave them so much crap about it.) Miraculously, at 10, I stopped being sick ALL the time, and only got seasonal colds. I still get sick if I spend much time around smokers - so it's not a baby-related issue, as I avoid spending too much time around people who make me sneeze blood. I'm OK with up to an hour and a half exposure, but longer than that, and a miserable week will follow.
bananas / 9227 posts
There's a girl that lives nearby that's a chain smoker and I know that when our LO comes, she'll be visiting and I'd dread for her to hold our baby. But thankfully, people seem to give you your space around these parts (family excluded, but that's another topic in itself) so I'm not too worried.
persimmon / 1329 posts
Very difficult topic. I don't know what I would do. I guess, it would depend on who the smoker is. If it's a very close relative versus extended family etc/
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I say if you can smell the smoke on them, then they shouldn't be able to hold your newborn/lo. If they have fresh clothes and have showered, then yes! s'all good.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I just want to second that smoke on clothing can still hold dangerous chemicals that you do not want to expose an infant to.
I read about once in an advice column. The person's father was a heavy smoker and they visited regularly with the new baby, so of course it was awkward. The columnist suggested a "Baby Shirt" that the parents of the baby bring with them - a fun shirt that says "Grandpa" or something - for the smoker to wear over their smoky clothes when holding the baby, in addition to washing their hands of course. I thought that was a good compromise that any loving, reasonable grandparent would agree to.
persimmon / 1087 posts
If I can smell smoke on them, then they aren't going to hold my son. Otherwise, cuddle away!
eggplant / 11287 posts
@tejbee: Actually, what prompted me to write this thread was the topic of "third degree or third hand smoke" in a SIDS prevention article.
It said that new research is being done that shows exposure to smoke through furniture and clothing can actually be dangerous to young infants (under 6 months).
honeydew / 7968 posts
eek! i would not want a smoker reeked of smoke to hold my babies. wouldn't know how to break it to them though. maybe give them a mint and ask them to wear a jacket (not their own) or something?
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Both of my inlaws smoke, but my son didn't like to be held so much, so in total, in the first year of his life they held him maybe an hour. I've leaned to pick my battles, YKWIM?
cherry / 170 posts
Our neighbor smokes heavily and smells of it badly. They love our son and newborn daughter like they are their grandkids. I wouldn't be able to take away that joy from them. Am I happy that they smell like smoke and are now holding my daughter, not really. Am I happy that they've loaded up my son into their car and taken him on field trips in a car that smells like smoke (knowing that they didn't smoke in the car), again, not really. But what surpasses all of this in my mind is their love for our children. Were they to be the primary caretakers of our kids, I might ask that they change clothes, but their not. So I put aside my worries and focus on how much they love our kids.
coconut / 8279 posts
A smoker came to visit in the hospital and I almost gagged. My baby had some health issues so no one could hold him. So at least we had that excuse then.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
This will be a big issue for us as most of my husband's family smokes. He makes me mad because he HATES smoking and he logically totally agrees that we won't want our baby exposed to smokey clothes and smokey cars... but he just immediately gets defensive of his family and has no backbone when it comes to them. So I know I will have to look like the jerk who lays down some ground rules but honestly I could care less what they think if I'm just trying to keep my child healthy. We don't all have to suffer because they have a gross habit.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I think as long as it didn't happen too often, I would be okay with it. Especially if it was someone high ranking like a grandparent. But if we had a friend come over several times a week who reeked of smoke I would have no problem saying "You reek man, what are you trying to do, get my baby addicted to cigarettes?" And grab him away.
squash / 13199 posts
I wouldnt want a heavy smoker to carry my baby. My coworker smokes a lot and he stinks of it all the time. I can barely breathe around him. No way I would let someone like that hold my baby
apricot / 427 posts
This one is so tough. Would I want our brand spanking new LO's to be snuggled by someone who smells suffocatingly like an ash-tray? No, no I wouldn't.
But at the same token Mr. McB smokes (he quit when we started trying after our wedding, but started up again after the miscarriage), my best-friend and my brother-in-law smoke. And then there are the people who I don't want to hold our LO's at ALL (mostly due to other substance abuse issues) who just happen to smoke and who I would like to use that as an excuse so that they don't (BIL's girlfriend, my mother, my mother's boyfriend).
It's hard to say, but I'm sure when we get KU again if Mr. McB has quit again, he won't allow it. His thought tends to be if he can quit for the good of the baby, anyone else who claims to love us and the baby will too. He's an idealist that one 
pear / 1965 posts
Agree this is hard. It def would make me un easy and especially with someone who will be around often. But I would feel horrible and dread finding a way to tell them. Hmm....
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