DH asked me if he could go on a trip with his buddies to our cabin 4 hours away about 6 weeks before my DD. Although I don't really care if he goes since he never gets to see his friends, he knows I am kind of hurt and nervous because it is close to the baby's arrival.
Would you let your SO go? How close is too close for your SO to be gone IYO?
nectarine / 2797 posts
DH and I both did a solo trip with friends earlier during my pregnancy, honestly, it was a fun thing to do that we felt like we wouldn't be able to go for a while. I think I was 28 weeks when he traveled. My mom and sister ended up coming into town that weekend for a girl's weekend so I didn't feel lonely or worried about being alone just in case. Assuming everything was going well with the pregnancy, I think 35ish weeks is probably the latest I would have wanted him to travel. Four hours isn't that far for him to drive back suddenly if it looks like you are going into labor, and maybe you could have a family member or girlfriend come hang out for the weekend if that would help you. But if you aren't comfortable being left alone for that weekend, then he should respect your feelings and not go!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
If it were me, I would have let him go only because my pregnancy was really good and at 34weeks, I was doing well. How long is he going for? In my opinion, I think 36weeks+ is the latest I would feel comfortable with.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I don't think I would mind...as long as there is good cell reception and he has a way back if he needs to leave early! I think 2 weeks would be my cutoff.
pomegranate / 3383 posts
I also wouldn't mind DH going on a trip at that stage of the pregnancy. We had our baby at the end of february. If he was planning a trip within that month I would have been more hesitant.
papaya / 10560 posts
I'll be 36 weeks when he wants to go. Cell reception is Ok...it's in the mountains about 280 miles away. I am probably just being mopey. He works out of town all week and I only see him on the weekends...so I am selfish with the weekends as LO arrival gets closer.
pomegranate / 3414 posts
My DH is wanting to do a similar thing. I'm torn on letting him go but he doesn't get to hang out with this friend very much anymore and they want to go backpacking which I hate.
papaya / 10560 posts
@purpletulips I know what you mean. Part of me says to just let him go, but part of me is mad and thinks he needs to sacrifice some and just get over it.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
As long as I didn't have complications I'd let him go. But if you're going to worry the whole time I'd make him stay.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
@lydg: I know how you feel, mine DH travels during the week too. So I know that it is hard to have them gone over the weekend when it is your only time for the week. I am not pregnant but I do think that if I was in your situation I would let him go. It is going to be a while before he will get another weekend away with the boys. Just make sure he has his phone on him all the time. I would just make sure to schedule you something fun to do, girl time, massage, pedicure, etc.
squash / 13764 posts
DH is going away to a bachelor party in TX (we live in NY) about 8 weeks before LO is born. It's one of his best friends, so he's definitely going...however, if for some reason there are complications or my doctor thinks that I could go into early labor, we would have to reevaluate!
pomegranate / 3008 posts
My pregnancy was uneventful so I would have let my husband go. I would say 38 weeks is when I'd ask him not to travel anywhere until after baby arrives.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I think 6 weeks is fine, if it were within 3 weeks I would rather he didn't leave (unless of course I was on bedrest/had complications/ect. then we would need to discuss it even further.) I think it's a good idea for him to get soem guy time in before he is solely focused on you and baby.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
Well I'm a little confused because your first post says it's 6 weeks before your due date, so 34 weeks pregnant, but then you said you would be 36 weeks pregnant. Those two weeks actually make a big difference in my mind because 36 weeks and later is when I would be uncomfortable with my husband traveling. But at 34 weeks I would be fine with it.
pear / 1837 posts
I think it depends on a few things. With my DH, he'd rather me tell him "No" than tell him to go ahead, but then be resentful and guilt trip him about it. We had a rule throughout my pregnancy that if DH had to be gone for more than a couple nights, he had to find me a babysitter (for me. not for the unborn baby). I had a miserable pregnancy, and I'm lucky enough to have a sister in town who can easily stay with me, and a mother out of town who is unemployed and likes to visit. So that made a big difference to me and wasn't hard to arrange (we learned this lesson during my first pregnancy, which ended in a loss at 13 weeks.... DH was out of town and I was alone and un-contact-able when I got some bad news, and it was really really awful).
The cell phone thing would be a big deal for me. I feel like for future pregnancies, I'd be ok with DH traveling (as long as I have the help I need), but going somewhere for fun where he might not be reachable would be a no-go for me, I think. If cell phone access is spotty, can you ask him to check in frequently to help ease your worries of being out of touch?
pear / 1837 posts
Also, DH has done a couple of weekends away post-baby. He went to a wedding when LO was 6 weeks old, he's had a couple weekends at home to himself when I've gone with LO to visit other family, and he did a weekend-in-the-woods-with-the-boys two months ago. When LO was little, I made sure to have help when he was gone; now I'm fine being home alone with LO.
So I just want to point out that having kids does not necessarily negate the possibility of seeing friends, and having kid-free time with friends. I had such a miserable pregnancy, and LO is relatively easy... I'm actually much more ok with DH being gone NOW than I was when I was pregnant.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Depending on how I was feeling (e.g. pains, mobility restrictions, etc.), I'd be okay with the hubby going. If it was week 38+ then I'd be a little more reluctant.
papaya / 10560 posts
@mamamoose - whoops, i just mistyped 36 and should have put 34...so I'll be six weeks out from my DD.
I suppose I'm just paranoid...I had major hemorrhage around 9 weeks and couldn't get a hold of him when I was in the hospital until after I'd been there for over an hour, and then he had an hour drive into town...it was just a scary time. I'm not the type to tell him he can't go, but with him living and working out of town M-F, it bums me out more than I thought it would with the thought of him being gone.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
Dh is going to Germany 4 weeks before my due date. It doesn't make me nervous.. It'll be his last trip before baby though
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
I would be nervous that close. As a compromise, is there a way for him to go a little sooner? Otherwise, I'd let him go and have a list of everyone's numbers just in case. It will likely be his last trip like that for a while, so it will be a nice way for him to recharge his batteries before the baby comes.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I probably wouldn't be comfortable with it especially if it were my first pregnancy. Even though he could probably get home in time for the delivery, I would assume there would be heavy drinking going on so it wouldnt' really be a possibility for him to leave immediately. Plus my DH is terrible about answering his phone, so I would be nervous that he would be unreachable in the first place.
But like PP's have said, if you have someone like a family member or close friend nearby who can be on call that weekend and you're comfortable with the idea of not having your DH there for the delivery, then maybe you can compromise and take that chance.
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