My boy bit my girl today. He is 2 , she is 5 months. She hasn't been feeling well, so we have kind of being keeping him away/off of her. He constantly wants to kiss her, kiss her hands, hold her arms and she really isn't enjoying it. Tonight he kissed her hand and then bit her finger. I don't want to let him near her now! What do I do? Suggestions? I am kind of on the positive parenting train but really unsure as to how to handle this as my gut reaction is anger. I don't want it to happen again.
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Biting books helped my LO when she was biting at day care.
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This is weird but I have a very vivid early memory of biting my younger brother when I was young, I definitely wasn't any older than 5 but I feel like I was 3-4 yo. I remember not realizing that I could actually hurt him, and being horrified at what I had done. My parents put me in a time out in my room and I cried and cried! The biting never happened again but I was definitely a very jealous older sister as I got older until I grew out of it. I don't remember anything else my parents did but did your DS show any remorse or concept of what he did?
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Ha, since you're on the positive parenting train, I should probably just move along. We don't do positive anything when it comes to things like biting.
He'd get a spanking in my house.
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@Skadi: Same..
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@Suzanne44: did it break the skin? Or leave a lasting mark? Does he bite often? If your daughter is physically fine, I wouldn't worry too much about it or make a big deal out of it. From a "positive parenting" perspective, I would talk to him and tell him that biting hurts people & is not a good way to touch someone, especially sister. If he did it again, you could remind him that biting hurts and remove him/tell him he cannot be around his sister for X amount of time because he is not being safe with her.
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@Skadi: @StbHisMrs: ah well, trying to be on the positive parenting train... Or somewhere in between. He just did it again and he got a swat from me. I am not completely on board the train - I did sleep train - but do want to discipline differently because I have a bad temper and don't want to overreact. I hope to find a good balance one day.
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@Smurfette: I have the books. He has never bit until today. And then twice today. Maddening!
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@MenagerieMama: he knows he hurt her and said sorry, but did it again anyway. @JoyfulKiwi: he left a mark on her finger and fingernail. I am not happy with him or how I reacted the second time. First time I held it together. And no, he has never bit before.
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@Suzanne44: Do you guys ever blow raspberries on your kids? I was surprised to learn that it can encourage biting!
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/08/20/how-we-created-a-biter/Mrs Lion wrote a helpful post with tips on how to handle biting:
http://www.hellobee.com/2013/10/29/dealing-with-toddlers-who-bite/I've heard great things about this book on the subject!
http://www.amazon.com/No-Biting-Practice-Toddler-Programs/dp/1933653566 -
@mrbee: no, we don't blow raspberries. Thanks for the links! I will check them all out.
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@Suzanne44: my 2 year old bit his 2 month old sister on the toe and like @MenagerieMama: said was completely horrified that he hurt her. he is very very affectionate towards her in general, like your son seems. i just really think 2 is a such a weird age and curiosity gets the best of them.
for that particular situation we put him in time out and he cried his eyes out. he hasn't bitten since. hopefully your lo is just learning what is ok and what isn't and it doesn't turn into a habit...
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Is he teething? I notice that ds2's fingers are more likely to end up in ds1's mouth when he has molars coming in!
Tots explore the world through all of their senses and they won't know the first few times they bite that it hurts. DS has bit me in a completely curious way, not malicious at all, a few times and I remained calm and asked him not to put his teeth on me. He only did it two or three times.
We did go through a brief hitting phase when DS2 was around 3 months. We took it very seriously, but I wanted him to know *why* we were against hitting, not just have a big blow up reaction or hit him back. So I would usually give DS2 a lot of attention so DS1 wouldn't think of it as a way to get my attention. Then I would hold DS2 on my lap and tell him "in this family, we don't hit. Hitting makes DS2 feel sad. We don't want him to feel sad? Can you say you are sorry and give him nice touches?" And then when he does we make a big deal about "oh look how happy DS2 is! He feels so much better now that he had a nice hug from his big brother!"
It took a few weeks but it worked. (And it is important to remember kids are not like adults where they can just hear something once and know it. I mean, they don't hear the ABCs once and know them all! Behavior is the same - it is learned.)
And if you think it's teething just try to give him lots of other stuff to chew on!
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@jmarionsmith: Thanks for sharing your story. I hope it is a one (now two) time thing.
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@jedeve: yes, he is teething. Those molars have been bugging him for awhile. I don't know why he chose this evening to bite her fingers. What you say makes sense. It's very hard for me to remain calm because he hurt her but I am sure this won't be the last time he hurts her, so I need to be in control (meaning control of my emotions). Thanks for sharing what worked for you guys for hitting. That's kind of along the same lines as what I was trying to say the first time he did it, and then he did it again 20 minutes later. Helpful to keep in mind that they don't learn most things the first time they hear it. Good reminder for me, thank you!
I don't think it's just teething. My gut says he is frustrated about something. Maybe the attention because she is sick? Maybe because I try to get him to stop smothering her all day? I don't know.
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@Suzanne44: oh it's so hard though, I know! I mean you want to protect your baby! And I used to freak out that this meant they weren't going to be friends when they grew up and on and on. It's hard! So don't judge your own emotions either!
This thread reminded me of how DS would occasionally bite his own fingers really hard when he was teething and then cry. Kids...
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@jedeve: lol, kids say and do the weirdest things!
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@jedeve: any advice for preventative measures tomorrow? He constantly takes her hands and wants to kiss them. I don't even want him near her hands tomorrow.
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@Suzanne44: hmm can you give him other tasks? Like "oh thank you for giving her nice touches. how about you pat her toes?" Or "can you go find sis a toy?"
My LO has decided he wants to ride his younger brother. I don't know how to prevent that, haha. I console myself with the belief that number two will grow up tough. (I say that as a second child!)
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@jedeve: I will keep trying! I constantly try to get him to do other things. His kisses are bordering on obsessive. I may just have to switch things up more often tomorrow.
Oh dear, that's funny. Tough is probably the only option for survival! I too am a second child!
He'd get a spanking in my house.
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