Hello there! I was an avid reader/follower of Wedding Bee, so I suppose Hello Bee is the appropriate next obsession! My husband and I recently got married in May 2016, and are now starting to talk about TTC. I have MAJOR baby fever but whenever I ask my husband when he would like to start trying he responds with "soon." This is frustrating, but I don't know if I am fully ready yet either..
My question to y'all is, when did you know it was the right time to start trying?
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
Welcome! We knew it was time because we were old. 
Not helpful, I know. I know another important step for us was to be out of debt and be settled (own a home, have steady jobs, live where we knew we wanted to be) before having a child.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
After we got married, we just talked about when we thought we wanted to have kids and agreed on 28 (we were 25/26 when we got married). It gave us time to do some of the traveling we wanted to do before we had kids. And then as soon as I turned 28, I went off the pill and we started trying.
persimmon / 1130 posts
For us it was stability. I made a career change and we waited until I had some stability in my career before going ahead and TTC. We also wanted a house first, mostly because we thought it would be harder to save up for a down payment after having a child and needing to pay for daycare, etc.
squash / 13199 posts
@LittleBook: welcome! i came over from weddingbee too but that was several years ago. i personally feel like there is never a perfect time. i was anxious to start right away because we didnt know how long it would take to get pregnant
coconut / 8861 posts
We waited until we were married for a couple of years before trying for kids. I reached a certain point in our marriage and age when I was ready. A year after we married, a friend got married and was pregnant (at the wedding, whatever), but their marriage went through some struggles those first two years since she was pregnant and then a baby before their first anniversary. I'm always surprised by couples how have babies right away. Take your time and enjoy your marriage before kids.
Travel as much as you can, have many late night dinners out, sleep in lots, be spontaneous. I wished we traveled more before kids.
pear / 1677 posts
My husband and I initially agreed to start trying once we hit our 1 year anniversary. Then it happened and my husband kept stalling, until eventually I laid out actual reasons to start trying (not including that I've wanted one FOR-EVER). I told him about my super irregular cycles and the possible small chance we might have difficulties, I told him about medical/scientific facts about conceiving as I get older, and etc. Then I whined about it and he agreed. 
But in all seriousness, I told him we will never be truly ready to have a baby. I'm a nurse so I threw a bunch of medical jargon at him too. He's not bursting at the seams about TTC and having a baby, but he's much more comfortable talking about it now than just saying "someday, one day, eventually, soon." He thinks more about baby names than I do, in fact.
P.S. I've been obsessing for a BFP, but I'm sure when I get it, I'll probably sh!t myself.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
@LittleBook: Congrats on your wedding! We always knew we wanted to be a family and have our kids young so we waited til we could pay for a kid first and then we had our daughter! There really is no perfect time. Good luck!
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Adding: we had dd a little over two years after our wedding. Ds 3 years later. Never thought we would honestly contemplate this but now we both find ourselves feeling like we want a 3rd.
honeydew / 7235 posts
We waited until about a year after our wedding to start trying. Of course we thought it would happen right away, and it does for many, but it took about 10-12 months to get pregnant, LO arrived right after our 3 year wedding anniversary.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
We started trying 8 months after our wedding... DH is 7 years older so we knew we want to start a family asap (I was indifferent haha). Got pregnant the 3rd month.
honeydew / 7622 posts
We did not TTC until we had been married 8 years. We owned our home. Had no significant debt and I worked for myself so it was easy to SAH part time.
nectarine / 2461 posts
I think it's super common that one partner wants to get going before the other does, and there's pressure and compromise involved, which if it's respectful is definitely not the end of the world. and surprisingly I have many friends whose husbands were ready first.
I think it's fair to ask your husband to commit to a month that you will start trying so he can't wiggle around with "soon". Personally, we agreed on a year of marriage, and I felt ready because we were getting old and our careers/finances were super stable. But like some pp's have said, depending on your personality, you might never feel ready 
olive / 61 posts
I am also a former wedding we user and I got married in 2012. Once I hit 30 and felt that we had enough bucket list traveling under our belt then I felt more comfortable proceeding with trying..but to be honest I didn't expect to get pregnant as fast as I did so it took me a few months to truly be comfortable with our upcoming change in lifestyle to feel ready. I just thought it would take longer than a weekend!
pea / 24 posts
WOW thank you for responding everyone! My husband and I just bought a house in September, I have a good job and he owns his own business. Everything seems to be settling down after the wedding, but one BIG question is what we are going to do for childcare after my maternity leave. We live 2 hours from both sets of parents, and my dream is to stay home with a baby - but that does not seem practical, financially.
My mother keeps saying "there is no perfect time for a baby, you'll never have all the answers." I agree with her, but being the type A person I am, I feel anxious about the unknown! (and so does my DH, hence the hesitation!)
pear / 1677 posts
@LittleBook: I wonder about childcare too. I work every day and my husband works from 3pm-11pm a few days a week. I always assumed he would cut down his hours and stay home with the baby, but then he brought up daycare when we decided to start trying. I can't stay home or be part time either as I am the breadwinner between us. 
pea / 24 posts
@madisonbee: Its so tough. My job provides health insurance for the both of us, so there is absolutely no way I can stay home either 
I also know daycare is super expensive and have heard some horror stories. Definitely a ton of researching of childcare in my future!
grapefruit / 4089 posts
We've been waiting for a couple of years, and every time we hit another milestone / cross something major off the list, I think of something else that would be "ideal" to do before having a kid. I know I could do this forever. We both want to start our family so badly and we're in a good place, so we've decided to go for it. The list will still be there, things might just get crossed off a little more slowly. We're OK with that!
Childcare is a concern for us, too. I'm self employed in a country where most women take a year off, and that's not really an option for me. I understand the stress about that, but we will totally figure it out so I'm trying not to let it get to me
persimmon / 1111 posts
This is such a personal decision. My advice is to expect that you could get pregnant right away or it could take months. We made the decision by breaking it down to baby steps. When would I go off of BC? The logical time was when my prescription was up. It can easily take 3-6 months for your cycle to regulate (or you can get pregnant right away), so this isn't necessarily trying. Three months after we stopped BC I got pregnant and we had a miscarriage and D&C. Then I had a CP the next cycle. Then we had a sticky pregnancy the next cycle (9 months after going off BC).
How did we decide we were ready? We had our affairs in order, could afford it, and took a wait and see approach. We were never ready, but were ready to take the baby steps (go off of the pill, NTNP, then actively try after the MC). For baby #2 we have a similar approach. We absolutely prevented for the first 13 months pp, then we will use breastfeeding as bc until my period returns and then NFP until we feel ready (around age 2) to start trying again.
persimmon / 1111 posts
@madisonbee: What are your hours? Can you get a nanny for 2-6 (or whenever you get home)? That would be much cheaper than daycare.
@LittleBook: We were shocked at the cost. I recommend writing a check for the daycare cost each month and putting it in a savings account as you decide to TTC. Then that will be a nice little nest egg for all of the unexpected baby costs. It also makes sure you can afford child care.
pear / 1677 posts
@Pollywog: Hmm that's true! I get off work at 430pm (most times). The only reason childcare was considered is because DH sleeps from 6am - 2pm before his 3pm shift. So...still no one to really watch the baby. We'll see! I need a BFP first. Lol.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
Welcome! For us, it was that we felt settled in jobs and a home. We also wanted to enjoy some travels alone before kids, so we did some of that before starting our family.
nectarine / 2987 posts
We waited for three years after our wedding, until my husband's commitment to the IRR was done. I didn't want to get pregnant and then have him called in for duty if it was avoidable. If I could go back and do it again I would have waited another year or two. You never get to be just a couple again, although I of course don't regret our children.
cherry / 237 posts
This was my husband. I've always known I wanted to be a mom and was ready and sitting on go after we got married but I knew he wasn't ready yet. It was hard to not bring it up but I tried to allow him to truly tell me when he was ready because I wanted that for him and us! We went to a college fraternity reunion event of his and all of his old frat brothers were gushing about their little ones. After that trip we got home and he told me he was totally ready. Now we have a 16 month old! Granted I didn't have to wait too long but I'm glad it worked out the way it did. Edited to add we bought our first home prior and both were settled into our jobs and financially stable. With that said, you are never truly ready I feel! There's always something to improve on
persimmon / 1111 posts
@madisonbee: But couldn't he sleep from 11-7? My thought is that for $1400 a month, I would gladly re-arrange my sleep. Especially because with his current schedule he would never see his kid.
pea / 24 posts
@pinkarmadillo: This is very much the same boat I am in now! I have always wanted to be a mom, and now that we are married, own a house and have stable jobs I am itching to start. I absolutely do not want to pressure my husband though, but it is very hard not to bring it up.
He goes through phases, especially after spending time with our 4 month old niece, where he is 100% on board but that changes.
For now I am going to keep my mouth shut and read hello bee
BTW: can anyone give me a list of acronyms everyone uses? Sometimes I read posts and have no idea what it means!
Thanks again!
cherry / 237 posts
@LittleBook: until then sleep in, take weekend getaways, enjoy some wine with friends and having alone time with your husband. I know it's hard when you want something so bad but it's worth the wait and while I cherish and love her dearly I sometimes miss those moments alone with him so soak it up while you're in this season of life. It will change before you know it!
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