I am very sure that our babe coming in September is our last. I was honestly on the fence about a second (and a first child double honestly) and am positive I will not change my mind. DH supports whatever I choose for family size, we waited until we were married 8 years to start a family, so we are both in our mid 30s. He just wants me to be happy. That said, he thinks we should wait a couple years for a vasectomy, just in case. So if you were 100% sure you were done, how long did you wait to take permanent measures? I’d likely go on depo in the short term but I really don’t want to risk an unplanned pregnancy and I’m ready to be off birth control. I’m not excited about an IUD.
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Totally not what you asked, but would you mind if I asked how you decided to go for #2? DH and I are tying to make this decision now and neither of us feels strongly in either direction, which I think makes it harder! Anyway, no pressure!
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So we're not done yet, but I already know that I will have my tubes removed in my final c section (or weeks after depending on hospital policy). I don't want to drag it out, go back on hormonal bc, or have an oops when we know we're done. Also having tubes fully removed is showing to greatly decrease ovarian cancer risks, and I want to fight my already increased odds anyway I can.
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@peaches1038: oh I don’t mind. We recently moved cross country and our lives have slowed down a lot. DD is so independent, and fun. I’m not planning on working more than part time ever again (unless I need to or something changes, we moved for DHs very secure career track). DD is starting full day preschool this fall, so I can really commit to a lot of quality time with a second.
Also a close friend lost her only child when she was in college, she said to me that I’d never regret more children. I know anything could happen to any child- DH lost 2 cousins from the same family.
I feel that now that I’m a Mother I’ve come to love it much more than I expected to. It’s been the great joy of my life. Bring parents has added so much to our lives, and our marriage and family is in a really great place. I’m ready to do it again.
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@Sams Mom: I’m getting my BRCA1 test done after baby is born. I’ve already had cancer and my grandma had breast cancer 2x. Great consideration. I did not have a section or else this would be in the table if you will.
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I feel sure we are done at 2, but probably not quite as sure as you are. Like right now i definitely don’t want more, but I can’t rule out that something could happen that could change that. But if something happened to us that we knew we could never have more children I wouldn’t be upset.
I got an IUD after our second was born and we haven’t done anything else. I’ve had it for 3 years, and when it expires in 2 years I might get another one unless my doctor advises against it. After that I guess it’s on DH.
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@youboots: tubes are laparoscopic now from my understanding, so it can be done at 6 weeks or later.
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Our second and last baby is also due in September, and we have decided to wait until she's born (hopefully) healthy and have DH get a vasectomy shortly after. Preferably when I'm still so newly postpartum that we aren't having sex since it takes however many months (3?) to be sure there are no more live sperm. I can't take hormonal birth control due to a blood clotting disorder and we definitely are ready to be done with condoms forever.
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I'm pregnant with our second. I vaguely would like another but my husband absolutely does not want another biological child. We're currently looking for a urologist and will likely have his vasectomy done while I'm recovering from childbirth. (We considered doing it before the end of last year as we had already met our deductible but god forbid something happened to this pregnancy it would have been devastating)
I think if we both weren't open to adoption for a possible 3rd we would wait longer. But in all honesty this pregnancy at 31 has been way harder than my first at 28 so I'm ok with not carrying another. And my husband for sure doesn't want to deal with pregnant me again
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If you're sure I'd go for it. (I also hate bc and am not willing to go on any type when hubby is certain he's done)
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@IRunForFun: I've actually read it's generally just a certain number of ejaculations before all of the live sperm are expelled. So it just depends on that how long it takes
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I'm due with #2 in June and we're 99.9% sure we're done. We're waiting until baby gets here and if we still feel the same we'll probably schedule DH's vasectomy before the end of the year because we'll definitely meet our deductible.
I'm 28 and DH is 27 so technically we have many child bearing years left but I just feel done. I'm ready to move past the stress of TTC/pregnancy.
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@MamaBear87: Eh well he can take care of that then!
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My husband had a vasectomy 8 months after our second and final child. No regrets at all!
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DH went in as soon as he could after our third. I was pretty hormonal still and was quite sad we were taking permanent measures. He hasn’t had his follow up yet but I’m sure it’s all clear
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I’m pregnant with our 3rd and last and I’ll have a tubal during my c section. This baby, while we’re now very excited, wasn’t planned and I don’t want another oops.
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100% sure we were done with 3 basically from the moment I got pregnant. DH got a vasectomy when our third was 4 months old.
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My 2nd (and last) is 3.5. I'm on Mirena and we haven't made any steps towards anything permanent. One reason is that I wanted our friends that were having 3 to have them first just to make sure the fever doesn't get us (so far so good there). The other reason is I hate periods so I'm ok being on Mirena for now.
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I think for me personally I would wait at least a few months after my final child is born to know they are healthy etc. I recently met a mom who had her tubes removed with her final section (baby #3) and found out baby has/had a very devastating diagnosis, and she will not survive very long. I can’t stop thinking about this mom and whether she would have made a different decision if she knew what the outcome of baby #3 would be. Not that you can ever replace a child but in that situation I might consider another one.
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Our third is 10.5 months old and I’m 98% sure we’re done so we’ll probably look at permanent measures later this year. I’ve only just decided that I’m cool not having a fourth (I’ve gone from wanting a fourth to bring 75% done to 98% done in the space of three months!) so we’re not quite ready to permanently shut up shop!
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My friend group is still too young to be considering this, but I have heard people in my mom’s and in-laws generations talk about how their doctors suggested they wait until the new baby is “out of the woods” so to speak like @qbride said. I feel like making the decision after having 2 is very different than after having 3 but I could be wrong. I would probably wait at least a year—idk about any of you but we weren’t having tons of sex after we welcome #2 so a year of preventing pregnancy isn’t so bad. But if you end up with a c section I agree—that could change things and be a good opportunity to take care of it right then vs having to go through it later.
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So I can offer up two examples:
One is ourselves. We knew that after our 3rd and 4th (twins) were born that we were done, financially, emotionally and strength wise. So 7 or 8 months after they were born my husband got a vasectomy. He said he was definitely done and didn't want me to have to take permanent measures since I had carried the children. We are 100% happy with the decision although I still sometimes feel sad to not ever carry a child again. But then something crazy happens in our house and it pulls me out of my funk real quick.The other example is friends of ours. Here it was her that was just so sure that she was done (for mainly health reasons) that she got the tubal while having her 2nd csection and she also said that she wanted her husband to have the ability to have more children should something happen to their marriage. Well that's just what happened and they are now divorced. So far none of them have additional children.
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My husband got a vasectomy three months after our second was born. Sometimes I wish we hadn’t done it, but that’s wishful thinking - two is the right number for our family, I just would have liked a third in a perfect world.
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My husband got a vasectomy in December, when baby 2 was 6 months old. I have zero desire to have a third child, none at all. And we discussed extensively that even if, God forbid, something happened to one of our other children, we would not want to have another.
Also my husband is 44 and we both feel like he's too old to have any more children.
PSA: he had his vasectomy in Dec and just got around to going to his follow up last week (so, more than 3 months later) and his sample was still not clear. He has to get retested in a month. So be careful!!!
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Thanks everyone for being so candid. I really appreciate it. I know we are all on different paths but it was nice to be able to share where I’m at without judgement. This gives us a few talking points. I’ll be 35 soon and I really can’t see how there is any possibility I would change my mind.
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@Corduroy: good point- for me our friends are having their 3rds now and I haven’t had a smidge of baby fever. And after the first several months of non stop spotting with mirena, I love not getting a period.
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First of all, congrats on baby 2!
My youngest was 4 when DH had a vasectomy. We were sure we were done at 2 kids but I wasn’t ready to take any permanent measures until the youngest was 18 months. After, it took a long time for DH to come around to the idea of a vasectomy, and we also made a big move, so logistics were complicated for awhile. I had a copper IUD from 8ish weeks PP until about a month or two after the vasectomy.
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I didn't like the idea of an IUD and I'm 85% sure we're done but there are still what ifs that pop up randomly, and life can change a lot - I don't want to eliminate options. So, IUD for now.
DH will probably get a vasectomy between 36-38 and then Bc I don't want kids after that simply due to my age and the age gap btwn my kids. .
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@lamariniere: hello old friend! I think DH is a touch resistant. At this point I will have carried and birthed 2 children, your turn dude. I think 18 months sounds reasonable.
@DesertDreams88: DH is 36 and I’m 34. Something implanted gives me the creepies for some reason.
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@youboots: yeah my DH isn’t really happy about the idea of a vasectomy, but also, I grew and birthed two babies, not to mention took care of birth control for 20 years, soooo. And honestly I feel a little bit the same about the IUD. Like I love it for not getting pregnant or getting a period, but it’s weird. I was afraid to get one in between kids in case something went wrong. But now my reproductive parts just seem redundant so I care less.
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Vasectomy when baby #2 was 10 months old. Would have done it sooner, that was just when we got around to scheduling it.
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@youboots: I went from desperate for a third when my youngest was under 12mo to be absolutely done and dreading an oops. We’re probably ready to do something permanent, but sort of said we’d wait until I’m 35. So at this point if my husband made the appt for himself I’d be cool with that, I’ll start making sure it happens when I turn 35.
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DH got a vasectomy a few months after our second child was born. We were certain we were done, and we also know that if we really wanted to we could adopt or have a vasectomy reversal. But we are done. And almost 3 years later we haven’t had any regrets.
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@youboots: yeah I get it, I'm still weirded out and I'm 10 days in. While they were putting it in I was mentally freaking out (it wasn't painful, it was just weird mentally) and saying over and over "no more babies no more babies" out loud.... so yes it's weird! but 99% effective and easily removable.
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I’m a little on the fence so maybe this isn’t helpful, but I’ll respond anyway
We always said we wanted 2, and dh is still very firm on that. When I was pregnant w lo2 and then in her first year, I couldnt really fathom it being my last time pregnant or last babyhood... but now that she’s 2 I’m more and more content with our little family, I can’t really imagine taking on more/splitting my attention. And it’s nice to sleep again lol! It just feels more and more right to put the baby stage behind us. We haven’t taken permanent measures yet and I’m not sure when I will feel ready for that, though dh is on board...
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About 12 weeks after having #2 just due to timing/availability. We were 100% sure mainly because I had 2 preeclamptic pregnancies and it's just not worth risking my health further. DH was very hesitant at first just about having the procedure but it was really, really not bad when he had it done.
I didn't read every comment, but do you think your DH is more worried/hesitant about the procedure or more that he's not sure he's done (since it sounds like you're sure)?
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Not me, but a friend of mine was confident they were done at 2 and they scheduled a vasectomy for about 8-9 months after their 2nd was born. Their reasoning was that they wanted to be solidly comfortable with parenting 2 and out of the newborn stage before DH would be out of commission for a bit with recovery/surgery.
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Our 2nd and final child just turned 2 and DH brought this up bc one of his friends just found out they are having a 3rd oops baby like 8 yrs after they thought they were done bc her IUD failed.
I have an IUD and DH does not want to end up with an oops third.. and neither do I!!! So I guess we'll be discussing it more soon and see when DH can schedule it.
We are both done!! LOL. We were blessed with 2 and feel very happy. I am really old and we are comfortable financially with 2.
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I had a tubal during my 3rd c-section. We always wanted 3 kids and felt very strongly we are done at 3. My husband also got a vasectomy when our 3rd was 2 months old. We both decided to take permanent measures as we both felt like if our marriage failed or something tragic happened we wouldn’t want any more kids either with each other or a future partner.
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@youboots: thank you so much for your thoughtful response!!
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I had my tubes removed at my c-section for baby 2. I told my OBGYN I wanted it early in the pregnancy. I had a planned repeat CS.
I went into labor a month early and the whole process was rushed. She had to ask me again right before and I signed the paperwork in the OR.
ZERO regrets.
We also have to do IVF for pregnancy anyway, so even if we did change our mind (which we won’t) we could still do it that way. Don’t need tubes for IVF.
We always said we wanted 2, and dh is still very firm on that. When I was pregnant w lo2 and then in her first year, I couldnt really fathom it being my last time pregnant or last babyhood... but now that she’s 2 I’m more and more content with our little family, I can’t really imagine taking on more/splitting my attention. And it’s nice to sleep again lol! It just feels more and more right to put the baby stage behind us. We haven’t taken permanent measures yet and I’m not sure when I will feel ready for that, though dh is on board...
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