Hellobee Boards

I understand where she is coming from but to be honest the blogger's post annoys me.

I don't think the commenter came from a place of malice. It came from a place of hurt. And yes, her hurt is more legit than the blogger's complaint of being a working mom.

I don't know. I get plenty of woe is me moments. When I do I complain to other moms that will get where I am coming from. People who will lend a ear and support. I don't blog it for all the world to see.

And maybe because I have experienced tragic loss and the only way I get through it is by reminding myself there are others out there that has experienced 1,000x worse.

@locavore_mama: Agreed. I generally try not to publicly complain about things. I see people on my FB that are way worse off than me, even though I've been through some trauma this year.

But, I also am careful not to one-up anyone. People have their issues, and pregnancy and parenting isn't easy. I know I'll be complaining to myself soon about sleepless newborns and cranky toddlers. But, I'll just one up myself and remember where I have already been.

I agree with her point. I don't think that people who are "one-upping" others are doing it out of malice, but regardless, it invalidates the first person's feelings, and that's not ok. Everyone experiences pain that feels real to them, and whether or not someone else agrees that that is a painful thing, it's not for them to make a comment on it. Pain - physical and emotional - is subjective.

In general, when someone is complaining to me about something, I don't complain back about my own things.

On the other hand I agree with @blackbird: "Bitching about how you stubbed your toe to someone who lost their foot in an accident is just...dumb"

One-upping is not ok regardless of the topic:
- You did this one thing? I did this other thing that is totally better.
- Your kid just hit a milestone? Mine did a long time ago and is already talking.
- You're sad because your pet died? Well my mom just died.

I don't think the commenter was one-upping her, and I think the blogger took it out of context to write a ranty blog post.

Perspective is a good thing to have. I complain about first-world problems all the time. But when I realize I am fortunate enough to live in the first-world, my problems don't seem bad at all. The fact there is always someone worse off than you doesn't negate your feelings. It should just make you feel thankful for the good things you do have in your life.

ETA: ditto on knowing your audience

I understand where the blogger is coming from. I guess your blog is your own, to do with and say what you want. On my own blog, I've complained plenty about my own situation.

But I also understand where the commenter is coming from. When I see friends/family on FB complaining about their kids or pregnancy, I want to punch them in the face. (Sorry, but I'm just being honest.)

And then of course sometimes I feel guilty for complaining, because some have it much worse than I.

I don't think the commenter was wrong for making her comment. There's been many times I've wanted to "lash out" at "complainers" but it's usually in the heat of the moment, and to be honest, I just don't have the balls most of the time. Once in a while I'll say something, veiled in a joking manor.

It's true that there's always going to be someone worse off than you, so I think just keeping that in mind, at least for me, helps to keep things in perspective.

I"m not familiar with that blog, and I totally get what the blogger was saying, but I think the post was a bit self-righteous. Or maybe I just side a bit more with the commenter. I dunno, sticky situation.

I also think, after reflecting since reading this yesterday...that this is behavior women engage in a lot more readily then men. I don't know why this is, but it saddens me. Women do this to women more often in my experience.

Just more of the same judgemental stuff we women do to tear each other down. I really wish we could just say, "I can see you are having a hard day. I've also been having a tough time lately. Let's support each other and lean on each other when we need to".

Maybe that makes me a Pollyanna. =)

The commenter's loss might have been recent. I know when I lost S, I wanted to shake almost every single one of you, which is why I avoided HB for a while. It wasn't rational, and I knew/know that. But, the bitterness you have after a tragic loss sticks around for a few months, and you just want to punch anyone who complains that their baby isn't sleeping well or other problems that seem moot to a loss mama.

That doesn't make it right, though.

Sometimes it's good to help put things into perspective, but it seem that the way the loss mama on that blog commented, she acted like the blogger's blog offended her. Way to be a Debbie Downer. I avoid doing that as much as I can. I just know, now, that when I'm tired with LO in the middle of the night, that I'l remember the alternative and enjoy every minute of it that I can.

Although I don't care for her writing style I mostly agree with what she is saying!