What questions do you get about your adoption?
When someone finds out that Isaiah is adopted they almost always ask "What country is he from?".
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people always asked my mom that too - before they actually met my sister. my mom was like, uh, ours?
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@sorrycharlie: That's how I am. I usually say "this one".
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How much was he? Why did you adopt? How old was he?
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@Mrs. Train: How much was he???? Woah. How tactful!!! Making it sound like you bought a car or something!!!
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Ugh, ppl ask the weirdest things. I don't think I've actually asked any questions to someone who adopted a child, but I asked questions to someone who WAS adopted. I asked her if she minded first. I wanted to get her point of view as an adopted child (she's a grown up now) because DH and I will most likely adopt at some point and I wanted to hear it from the other point of view.
Do people ask you first if they can talk to you about it, or do they just start firing off questions?
One more thing, do you mind when people ask IF he's adopted?
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@Mrs. Train: WTF?! How much was he? No No No!
I find adoption really interesting. I wonder if you would mind sharing what kind of questions you WOULD like to be asked? It seems so taboo to ask anything, even when questions come from a genuine place.
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@shopaholic: I am also curious as to how parents who adopt would like people to approach the topic. We live in a very international community and I seem to have met a number of people who have adopted. I am genuinely curious but don't want to be offensive.
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@Mrs. Train: yes. I hear "how much was he?" too and "how old was he when you got him?".
@shopaholic: @lumariniere: these questions don't offend me. They're so common that it's almost normal for people to ask. I would say if you want to be super respectful, I agree with @theswisswifestyle: and ask if it's okay that you ask questions.
@theswisswifestyle: I don't mind when people ask me questions, but I'm open with my life and tell people more than they probably want to know anyway (hellooooo blogging). I don't think anyone has asked me first if they can ask, but depending on the person I don't purposely hold back info. Don't get me wrong though, the lady at the grocery store who says "oh, he's so sweet. He has your eyes!", I don't correct her. I accept her compliments and move on. There is no point in my opinion.
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@Mrs. Train: How much was he?? Ugh! So rude! I'm sorry.
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@PrincessBaby: @shopaholic: @bluestriped bee: how much was he is the one I usually have trouble answering. I usually just say I don't feel comfortable discussing finances but I could write down our agencies website if they are interested in adoption fees.
@TheSwissWifeStyle: people don't usually ask me first. I think especially when I am out with all four kids no one thinks he is adopted. It was a little more weird when he was an infant still and along came twin brothers. I got stopped all the time and I got all kinds of rude comments but for the most part people are just curious and I don't mind. I am not easily offended.
@shopaholic: I think sometimes just wording the question differently would help with tactfulness. If someone is curious about the adoption process and finances. Instead of "how much was he?" a more appropriate question would be "I am very curious about adoption but I just think its so expensive do you mind if I ask how much the process cost?" I don't mind "how old was he" that's a fair question not everyone brings their baby home from the hospital.
I think in general if people stated something like. "I am so curious about adoption and I a considering it for our family may I ask you some questions." I would be very open to answering any question they had.
Like @Mrs. Polish: said I also don't correct random strangers we meet when they say things like he has your eyes or all your kids look alike. I just say thanks and smile.
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I found this old post about this topic; I remember it because I couldn't believe the things people will say to adoptive moms! http://www.hellobee.com/2012/08/08/what-not-to-say/
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Yeah, thanks for finding the old post! I was going to suggest it.
I hate the most "she's so lucky!". No people, we are the lucky ones!
Lately I've been getting a lot of "when did you get her" as if we brought home a puppy or something.
And I still am really conflicted about "she looks so much like you, though" as if that somehow makes things different.
It's just a tough subject and it really is all about how people approach it. I can answer almost anything without getting offended if it's worded nicely... But as soon as people start throwing around phrases like "why did her real mom give her up?". Well then they are going to get a whole earful about what adoption is and isn't all about.
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@Mrs. Jacks:
"She's so lucky" BREAKS MY HEART. Every child deserves to have parents who *want* them and it is their right to be taken care of! We (parents) are the lucky ones, to be blessed with these little innocent, beautiful people who are so precious!
"She's so lucky" BREAKS MY HEART. Every child deserves to have parents who *want* them and it is their right to be taken care of! We (parents) are the lucky ones, to be blessed with these little innocent, beautiful people who are so precious!
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