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You should advocate for yourself and the other bridesmaid. Help your sister-in-law understand. Just because it's "their day" doesn't mean that they should drastically inconvenience some of the most important wedding guests, IMHO.

If someone asked me not to have my 4 week old at the wedding, I would just excuse myself from the bridal party. 🙄 I would insist for an on site sitter AT LEAST. (ETA: an on site sitter for a 4 month old. I don’t think I’d even be comfortable with that for my newborn)

I think it’s fine to request no kids at your wedding, but then don’t be offended if people say that can’t make that work 🤷‍♀️ Wedding party included.

This is tricky. The bride and groom have every right to say no kids at the wedding. It can open up a can of worms for other guests and sometimes you just have to make a blanket statement. I also would not bring the other bridesmaid into your discussions. She may feel ganged up on and that she’s losing her bridal party. Let the other woman make her own decisions.

But, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to tell her your needs. Either you need a babysitter on site, or you cannot be a bridesmaid. Don’t make it sound like an ultimatum. Try and come up with solutions together.

I EP’d until my son was 9 months, so take this with a grain of salt, but I’ve literally pumped in every location imaginable. Airports, cars, parties, etc. Is it ideal? No. But I did what I had to do. I think I would be slightly annoyed as the bride if you didn’t consider this option, especially since the baby will be plenty old that a bottle shouldn’t interfere with nursing. You could talk to the caterers/venue and see if you could use their fridge/sink. At least show her you want to TRY to make it work. If she’s not helpful in getting you in touch with these people, then maybe you’ll just have to back out. Or maybe she’ll be on board with the on-site babysitter after all!

@bees_knees: @bhbee: yep totally agree

My nephew was the only baby/kid at our small wedding 4 years ago, he was only 7 weeks old at the time! My brother and SIL flew from Texas to nyc and I was touched that they even came. I remember being kind of nervous he’d start crying during the vows and sure enough he did, but my sil discreetly ran out with him and it was fine. he was there for before/after that and it was super sweet, everyone was fawning over him—it’s a nice memory. The on site babysitter idea is so totally reasonable. Like pp’s said, anyone who wants to throw it down that kids are unwelcome has every right to do so—but so do you to bow out without feeling guilty.

Umm no.

One of my best friends had a 6 week old baby and was in my bridal party. A family friend (which happened to be my MOH's MIL) came to the wedding to hold and watch the baby through the ceremony and pictures (had to take a nursing break for the bridesmaids pictures). My friend traded off holding with the family friend though the reception, and my friend used the bridal suite to nurse in.

I took my son to a no kids wedding when he was about 4 months old. We asked the bride and she laughed and said non mobile babies don't count as kids, and was appalled that we thought she meant he couldn't come.

I would also tell my SIL in a lot of not nice terms what an idiot she's being and bad friend she's being to a friend with such a tiny baby. I'm not saying you should do that, but you should advocate for the bridesmaid. 🤷‍♀️

I would send your husband without you if it's going to be a problem. We had an onsite babysitter (relative of the children) at our wedding for a 3 month old and older siblings. We also attended a wedding out of town with a 4 month old and used a hotel room for nursing but otherwise he was present at the wedding. How would you even find a babysitter you trust so far from home?

@SteelerGirl: So glad it worked out! I am wondering, who took the initiative for this?

@SteelerGirl: That's great!!! So glad they were understanding and eager to help!