Yesterday, we went in for our first ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I had no bleeding/cramping at all, probably because it must have happened very recently. The baby measured 9 weeks (right where it was supposed to be), but after 3 ultrasounds we still saw no movement/heartbeat. The ultrasound tech said she could see fluid around the heart so there was likely something wrong there.

DH and I were absolutely crushed and we opted to have a D&C as soon as possible. I know my OB personally because her daughter was in my preschool class. I totally believe now that I was meant to switch practices/doctors (insurance reasons) because of how incredibly wonderful she has been. I had the D&C this morning and physically, I'm feeling okay. The pain meds are keeping things comfortable. The nurses/hospital staff were so amazing. They hugged me when I cried and let me know that there's no reason I can't have a healthy baby soon.

Emotionally, I'm devastated. I didn't let myself think too far ahead in this pregnancy because I knew the miscarriage risk. I wasn't totally shocked when they couldn't find the heartbeat because I've had an uneasy feeling all along. It definitely doesn't make it easier though.

I've talked to my close friends and they are wonderfully supportive. My best friend is supposed to have her baby any day now (her due date was yesterday), and while I can't even bear to look at facebook with all the recent babies being born lately, I don't feel that way about her at all. I'm still so excited to meet her baby and I think it will help me look to the future a little bit. Of course, my friend said the first thing she thought of when I told her was how she didn't want me to be upset/hurt because of her baby. I'm so blessed to have friends who can help me through this rough time.

I just wanted to let all my HB friends know that I may be missing for awhile, but I'm doing okay. I know that a lot of you have gone through something similar and now you have beautiful, healthy babies. It definitely gives me hope. After my first period, we'll be trying again, so I'll definitely be back. I feel so lucky to be part of such a great, supportive community.