We originally wanted 2 under 2, but then I got a great job opportunity back in my hometown so we moved and put TTC on the back burner. We started TTC in September/October and got a BFP in March that would've been a December baby and a 31 ish month gap. That was a miscarriage and now at best we'll have a 3 year gap.
Help me see the positives in a 3-4 year gap because I'm feeling really down that our plans went so far off course...
pineapple / 12566 posts
Mine are almost exactly 3 years apart. I initially wanted a 2-2.5 year gap, but the 3 year gap has worked out really well for us. My older LO was pretty independent, very verbal, potty trained and much less needy than he would have been at 2. He was also in full time daycare, so when LO2 came along, his day to day stayed about the same. The adjustment period lasted about 3 weeks, but he has been an incredibly loving and sweet big brother. I'm glad the gap worked out like it did. I'm not the most patient parent and I can't even imagine how stressed I would have been with 2 very young LOs.
squash / 13764 posts
Ours will be exactly 3 yrs apart. Pros are LO is potty trained, very verbal, and really gets the idea of a new sibling. He will also be in school 4 afternoons a week which will help give structure. I also get more time with him as my only baby which is nice. I won't have to buy another crib, or a double stroller interns of gear.
pineapple / 12053 posts
i'm still pregnant with #2, but i'm going to have a 2y9m age gap and i'm thrilled. i actually would have preferred a little closer to 3 years even as every day DD1 is learning more and more, getting more independent and helpful. she's in preschool 2 times a week learning a ton and she loves it. this will give me time with the new baby once she arrives and recharge me to hang with both kiddos when i have them. she can put her own shoes on, climb into her car seat, sleeps in a big girl bed, is potty trained, etc, so there will hopefully less transitions that seem huge once DD2 comes along.
pomegranate / 3516 posts
LO1 will be 3 years, 3 months when LO2 gets here. Everyone tells me her level of understanding and communication will be better than it would have been a year earlier. Also, she'll be potty trained and in preschool three days a week, both of which are pros to me. She's also becoming so independent which is definitely helping when I'm tired or my back hurts while pregnant and should help when I need to nurse or hold the baby.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
My LOs are going to be exactly 3 years apart and I'm thrilled. Older LO is so excited about baby brother on the way, and by the time he gets here, she'll be potty trained and relatively independent and willing to help with the baby, which is great. It will also save me money in a number of different ways (never having two in diapers, not having to buy a second crib because LO1 will be in a big girl bed, fewer years of overlapping daycare bills, fewer years of overlapping college tuition, etc).
My brother and I were also almost exactly three years apart (our birthdays are two days apart) and it was a great age gap. Close enough to have a lot in common, share friend groups, and reach milestones are similar times once we were older, but far enough apart to be less competitive with each other, and not stress my mom out by having two really quickly.
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
Mine will be 3 years and almost 4 months apart, and I'm stoked. E is almost potty-trained now (just working on night-training), he's verbal, pretty independent and I think he'll be able to help #2 gets here.
Plus, daycare costs won't overlap for too long 
It would have been nice to get the baby parts over with faster, but I think I've really gotten to enjoy E alone and get the hang of parenting, and I'm excited for this age gap.
(Of course the reality might be very different--we'll see!)
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
3 year gap was perfect for us although we had wanted closer to a 2 year gap.
Didn't have to rush her through potty training.
She went through a lot of those big 2 yr milestones without the disruption of a sibling.
She was excited about the baby and remembers him being born (she doesn't remember much from being early 2).
We had a bit of time of good sleep.
She understood why mommy couldn't help her sometimes and could go on her own to find dad for help.
Only about 18 months of really bad double daycare.
She's still young enough to want to play with baby toys and read baby books etc.
grapefruit / 4110 posts
Mine are two days shy of being exactly 4 years apart. I thought I wanted 3 apart but it wasn't possible. I am loving the gap right now because my son can be negotiated with. Also he can entertain himself as needed. He also absolutely adores his new baby and I can leave him "in charge". For example this morning I had baby in bed nursing. He woke up a touch as I was getting out to pee. I asked him to watch her. I come back to him cuddling her. It was adorable.
Downsides I see are that they will only be in the same school for 2 years. Then I am destined to two different drop offs. He has a lot of big boy toys that we will have to be more cautious of.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
So far an almost 3.5 is great. The older one is really self-sufficient, which is super helpful. And he likes to help with his baby, too. I get sad sometimes that they aren't closer in age, but I also couldn't imagine living through the terrible twos we had with a newborn.
nectarine / 2591 posts
@sslm: When we first found out about our loss this was one of the things that effected me the most. So much worry about choosing the right gap and then it didn't matter anyway. Now I am actually looking forward to a bigger gap. We're in the same boat so if you need to talk feel free to wall me. 
apricot / 425 posts
Mine are 4.5 years apart and so far (8 weeks in) it has been great! My oldest is 4 and a half and loves her baby brother. She is so helpful and we feel that we got to really spend a lot of time focused on her and her major milestones before adding to our family. Now we can spend a ton of time with our newborn son while our daughter "helps" but is also more independent and excited about the special things she has going on, like gymnastics and learning to read. We planned a larger age gap so we could really enjoy each age/stage for each child. We love it.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Hugs! We too had to put off ttc for a move (that didn't even happen) and then it took a longer than expected time to conceive (10 months actively ttc, several more ntnp..) so we are now at a just over 3 year gap. Lo isn't here yet but here are some things were looking forward to...
Hoping for some diaper free time in between kids
Got to start doing some more interactive things with lo1. Yes 1 year olds are interactive but it's just different the older they get, plus she can go all day without a nap and without falling apart halfway through the day
Lo1 understands more about babies. Since she doesn't like loud noises (crying!) being able to communicate about the baby with her will be something we will appreciate.
Switched lo1 to a regular bed, got rid of pacifiers, and was able to not rush that at all in preparing for a new baby. We did it on her time and now we can still reuse the crib, etc.
Lo1 will be able to grab me stuff and help with smaller stuff like cleaning up toys
We feel more experienced as parents and better able to take things in stride. In addition to the short lived move and "issues" ttc we have dealt with me getting a non-chronic but pretty crappy illness. We're a stronger team now.
DH has saved up enough hours at work that he can take months off when lo2 comes. I'm due in October and were planning a trip for xmas provided lo2 is not colicky. This is a rare opportunity with DH's job.
I got some additional training/education so I'm set up to work again after this baby, something I'm looking forward to after years mostly as a SAHM.
We originally wanted to get through the baby stuff but now we're more looking forward to it and glad it's not over like it would be if we had rushed through it.
We don't need a gigantic double stroller.
Dd isn't in daycare or preschool but she can do on her own classes rather than parent and me so this will be easier with two.
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