Hellobee Boards

Following along as my almost 5 year old DS is testing limits big time lately. It has gotten worse in the last 2 weeks so I'm sure the current home situation is not helping. My DS will attempt to do something he knows is wrong right in front of us and it is clear he is watching for our reaction. I am tired of all the time outs and taking things away from him. We keep trying to praise his good behavior and focus on the positive to encourage him but I don't know if it is enough.

How about a safe space to say the words? "If you need to use those words you may do so outside by the swing. When you have finished, taken a deep breath, and are ready to be kind to yourself and other people, you may come back."

I wonder if this is coming from a place of attention seeking. I've noticed my daughter really tests limits when I'm not giving her enough solo attention. This is crazy hard right now with the pandemic, but is it possible to spend some 1:1 time without any work or other distraction to see if it helps?

I would say that she is doing a good job if she is recognizing that she isn't supposed to be saying or doing these things, and then she is stopping herself. She probably is obsessed with saying the words--they're "bad words" after all. That she's telling you seems to me like a good thing: she wants you to know that she thought of using the bad word, but that she stopped herself. She's moved on from saying them all the time, and possibly saying them to get a reaction from you, to understanding that even though she wants to say them she needs to think of a different way to express her feelings--just like us! I'm guessing this probably has to do at least somewhat with being shut in for weeks on end. My 6.5 year has absolutely said that she hates Coronavirus and that it's stupid and dumb, and I've basically said, "Yeah, me too" and then we talk about why it sucks, how things will start looking better eventually, and what we can do in the meanwhile. She knows the words are bad and like your daughter she catches herself when she's about to say them usually. One thing to consider is if she is apt to use the words outside your home. I know my daughter won't use them in public, school, or at a family member's house so I'm not that concerned (still doesn't mean she gets free reign to use them at home).

As for the behaviors she has been asked not to do, but that she does anyway, what types of behaviors are they? Are they really bad, or indicative of another need? Does she have an alternative to those behaviors (for the ones an alternative might make sense for)? Again, I think it's impressive she tells you she thought about doing it and then didn't.