A year ago today i was alone in the Dr. office when she told me my baby did not have a heart beat....broken hearted is an understatement. i thought for a second it might be a trick the universe was pulling on me. unfortunatley it was all to real.

looking back in the last year, i went through so many emotions. there were many many dark days, were i hated myself and those around me for not understanding or simply for letting me greive the loss of my baby. I dont think i can ever say that i wish i hadnt, because those emotions helped me "accept" my reality. hearing of others getting pregnant was like a stab in the heart. but i have come to understand that their journey was/is not my journey and i dont know of what, if any, struggles they may have gone throught to get to where they are....but it was a constant battle with my emotions for sure.

there is no right and no wrong in this situation, everyone reacts so differently....and it is ok.

there isnt a day i dont think of what could have been, and where we should be. but i also know now that have to cherish every moment because you dont know when something or someone you love can simply slip away from you.

I am almost 21 weeks along now, and there is not a day that goes by that i dont have a slight panic of sorts. The fear never really does go away, and i am begining to believe it wont until he is born. it is because of his brother or sister that i lost last year that makes this pregnancy so much more different.

thank you to ALL the Bee's that helped me during those dark days, and thank you again for calming my fears this time around. I owe you all so much....

to my angel...

i love you more than words could ever express, i know that we will meet one day and that you are watching over your dad and i and your baby brother. I wish that you were here celebrating with us. but i know that you are celebrating and cheering us on from heaven with your grandpa. i love you baby...and you are so missed.

until we meet again my angel...

xoxo...