My DH's 30th birthday is exactly one month after my EDD. I know he'd love a surprise party, but I'm not sure if it's feasible. Let's assume I go to 42 weeks, and give birth 2 weeks before his birthday. Would you have felt well enough to give a party a few weeks after having a baby?
I'd host it at a restaurant - so wouldn't have to cook or get my house ready, but I'm not sure what I'd "do" with a 2 or 3 week old baby that I'm breast feeding.
Thoughts?
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
100% no way jose. If you want to do it, plan it now and delegate all of the day of stuff to someone else.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I couldn't have, I wasn't really feeling up to anything until around 6 weeks PP.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I threw dh a party when lo was 3 months and even that was tough.... but if you do it I have some suggestions.
-ask for lots of help! Do you have people that you can assign tasks to?
-do as much as you can before your lo gets here.
-I would try to have it at home and bring in food. That's what I did, that way I could put my lo down for the night with no worries. Also.... your lo will still be so small and wont have shots yet you might not want to go into public places yet.
nectarine / 2039 posts
I couldn't have thrown a party, but I definitely could have shown up to a party. I'd be tired but happy to see everyone. When LO was that young, I just kept him in a sling and I could go anywhere. I figured out how to nurse him in there too, so it was all pretty portable. But then again, every birth is so different....you might not feel up to it...you'll never know until you're there, so don't count on it.
I would say get someone else to be in charge of the party.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
No way... It was enough with a new LO. You are lucky to have free time to fold and put away a load of laundry.
Now, if the party did not require any work. Literally reserving the restaurant and showing up, that may be a different story.
kiwi / 515 posts
I was in the same boat, and contemplated the same thing(it was dh's 30th as well!) I ended up just having a little dinner for him 3 weeks before my EDD that was pretty low key. I'm glad that I did bc LO was born exactly 1 week before his bday and I would have never been able to pull it off! Is there any chance that you could have it earlier? It would still be a surprise!
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
Oh crap, you just made me realize that DH's 30th is 2-3 weeks after my due date. I don't think he'll want a party, but I could see trying to do dinner and having my MIL do things like pick up the cake. I know she wouldn't mind. If all you have to do is reserve everything is advance and show up to the restaurant and hand over your credit card, it could be feasible. Especially if you just sort of sit and do nothing, don't feel like you have to entertain!
Catering it in house is a great idea! And hire someone to come clean the house for you 
coconut / 8498 posts
Probably not. You never know how those first few weeks are going to be. I certainly felt well enough at 2-3 weeks, but LO was eating every 1.5 hours at that point. It made it very hard to do...well, anything. We threw a huge baby shower for some friends at our house when LO was 10 or 12 weeks old, and if it weren't for a couple of really great friends that helped, the whole thing would have been a bust.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
Could you do the party a month before his birthday instead? I'd still do it out somewhere so you don't have to do too much in terms of cooking, setting up, etc, but I think it would be a lot easier to do 38 weeks pregnant (as long as you don't go early!) than with a 2-4 week old. Plus then it really WOULD be a surprise.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I haven't given birth yet, but my best friend came to my bridal shower three days after giving birth. I think she might've shown up on her way home from being discharged! she just brought her baby with her!
So... if you won't have to do any work AFTER you give birth and can set up the whole thing prior to birth, and you just need to show up, I think it's possible to be doable. But if there's any last minute details you'll have to figure out or anything, I'd probably suggest not doing it.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I probably wouldn't do it. My pediatrician suggests not having the baby out in public until around 6 weeks. And especially with us being due during cold and flu season you probably don't want baby around a bunch of people when he or she is still so little.
persimmon / 1361 posts
My LO is six weeks now so it's all very fresh. I think it would have been really difficult! Especially of you are BF because you really feel like it is constant and even running errands seems so difficult. I can't imagine hosting a party! And your sleeping is so unpredictable! In short, I think it could be done but would be pretty stressful!
squash / 13199 posts
No no no. aside from the fact that i was even healed before 6 weeks, the first few weeks are all about survival. I was not in any shape to go to a party let alone host one, with sleep deprivation and the baby being so unpredictable, you really wouldnt feel up to it
In addition I wouldnt want to expose my baby to so many people until after the first round of shots around the 6 to 8 week mark
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
I would attend a party, but not host/organize. The first month is a train wreck, even if you're doing ok, you are still exhausted, and hormonal and stressed. It totally gets better, but in the early days, I considered it a big win if I got laundry done and the floor swept.
pineapple / 12053 posts
i wouldn't do it and i haven't even had LO yet. i can't imagine trying to do all that not knowing how recovery would be. i would rather have someone else organize and then maybe show up. but i also think DH would understand.
pear / 1837 posts
Nope. At 2 weeks, breastfeeding was still pretty hard for us, and I wasn't really able to do it discreetly, plus LO had really unpredictable cluster feeds, so chances were I'd have spent the entire party hidden somewhere trying to feed LO and getting more frustrated. Plus, nothing fit right, it was hard to get in a shower and make myself look presentable in a reasonable time frame, and I really didn't like being scheduled since so many things could come up... I'd have been uncomfortable about a plan that required me to be somewhere on time.
Plus, my crotch still hurt at 2 weeks pp and I was still wearing ginormous pads.
I wouldn't have minded saying to a few friends, "hey it's DH's birthday on X date, can you keep it open and we'll try to throw something together, but all plans are tentative"? and then see how you feel? Our friends are pretty cool about that kind of stuff... we could've just invited a few couples over for pizza at the last minute and that would've been fun adn fine for everything, but something with real firm plans would have really stressed me out.
kiwi / 678 posts
My husband's 30th birthday was 3.5 weeks after my youngest was born. We had a party at our house that weekend. The baby was four weeks old. We had our friends who have kids go to the beach with us in the morning. Our older daughter (nearly 3) and our friends' kids (around the same age) played on the beach and went swimming. (I was not swimming since I was still bleeding and was NOT ready for a swimsuit yet. I just played with the baby and nursed her when necessary.)
Then we went back to our house and had pizza. After that, our friends without kids came over. There were maybe 25 people? My husband grilled for everyone at dinner and we asked people to bring sides and we all just hung around for the rest of the day. I went up to our bedroom to nurse when necessary. It was really fun and a great opportunity for all of our friends to meet the baby and celebrate my husband's big three oh.
However, we had some bonuses:
-baby was born in summer, so that made it easier to let everyone wander around and have a BBQ and it wasn't flu season so we didn't have to worry about people being sick around our unvaccinated baby
-it was our second baby so I knew how to nurse and deal with a newborn already
-she is the most laid back baby in the world. There is no way we could have done that with our older daughter when she was a newborn. She would have cried the whole time and I would have been a mess.
-our friends are fine with last minute arrangements. We didn't know how we'd feel, so we didn't even throw together the party until the week it happened.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
@pastemoo: agreed - IF you do it, have someone else actually handle the day.
I went a week early, so DS was 4 weeks old on DH's birthday and we didn't do anything special. We went to dinner with sister, BIL and nephew and that was good enough for him. We bought him a REALLY nice present though!
I wouldn't have had the energy or time to plan/prepare/host a party.
However IF you do - your LO will be prime age because the baby will still be sleeping all the time! When I did go out to dinner, DS was in the moby the whole time and didn't make a peep. It was awesome.
grapefruit / 4703 posts
@Mrs. Tricycle: @Foodnerd81: haha this was going to be my suggestion too - you'd really catch him off guard that way!
coconut / 8475 posts
OK don't laugh because i'm still pregnant yet I think I am reason to answer this question? Take my answer with a grain of salt.
The way I see it, you won't be cooking or cleaning so 90% of the workload is off of you. The remaining workload is packing up baby and taking him or her.
For me (if this way me), I'd get his stroller and car seat and stick him in it all night (not letting people get too close because of germs) and i'd hope he slept! Then you can excuse yourself to nurse in the car or, if you are comfortable enough, right there with a nursing cover.
The only thing is....I hope you would be physically able to be social....meaning: you don't want to be too sore sitting in those hard, wooden restaurant chairs especially if you still have stitches at that point.
grapefruit / 4817 posts
Ha, no way. I was just surviving for a good 3-4 weeks. I still cried every day until DS was 5 weeks old. I was not much fun to be around and would not have been able to function with that many people. Even when people dropped off food for the first 2 weeks, I hid half the time because I just couldn't be around people. But I had the baby blues pretty badly, and I know some ladies who were fine 2 weeks after. I don't think there's any way to tell.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
Does he have a male best friend? You could give him money and instructions, and ask him to throw a surprise birthday party at your house!
pear / 1723 posts
The first month after my kids were born, I was still in pretty rough shape. I did go out a few times with and without them, but I was exhausted and ready to come home after about an hour. I was ok with visitors at home, but even groups of people at my house could be a little overwhelming depending on the day.
If you do go forward with the party, here's my advice:
-take a nap before you go out
-drink tons of water (i got dehydrated easily)
-dress in layers (i still had hot flashes for a few weeks)
-bring an extra top (in case you leak or get spit up on)
-arrange for a backup ride home in case you and/or baby need to go home early
Definitely find a way to celebrate regardless of how!
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
Thanks for all the input -- you've given me lots to think about! Here's a couple things I did decide:
* I'll give DH an invitation to his party ahead of time so he can help plan. It won't be a surprise, but that will make my life easier.
* Our community association rents out a great party space. It's .25 miles from our house, so when we get miserable, we'll just go home. I don't feel any need to play hostess once the party gets started.
* I'm enlisting my Mom and/or MIL to stay with the baby at the house, if need be. Otherwise, I'll wear the baby and keep everyone at arm's length.
*I'll have the whole thing catered. FIL will be responsible for picking up and delivering food and beverage.
*I'll get the invites out, the food ordered, everything planned before the baby shows up.
* I'm not decorating the space. This includes table clothes, cute signs, photo albums, etc. None of that. Food and liquor are all anyone gets.
I guess I'll just cross my fingers and hope I can survive the day. Family and friends can pick up the slack.
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