We are hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and my parents, DH's parents, and DH's brother and his family will be there. They (luckily?) all have similar political views, which are very unfortunately the opposite of DH's and mine. I am SURE that the majority of the talk will be taken over by the Syrian refugee crisis, the presidential candidates, etc....and I am REALLY dreading it. Any suggestions for handling this? Other than lots and lots of wine 
I'm nursing so I"ll have to limit it to some extent...!
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ETA: In all seriousness, I have no clue. DH and I have opposite political views from the people we'll be dining with as well. I will probably just get up from the table and walk away. There's no changing their minds so I'd rather just avoid talking about it altogether.
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I'm pretty good at ignoring it! I honestly don't feel the need to debate when people aren't going to change anyway. Have some wine. Haha.
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Clean the dishes or start serving dessert and coffee. I generally avoid the political discussions because my husband has different views than my family politically. I've seriously left the room when it gets all too political and divisive.
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Make a joke about that you're all only having dinner together today (thanksgiving day) because the native americans accepted in the extremely religious (and differently religious) foreigners coming to start new lives in a new land.
haha j/k drink and ignore. I'll also get up and go make tea/coffee/clean up to get out of the way.
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I have no idea. I suck at this.
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Maybe a statement like, "Lets just be thankful for the wonderful things we do have and the freedom we can enjoy today. What is everyone thankful for today?"
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I change the subject, usually to some book I just read or a movie I want to see.
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We have opposite views from my entire side if the family and every single time we are around them they bash people with our views. We just stay silent and try not to take it personally.
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I just get into arguments with people and then roll my eyes at them, so maybe don't do what I do?
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@lawbee11: ha I s aw that and sent it to DH.
@cascademom: I am pretty sure it will be alll night long--can't serve coffee and dessert before we eat dinner! I also feel like I can't leave the room since it's my house...? Maybe many trips to the bathroom for DH and I!
@T.H.O.U.: good idea! My dad is notorious for being unable to get off a topic that he is enjoying talking about unfortunately so not sure this will sway him...
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Several in my family are super political. I work with media and prefer to keep my views rather personal.
I simply don't engage. If they want to talk among themselves. Fine. But if I want to talk about something different, I bring it up. Or if I'm able I leave the room to do something else.
It might be harder if you've previously engaged with them and they expect a battle though.
Could you have a list of things to break the tension if that's all they are talking about?
Ask what people are thankful for, what they're looking forward to over the holidays, etc.
Or some of the random stuff we poll about on here - their favorite thanksgiving food, tradition, memory, etc.
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@Adira: ha we generally do that as well, or at least try to debate but it never ends well. And this will be a long afternoon/evening so don't want to make it uncomfortable.
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I worry about this too! We will be at the ILs with SILs new BF and his parents. Some of the things they repost on Facebook make me cringe. I just hope and pray they don't bring up anything political. I will ask DH to get the thankful conversation started. Last year we went around the table and each said something we were thankful for. My niece LOVED this and wanted extra turns. And she even asked us all to tell something we were thankful for at Christmas dinner too.
IF all else fails I'm sure LO (18 months) will provide a convenient excuse to leave the table or conversation. They aren't the types to linger long at the table anyway.
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Could you just cut it off at the pass and suggest a ban on political talk at the table? Or if it comes up, say, "hey, how about that football game?" or some other clear subject change really loudly and hope people get the hint?
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I'm sure this will happen at thanksgiving dinner as well. I just walk away. It's easier when it's my family because we all have the same political view.
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I was totally thinking of writing a post like this! We are spending the next week with family members and one of them has completely opposing views from the rest of us. I wouldn't mind so much since everyone is allowed their viewpoint, but this person just spews ignorance and unsubstantiated drivel that I have a hard time ignoring. Especially when they cite information that is factually incorrect. I have a REALLY hard time biting me tongue, but I need to just ignore it. We aren't going to change each other's minds.
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@MrsSCB: we tried this at LO's birthday party a few weeks ago. I flat out said "NO more political talk, my house my rules. I don't want to hear it." And my dad just couldn't shut up. And it made it super awkward when I kept saying that.
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I would just shut it down at the first mention of anything political. "We are so happy to host you all in our home to celebrate Thanksgiving and we would like to focus on the things we are thankful for and avoid discussing politics/religion/etc. We know you all will have no trouble respecting that"
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@lamariniere: YEP. I wish I could just zap them every time they say something untrue--or true by Fox news standards.
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Just tend to LO? Change a diaper?
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@hilsy85: I can't even go down the Fox News rabbit hole! My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it!
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@hilsy85: Ugh that is so frustrating! And your "zap" comment made me lol. Some kind of shock collar-like device hidden in the napkins?
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I think this is a good reflective piece on our own behavior.
http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development/the-art-of-letting-go-be-right-or-be-kind/
I don't think there's any reason to avoid topics where there's conflicting opinions. but like any mommy topic, there needs to be some level of mutual respect and knowing when to say for now we'll agree to disagree. opinions don't always change from a short conversation, though I think conversation is extremely important to initiate change. Also educate yourself on US policy, I have several people close who directly work with resettling refugees and yet Ive learned so much in the past week about what NGOs are involved, what's the diff between refugee and immigrant, who pays and qualifies for what, and what are the consequences of alternatives. If people haven't spent hours researching the topic and just go by sound bites on liberal or conservative news, there's going to be a lot of gaps that need filled. -
@hilsy85: what about calling your dad ahead of time to make the rule clear. I would go so far as to tell him you'll have to cut dinner short if he can't get on board.
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@hilsy85: Put your dad in time out? Give him choices? Threaten to take away screen time?
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@Maysprout: well that's the thing--my dad specficially is not respectful when he talks about this stuff--it's his opinion, or you're just wrong, and he talks about everything as if he is an expert. It is super frustrating and obviously not conducive to an actual interesting debate or discussion. @Truth Bombs: oh that's way too confrontational for me, lol. And would probably hurt his feelings and make him angry, which would just cause another shitstorm! We don't have a super close relationship where I can be super open/honest with him, you know?
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@lawbee11: ha! NO dessert if he doesn't shut up!
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@Maysprout: I totally agree about being informed of policy. We can't all be experts, but having a basic understanding goes a long way, especially in the current context.
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We have the same views as family and I'm worried about this! My BIL and his wife are in politics/campaigning and I'm dreading it going. On and on even though we have the same views
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Can you talk to your mom about how you want the holiday to be a positive one and you'd rather not focus on politics and see if she can help you by trying to guide him toward different conversations? Or another family member?
Focus on what you DO want and not so much on what you don't want. If you present it negatively, people will get defensive.
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We deal with this somewhat (my dad and brother are super vocal about their politics, which are 100% opposite of what DH and I believe). The best tactics that I have are to either walk away or change the subject to something neutral. I used to try to have conversations with them but they would always end up accusing me of getting "too emotional" or being "too sensitive", which made me even more irritated than I already was. Luckily, we tend to have Thanksgiving with extended family so as soon as the politics start, I leave and tell them I want to catch up with an aunt or cousin across the room.
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@hilsy85: with people like that I try and ask questions to, put in a few counterpoints but for the most part let them rant. Then say I understand this point, but heres what got me thinking a bit different. Then let them have the last word and say on that note let's give thanks to what's good right now, and lead off with something you value about your parents. Or if that parts too emotional just change the subject but at least you let them rant for a bit and didn't let it go unchallenged but put a decisive end to it.
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@MaryM: unfortunately, my family is very passive aggressive so I'm sure my mom would take that as an attack. And part of the problem is my dad doesn't think there's anything wrong with his behavior, so he doesnt think there's any reason for him to change how he speaks. If it were just my parents, I think we could arrange to keep the convo more pleasant, but with the other people of the same mind I"m afraid there is just too much momentum! I don't think I can get the convo to change much, just looking for ways I can deal with it!
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This is my life pretty much every day since I live in an extremely conservative area and hold opposite views of 90% of the people in my life. I don't engage and have learned to ignore the crazy because people who love to spout their opinions are highly unlikely to change or even discuss an opposing view in a respectful way. I honestly feel a bit sorry for them. It must suck to be so scared of everyone who doesn't look or behave exactly like you do.
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@catlady: YUP. Same accusations my way from them.
@Maysprout: yeah I think maybe letting them get it out and then just changing the topic might work so they don't feel like I'm trying to shut them up.
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@hilsy85: I had to start repeating "just because we don't agree doesn't mean I'm wrong" to my dad. We don't disagree politically, but about lots of other things. That actually made him realize he was dismissing my thoughts as invalid. I'm not sure I suggest it given what you've said about him so far...
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Oh man - I feel your pain. I am can usually ignore things or redirect the discussion until conversation heads into ridiculous/ ignorant territory (i.e. from the last election cycle - Obama is Muslim/ supports domestic terrorism/won't produce a birth certificate, etc...) at which point I cannot contain myself. With my in laws, I manage to be polite about it, but the gloves totally come off with my father. It's made for many an uncomfortable holiday.
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@Jess1483: ha I can try...his favorite comeback is just to repeat, "Okay, yo'ull see, you'll see! Just you wait." Super condescending!
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@Madison43: ha those are typical arguments that they would make! so infuriating. They actually believe he is a socialist and destroying the country singlehandedly.
IF all else fails I'm sure LO (18 months) will provide a convenient excuse to leave the table or conversation. They aren't the types to linger long at the table anyway.
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