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Following! I've been struggling with this lately too with my 4 year old. DH always tells him not to cry and I have been trying to correct him to say not to whine and try to explain the difference between whining and crying. I also worry about sending the message that boys shouldn't cry. It's also ironic to me that DH says that to them because he's a much bigger crier than I am, haha.

DD's whine-cry voice is so frustrating to me. We try really hard not to say "stop crying" or "don't cry" unless it is clearly her fake cry. The fake cry is super obvious though, so I don't feel bad saying it then. We will tell her it's hard to understand her when she is whining and that we will be happy to listen and talk when we can understand her. We also give her the choice to go calm down alone.

"I can't understand you when you talk like that."

Like other users, I tell both my kids (boy & girl) they need to re-say the sentence without whining. I also model how the request should be said.

I think if it is just whining and no crying I do the "I can't understand you when you talk like that" or "I can't help you when you are whining" but if there are tears involved, even if they are fake I usually respond by saying, "I can see that you are upset, I'm going to let you calm down a bit before we talk more. When you are ready to ask politely/tell me what's bothering you/tell me what you need let me know. And then I just let it play out and wait for the tantrum/whining to stop. Sometimes it takes a while But it has gotten a lot better over time.

@Jennibenni: Acknowledge his feelings and tell him to use his words if he's crying and not talking....

Also, offer choices maybe? Do you want A or B and leave it at that...

I also tell my two year old I cannot understand him if he's wailing and crying and it's best to calm down so I can understand.

Good luck