I'm exhausted just about thinking to responding to many of the threads today (even though I started one of them). Let's take a break.
I'm not sure how my favorite joke of all time will come across on the internet, but I'll give it a shot.
A man walked into a bar....
....ouch.
pomelo / 5129 posts
My father's favorite joke.
How'd the mathematician work out his constipation?
with a pencil.
pomegranate / 3895 posts
Going with the picture theme... I'm a huge golden retriever lover / nerd so I have two:
(I'm also a financial planner so the bottom one is a double whammy)
cantaloupe / 6692 posts
@MaryM: OMG. Haha!
That reminds me of my dad's favorite joke. We still laugh about it.
Two men were traveling across the country when they come across a sign that says "San Jose" 2 miles. One man says to the other, "Look! We're almost to San Joe-see! Let's stop for fuel."
They stop at a gas station and one of the men asks the clerk, "So how do you like living in San Joe-see?" The clerk laughs and says "No you pronounce it as Hoe-say. The J makes an H sound."
"Oh I see!" The men say.
The clerk then asks them, "So how long are you staying for?"
The men answer, "To about Hune or Huly."
My friends are having a baby and I asked my husband one day when their due date was because I had forgotten. He said "I think it's in June or July" and I lost it. Hahahaha
grapefruit / 4120 posts
I got this from a random reddit thread and I've told it already. So bad.
2 whales walk into a bar.
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk
grapefruit / 4120 posts
There are quite a few gems here.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1gzdl1/whats_a_joke_thats_so_stupid_its_funny/
One of my job responsibilities (for real) involves coming up with a different clean joke every single day.
cantaloupe / 6692 posts
@mamimami: I loved this one. Hahaha
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 is a registered 6 offender
nectarine / 2932 posts
My husband and I love women jokes - just cause they're usually so awful. (I promise we don't subscribe to this way of thinking)
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
grapefruit / 4120 posts
@Danizaur: hahahaha I know, so many of these I wanted to use but they were just a little too edgy for a school environment 
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@Danizaur: didn't know before, but now I do...I like chicken jokes!
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Here's a crass joke that my bro taught me.
what's the difference between acne and a priest?
acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 13.
pomelo / 5129 posts
@Danizaur: Your dad sounds like he has a similar sense of humor to mine.
DH met dad for the first time at a baseball game and offered to get him a hotdog. He asked dad what he'd like on it. Dad said "I'd relish a hot dog!"
DH said, "but what do you want on it?"
Dad said "I'd relish a hot dog!"
DH walked away. It was opening day, so it took like an hour to get the hotdog. Dad thought DH didn't like him because he didn't laugh at his joke. I make that joke to him constantly now.
He also didn't think it was funny when I said it was a good think our aunt was having stomach surgery at the military hospital (the Naval Hospital) because they specialize in belly buttons (even his aunt having surgery loved that one!).
pineapple / 12802 posts
The only joke that comes to my mind right now is the one from boondock saints and I really don't think it's appropriate. We just watched it recently, so that's probably why... HAH.
Most of the jokes I know are terribly inappropriate.
nectarine / 2053 posts
umm this is something from my favorite show that always makes me laugh 
persimmon / 1328 posts
Haha, love these!
My favorite jokes ever:
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running away from some cops. To hide, the brunette climbs a tree, the redhead goes into a dog house, and the blonde jumps into a potato sack. When the cops go by the tree, they hear "Meow...meow," so the cops move on. When they get to the dog house they hear "Woof....woof," and the cops move on. When the reach the potato sack they hear "Pooootaaaatooooooooo!"
Also, what do you say when you see a cow kissing a chicken? Brown chicken brown cow!
pomelo / 5000 posts
@sunny: I can't believe you told the only joke I've ever been able to commit to memory! I love it.
@BakerBee: love the tennis ball joke, only it's frisbees in this household.
watermelon / 14206 posts
A blonde policewoman pulled over a blonde speeder one day on the highway. Coming to the car she said, "Let me see your driver's license, please."
The blonde in the car said, "Driver's license? What's that?"
Sighing, the policewoman said, "It's that thing in your purse with your face on it."
Rummaging through her purse, the blonde speeder pulled out her compact, opened it up and handed it to the blonde officer.
Then the blonde policewoman said, "Oh, why didn't you say you were on the police force? You can go."
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
My favorite joke is really dirty, so if you're easily offended you might want to skip on by 
Why did the walrus go to a tupperware party?
He was looking for a tight seal!
nectarine / 2031 posts
Why did the cactus cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken
Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggy
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
Okay, so this is awful...but I saw it the other day, and it made me snort.
Please don't judge. Just laugh
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
Or...
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@redsmarties: HAHA omg DH just snorted. 
@Danizaur: I've seen that one and laugh like an asshole with no morals every time
@whenoceansrise: best. Show. Ever. My girlfriends have decided I'm Blanche, I'm not even mad
pomelo / 5866 posts
@Mrs Green Grass: haha that makes me laugh!!
@sunny: gotta repeat that one to DH
@Dandelion: is it bad, i almost didn't get it?!
@MaryM: eww!
@mrs. bird: 
I know this joke is not appropriate for this thread bc it is way too childish. But I know we all accept diversity here.
LO made up her own very first joke the other day.
What does a snowman eat (for breakfast)?
Snowflakes and milk
pomegranate / 3393 posts
This Monty Python joke probably doesn't work as well in written form, but it's my favorite:
A peanut was walking down the street. It was assaulted...peanut.
blogger / pomegranate / 3044 posts
these are so funny!
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsshhhh!
| Today | Monthly Record | |
|---|---|---|
| Topics | 0 | 0 |
| Posts | 1 | 0 |
Ask for Help
Make a Suggestion
Frequently Asked Questions
Bee Levels
Acronyms
Most Viewed Posts
Hellobee Gold
Hellobee Recipes
Hellobee Features
Hellobee Contests
Baby-led Weaning
Bento Boxes
Breastfeeding
Newborn Essentials
Parties
Postpartum Care Essentials
Sensory Play Activities
Sleep Training
Starting Solids Gear
Transitioning to Toddler Bed
All Series
Who We Are
About the Bloggers
About the Hostesses
Contributing Bloggers
Apply to Blog
Apply to Hostess
Submit a Guest Blog
Hellobee Buttons
How We Make Money
Community Policies
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
39 comments