Hi all! I have the classic issue with a toddler (19 month old) daughter who constantly hits and kicks her older sister, and to a lesser extent, me and her dad. I never had this issue with my 4 year old daughter (who was more prone to tantrums and crying but never really went through a hitting stage), so I’m a little at a loss. My toddler has been prone to throwing, hitting and kicking in anger or frustration for several months, and it seems to be getting worse rather than better. I thought it would improve as her language skills improved but she’s still hot tempered and hits out at her sister with any frustration. Her sister does initiate a lot of the fights with taking toys or not sharing, and we’re working on that as well, but obviously we can’t let the hitting continue while we work on minimizing things that frustrate her. We’ve done mini time outs (a minute in her crib to remove her from the situation), we’ve removed her from situations and talked to her, we’ve tried to communicate that hitting hurts. But nothing is working and I really want to nip this sooner rather than later especially as she’s set to start preschool at the end of summer. I don’t want to have her start hitting other kids in the situation. Any advice? Thanks!
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@castilrm: just be consistent. Both my kids have gone through hitting phases (still in it for our toddler). It has gotten better as they get older. For us it just takes time. My youngest is 28 months and we had a really bad phase at daycare a month ago. He would be mad about something and just go up to another kid and hit them. Redirection and talking about hands are not for hitting helped a lot.
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Phew... my DS hits DD all the time and he hits DH and myself occasionally too. However, he has never "allegedly" hit at daycare... not sure how or why. We just try to talk to him and tell him no hitting/it hurts/soft hands/hands aren't for hitting... etc. I'm pretty sure he "understands" but he still does it.
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@castilrm: Having a similar issue with my 22 month old. It seems to be when he gets frustrated. I have been doing timeout and telling him calmly that hitting hurts, throwing is wrong, hurts etc and it has improved alittle bit.
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Thanks all. I appreciate hearing from moms who are going through similar stages and what’s been working for you! I just ordered a toddler book (Hands are not for Hitting) and hoping that’ll help give us a way to talk to her about it.
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We love Hands Are Not For Hitting! My son (26 mos.) really enjoys reading it and I feel like the message resonates with him. When he's really upset, he may still lash out at us, but we remind him firmly that hands are not for hitting, and he stops. We read the book still all the time, even though his hitting has really improved.
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Hands are not for Hitting really worked for lo1, though lo2 is 26 months now and has been hitting and biting a lot in the past couple weeks (we have teeth are not for biting too!). I think it’s just a phase— she doesn’t seem like she’s mad when she hits/bites (and throws things) but more like she thinks it’s funny/wants to play with cause and effect. I repeat the lines from the books ad nauseum and have her take a break/space (like a time out, but I don’t make her sit for a specific amount of time and is less punitive, more like “I can’t let you hurt your sister, stay in your bed until you are ready to be gentle”). W biting I ask her if she wants a chewy/teether (she does have teeth coming in still) which sometimes distracts her. I don’t know if it’s working at all though of if it’s just a phase to wait out!
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@castilrm: I have this issue with our two year old daughter and she’s been doing it for a while now, as a pp also mentioned she doesn’t do it at daycare, it’s the familiarity.
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