I'm sure some others of you have dealt with this. My husband is really hurt these days because our son prefers to be with me the majority of the time. He will push my husband away and say "No! No! Or cry and turn away from him. It makes him feel terrible and I wish something could be done about it. Any suggestions?
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I'm going through that a little bit now, too. Just started recently. For us it is just regarding books, though. My husband gets home from work, and our son brings a book and I give it to my husband to read him (I've read like 50 books over the course of the day at this point) and he grabs it, screams, and brings it to me to read. He's been doing this every night now for a few weeks. I think it is totally normal and just a phase. I'm curious to see advice, too. I usually end up leaving the room to go start dinner/or just for a break, then they have fun playing together. But if I'm within sight, he only wants me!
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Us too. DH is super hurt but I keep encouraging him to spend time with her and help with her needs. If she is hungry and tells us, he should feed her, thirsty she has to ask dad for a cup of water, potty she has to tell dad and treats she gets from dad too.
Its still a struggle but we take it day by dad
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We have been going through this for a while too....DH does the bath/bedtime routine with him now (his only real time with him during the week and this seems to be helping some. I also leave him for an hour or two on the weekends so they can spend time together without me there. It's tough for DS when I leave, but he's always fine after a minute or two.
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E had a major mommy preference for a long time. I talked up D during the day while he was away, showing him pictures and telling him how much we loved D. If I knew D would be able to get home before bedtime I would try to build up the excitement to see him as much as possible, and when D walked in I would make a big deal about it. Clapping, big laughs and hugs, over the top excited.
I also tried to give them and encouraged as much alone time as possible. Close myself up in the bathroom to take a bath, leave the house, send them off to run an errand together without me....anything that let them spend time together without me as a distraction.
Then I made sure that there are a few things that E loves that only D will do with him. For example, E LOVES to be tossed around on the bed. I will almost never do it. If he wants to be tossed, he has to go to D. It's a fun thing that's just for the two of them.
It took time, and it sort of backfired on me a little bit...I'm E's favorite person ever when we're alone but if D's here I'm (not always, but usually) chopped liver!
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I think my husband kind of blames me for it because he thinks I coddle but it seems pretty common with the primary care giver no matter what their style is. My husband won't do bathtime but he does do a story at night. Sometiems my son will engage and others he is just like yours @Jenn23: and only wants me to read the books.
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Believe it or not, my son had a very strong daddy preference, to the point where he pushed me away, even though I did the majority of the child care. So, we just went with it. If he wanted dad for bathtime, he got dad. It wasn't worth the drama that went along with me trying to insist on doing it.
Now, that's tapered off a lot, but there are times of the day where he shows a stronger preference for one of us and not the other. And if he's with his grandparents, forget it, he doesn't even acknowldege us!
So, I guess I am saying, there's nothing to be done about it, really.
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I joke that I feel bad for my future DIL - my DS is a huge mama's boy and has been since birth. He is 5 1/2 now and nothing has changed.
I do have to kind of force him to do things with DH but he would always choose me if he could.
No advice just commiseration!
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We had this BIG time in Jan/feb time, she would run away from her daddy crying, it was so sad. What helped for us was to make daddy time super fun, all her favourite toys came out whenever daddy was home, and I made some of the,healthy toddler cookies from the blog for him to give her. We also made sure not to push daddy time when she was tired - which was usually when he got home from work. We also made sure that he was always helping with bath/bedtime story so she knew even if she cried at him he was still à constant in her life. She still prefers mama but is brilliant with him now, they have so much fun. Good luck, it's à tough stage.
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We go through spurts of this periodically. It really helps when my husband takes over some of the caregiving duties and, honestly, it's gotten A LOT better since I stopped nursing. This morning, DD cried when DH left for work. I felt bad for her, but both DH and I were grinning ear-to-ear over that development. A lot of this has to do with the fact that my husband has been spending a lot of time with DD lately because his work schedule has calmed down a bit.
Total honesty? The fact that you cosleep and nurse all night is of course going to make your son more connected to you. That doesn't say anything bad about you as a mother or your husband as a father... it just means that your son is getting a lot of comfort and nurturing right now that only *you* can give. As long as your husband is on board with the way you are raising your son (which I assume he is), then the mommy preference just a sad consequence of parenting decisions you are making. But so what? There will be *plenty* of times as your son gets older when he wants to do things (watch baseball, climb trees, do "man stuff") with only your husband. You might feel sad then, but - in my view - it's all a give and take. Kids go through stages of needing/wanting different things from each parent. The baby and toddler stages just naturally fall more to the mommy preference side and I think that's totally okay.
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@looch: I'm kind of scared about this happening! DS goes to daycare and has been since a very young age. Since he spends so much time there, I'm afraid he'll have a preference for his teacher over me.
Then there's the worry he'll pick daddy over me even though I care for DS pretty much myself when I'm home with him.
Silly worries I know. I'm that crazy mommy over here.
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@Alivoo01: They always know who mommy is!
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@septca: I can see that. I wish my husband was more willing to help with certain duties but he is not. He does love and adore our son though. I'm hoping to schedule some special one on one playtime for them. He didn't used to be this way at all. It seems to be coinciding with teething and me not nursing him during the day. I'm not sure but I have read that this can sometimes make baby more clingy because they don't have the day cuddles they are used to with you. Seems like t can go either way.
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@Alivoo01: even though LO loves her daycare teacher, rest assured there is only one MOMMY! It's a common worry, but you'll see
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@Alivoo01: My LO is obsessssssssed with her day care teacher (to the point that if other children try to sit in the teacher's lap my LO will physically remove them) but believe me, as soon as I walk in the door it's alllllllll about MAMA.
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@MrsMccarthy: I'm not sure this would work for you, but I have been trying to let DD drink her milk (out of her straw cup) while sitting in my lap and cuddling and reading a book. It has helped her be okay with losing her nursing sessions.
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I think its probably just a phase that you have to wait out. But I do find that if I'm not around (sleeping in, leave to go to the store, etc.) they do much better than if I'm here. Maybe try to leave them alone on the weekends. You don't have to make a big deal about it- just say "I'm going to head to the store for awhile" or whatever.
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My LO does this as you know, and she's around dh and I equal amounts. I think it's just a phase. We do alternate bedtime each night and I think that helps.
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@looch: @MamaMoose: @yoursilverlining: Thanks for the reassurance ladies!
@MamaMoose: That's funny your LO goes and removes the other kid from the teacher's lap.
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We're going through a serious mommy preference in our house, but my LO is only 9 months. If I'm around, she has to be with me - the new exhausting piece of this is that she screams if her dad tries to do bedtime or soothe her at a night wakeup.
So, commiseration from me.
Did anyone have this issue with the night wakings, and have any suggestions?
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DD is away for a week with DH right now, so she doesn't really have a choice on preference this week, but it think the biggest thing for us is the routine/day to day things that I do with her, versus his things with her. We have always been very habitual in this regard. She knows he does bath time, and puts her down every single night, in between that I feed bottle, and just before bath I feed dins, so she knows our norm and who she is with for each! She's still pretty okay with one of us away though, still can get away with out of sight, out of mind and have one of us do everything!
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@MrsMccarthy: As OP have said, I would definitely give your two boys some alone time. Or give your husband a task that only he and your LO do. My husband always gives B his bath and reads his bedtime story. He is actually getting very attached to daddy and he is always asking me "where is daddy" or "lets find daddy" or "can i call daddy".
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@septca: i do try to do that actually but he seems to prefer to run around with it. He doesnt seem to mind during the day but he goes ballistic at night.
Thanks for the advice ladies. My husband bless his heart is not the greatest about taking on individual tasks or much alone time with our son. he adores him and they play but he also seems to give up too easily or get bored lately. This is a really new development. They were always so tight before. Thats why i think it may be related to either his being weaned until bedtime or the four mondo teeth he has coming in. I hope it passes soon.
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I think it's only natural that a LO should be more "attached" to their primary carer regardless of whether that's Mum or Dad.
And I think it's important that a parent who is feeling "left out" as such should take the initiative to work on and foster the bond with their child.
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@Alivoo01: I used to be a day care teacher and, while my babies loved me SO much, when mama or daddy came I became chopped liver. That is besides one baby who was like, IN love with me. She came to me as fast as she could when she was dropped off and when mama came to pick her up she was happy to see her, but was sad to leave me. I loved her to pieces!
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