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This won't help as much with the tantrums, but it might help with your feelings...I teach this age and a honestly think the biggest mistake parents make is believing that their job is to make their child happy. You can't make anyone feel anything. You could take two children on an identical exciting outing to a special place, and depending on their choices, one could have a delightful day and one a miserable time. So you aren't failing at anything! Your job is to teach your child about their feelings. This is a great age to start labeling them to lay the framework for when he is older: "you feel frustrated/angry/sad. It is ok to feel frustrated/angry/sad, but it is not ok to scream. I will hold you/give you space to keep you safe until your body is calm. Mommy is going to take deep breaths to stay calm too. When your body is quiet we will play/go outside /have a snack."

I hesitate to post but I hope this is helpful. I don't want to be harsh but I don't think a tantrum that lasts an hour is normal...like I know it's a really, really difficult age before they can talk well, but still I would try to do some investigation. See if you can notice what happened before. I'm thinking like things he ate, last time went to the bathroom, something like that. We had something similar happen with one of my LOs, and it happened twice about a month apart. But after the second time I realized he had eaten a bunch of strawberries beforehand (not immediately but actually the night before), and must have had a tummy ache. He was around the same age as your LO at the time, so could say some words but not verbalize what he was feeling. This was sort of the beginning of us realizing there were some sensory issues (but ones that we've managed really well through diet/lifestyle changes).

@annem1990: I honestly think that your kid is too young to be having these kinds of power struggles with. At that age I encourage doing these things like throwing diapers away but I’m not going to make a power struggle out of it if they don’t want to do it.

I also think that hour long tantrums can be totally normal depending on the kid. My first LO rarely threw a tantrum. My second, OMG he’s almost three and is the king of tantrums. He has endurance too! Ignoring does not work for him, he will just escalate and cry indefinitely.

Has your child always been more on the difficult side or are the tantrums a recent development?

@annem1990: Yeah in the case you described I would definitely diffuse the situation. I have definitely softened over the years though....ground rules are important but I won't fight with a toddler, it's not worth my sanity. For my kids, I am very strict about matters of safety, somewhat strict with our house rules, less strict about other random things...it's sort of a sliding scale. In a few months communication will be much easier...try to just do what makes your life easier for now.

My favorite way to make sure something gets done without escalating is to do it hand over hand. So if you want him to throw away the diaper but it's going to be an issue try "do you want to throw it away all by yourself?" Then wait a few seconds, then say "no? Ok, I will help you" Then put your hand over his and toss it in the trash together then go "yay all done!" And move on. You got the job done and didn't get stuck in the moment.