This is really unnecessarily long. Sorry!

My daughter (she will be 3 in April) and I go to a playgroup once a week. There is a little girl there, who is a bit younger than my daughter, but remarkably verbal. This girl has pretty strong "leadership skills." By this, I mean she constantly tells other kids what to do. "You go there." "Go be with your mama." "I'm going to play with this, you stop." She once told me to get out of a chair I was sitting in. I told her that I was comfortable in this chair, but she could sit in the one next to me if she wanted. She repeated her demand several times before giving up, and got more and more agitated when I wouldn't move.

I'm usually pretty hands off in my daughter's interactions with other kids. I've found that if they are arguing over a toy, they usually work it out. The class is a Waldorf-inspired and in many ways RIE parenting class, so we are told to try to stay out of it unless someone might get hurt. Even then we aren't supposed to resolve the problem (like, no enforcing sharing or taking turns, but rather saying "you want the toy that Sally has, but she is playing with it. I won't let you hurt Sally. You can come sit with me or play with something else."). I agree with and follow this style typically.

This week the little girl told my daughter to "go over with your mama" when they were both playing in an area with the baby dolls and blankets. My daughter listened- she brought one baby over with her, but came and sat next to me and started playing with something else. Fine. But then, at clean up time, I told my daughter to go put the baby in the crib so we could clean up and she said "But she told me to come over here," and seemed...timid about going back over there. I was totally bothered by this and said "You can go over there if you want to. You don't have to do what she says unless you want to."
I was surprised by how much it triggered me. I was a bossy kid myself (I can use that word if its about me!) when I was younger, and its a quality I have worked really hard to manage and use differently as I've grown. I felt so sad for my daughter who was so confused and seemed to be trying to do the right thing. Especially since playing with the babies is her favorite thing and she usually does it for the whole class.

I'm pretty sure no one else observed the entire thing play out. Sometimes the teacher steps in if something happens, and helps negotiate it. I could ask for her advice, but I don't want to seem like I'm being nasty to this other little girl!

How would you handle it in the future/ what would you have done differently?