DH wants to go to an out of town conference for five days (four nights) when our new baby girl will be just 2 months old. My mom will be out of town at the same time, which would leave me with virtually no support during that time. He hasn't been around newborns much and I'm trying to figure out how to explain to him how difficult it would be on me to be alone for up to five straight days/4 nights with a 2-month old, and hence help him understand why I would rather he skipped the conference this time. (note: our baby is not born yet) Any advice?
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My husband left for 8 days when our baby was 8 months old, and that was when she was far easier. I'd just say hell no, I can't handle that, you just cannot leave me for that long.
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Wow! Would any of his friends or coworkers tell him not to do it? I know DH's co-workers and friends would give him a harder time than I would if he were to leave for so long. Especially from people that are already dads, they always tell him how hard it is and how much they need to help out. (all in the mom's favor of course)
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Yeah, I would definitely not allow it. Just refer to some of the sleep posts here regarding newborn sleep. Although by 2 months things generally start to get a little easier, it's still no walk in the park and you certainly shouldn't be expected to shoulder the burden yourself. Good luck!
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My DD is 2 months old and although I would HATE it, I think it would be manageable...that's just me though. If you really don't want him to go then tell him!
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I had a c-section and was barely fully recovered at 2 months post partum. Also at around 2 months was when my son decided to no longer sleep during the day and cry all day instead. I would be rocking my screaming baby and in tears by the time my husband got home from work. There was no way I could have survived without support.
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My LO is a spirited baby and he was especially spirited at 2 months old. I made my DH stay home instead of going to a concert with his friends one night because I was sleep-deprived and going nutty!!
Can your DH make a last-minute decision to go to the conference or does he need to decide now? I have a couple of friends that would have been ok with their husbands going away at 2 months pp but most would have been too overwhelmed.
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I am only 19 days into this with LO and would already be ok with it (I wouldn't want it to happen, but if it had to, I'd be ok) so I think it depends on a lot! That being said it doesn't seem you're ok with this, so if it must happen, I'd be damn sure he preps you enough freezer meals, lunches, and does absolutely everything thinkable to make your life as simple as possible over that time
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Well he's not going. I explained that we just can't know at this point if the baby will be easy or difficult at that stage, but that it is best to err on the side of "it will be too hard". Unfortunately, I don't think he'll really 'get it' until the baby is here and is 2 months old!
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My husband is going away for 3 days in January when our LO will be almost 7 months old and I'm already dreading it, even though LO has gotten much easier to manage lately. It's a lot of work being a single parent and taking care of every single feeding, diaper change, etc, etc. He should at least attempt to find someone that can help you a couple days to make sure you get a rest.
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It's not fun but totally doable. I had a c section and was cleared to drive at four weeks. Maybe I am in the minority but I would have been ok. At two months I was in charge of most things anyways because I was nursing and not pumping at all so whenever the babies were awake I was usually feeding them.
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@Oceanis723: Exactly! It's not much fun but definitely doable, but I guess having older/ multiple children makes that seem like a walk in the park lol...
You can doooo it! It's amazing what one can accomplish when the situation arises. Just take it day by day and before you even know it, it will be over
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Honestly for me, I wouldn't have survived. I had ppd and LO was super fussy and it was a struggle to make it to 6pm each day when DH came home. I certainly had no idea it would be like that before LO arrived. There's just no telling what things will be like at that point so I'd err on the side of caution.
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Is there a best friend who can come over and just give you some relief every day or two for an hour or so? Personally, I think 5 days is too long to be alone all day and all night with a 2 month old. It's not that I think you couldn't do it- but so much of your routine with you LO is most likely going to rely on your partner, at least somewhat. DH went out of town for a bachelor party when DS was 8 weeks- I didn't "need" my mom to stay with me overnight, but I was sure glad to have her there to give me a break every so often during that 24 hour time period.
I would say that if there's literally no one who can st least stop by to help you out, your DH should skip this conference. Or at least wait until the baby is here to decide whether or not to go. -
DH was out of town for a week on business when LO was 2 months old. It was hard, but doable.
To make things easier on me, we did a few things before DH left:
- all baby clothes were washed and put away
- all my clothes were washed and put away
- we had groceries in the house
- I had meals prepared for the week
- the house was cleanThat way all I had to do was focus on LO. I also scheduled lunch with other mom friends a couple of days, so I knew I would have some adult conversation. That helped too.
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i will have to deal with this for sure (probably not 5 nights in a row though) because DH will still be in school. is there a way he can go for half the time? i definitely think you could do it (not that you would want to, but if it's something for work?)
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My DH left for a week on a vacation and our LO was 5.5 months old. It was manageable. It probably would have been easier when she was two months old because she slept a lot more then. The oldertime she became, the worse her sleep was!
If it is something he really wants to do, I personally would let him. I just don't think it is fair to tell your husband NOT to do something. If you think about it, there are lots of single moms out there who do it all alone!
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Could you get a baby nurse to come and help overnight? That would make it a lot more manageable!
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It also depends on how important the conference is? If it was very important, then I can't see myself saying no. You will get through it day by day.
Also, DD was sleeping for 11 hours straight by 2 months so you just never know. It could be just fine!
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Oy. Tell him you'll do it, but then you want a five day vacation when he comes back.
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@Andrea: I agree 100%. If this conference is very important to his career I couldn't see telling my husband he couldn't go.
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I may be in the minority, but, unless the conference was crucial to his career, he wouldn't be going.
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I agree that it would be tough, but doable. But like what @Beebug said, it would be a whole lot easier if he could make sure you had some meals prepared so that you can at least eat while he's gone. And then to agree with @artbee, tell him that you'll need a break for a couple days so that you can collect yourself.
And, you always have all of us here if you need anything
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I am already prepping/worried about this. DH usually travels, depending on the project, Mon-Thurs so baby and I will be having lot of quality time together. Luckily my sister works near our house, so can come help after work. And my Mom has a ton of vacation time and already said that she will take as much time as I ask her too.
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23 comments