Hellobee Boards

We're kind of struggling too. DS wasn't eating or drinking and was melting down by 12 (he goes MWF 9-1). The teachers suggested he go 9-12 until he gets acclimated. He's also the youngest in the class by quite a bit and has a speech delay so he's got that working against him.

He's being going for 3 weeks now and it's taken some time but he's adjusting slowly. We just keep reiterating that we will always come back to pick him up and we sent in a family picture so he can look at that when he's feeling sad. Are there any toys there that you know he'd like to play with? Maybe if they have free play when you arrive you can steer him directly to a toy you know he would love!

It's so hard to see your kid struggle and know that you put them in that position. I think L will be fine though, it's just going to take time.

A more experienced mom than me told me that if I kept waiting for it to get better, I might be setting myself up for disappointment. One of her kids is older and cried every day for YEARS. Some kids are just wired different and hopefully, yours isn't one of them! I just prepare for the worst and then am surprised when it goes better.

She also advised me to give my son a job when he got to school, like a take a sticker and bring it to the director, small things like this, to take the focus off of drop off.

@looch: thank you for saying that. I google and get "3 year old preschool isn't necessary, take kid out if they aren't ready" and I plan to work by Jan/Feb (due in the next couple weeks) and not stay home with this baby again. It's something I'd already be doing if I hadn't had health problems come up. I don't want to stay at home and put my own plans on hold just waiting for lo to be "ready" which may never happen... It might get worse. Anyway, I'm glad you said that because googling was making me crazy.

@hilsy85: if it helps I was the kid that cried every day through preschool but did FINE in kindergarten and was WAY on the independent side through most of elementary school and beyond. I can live with tears at drop off, I'm just bothered by how much she talks about it at home and that she doesn't stop crying after I leave. Kind of expected though since she has mostly been at home with me. Hopefully our kids get through this quickly!

@looch: a job is a great idea! when DD1 had her worst bit of separately anxiety between 9-12 months, her primary teacher always had her "help" feed the fish when i handed her off.

@hilsy85: my daughter was anxious all week and clinging to me all day long.. Then did better over the weekend and even talked positively about school.. Then this morning the tears started as soon as it was time to get ready. She was already asking "but no school tomorrow?"

@jmarionsmith: my daughter is the same way. SO MUCH more dramatic about mama leaving than daddy. Thanks, kid! Luckily daddy is primary drop off person.

My DS has a tough time at drop off. He cried every day for months at his old daycare because they kept switching up the morning classroom person. Then we switched daycares and it took several weeks for him to stop crying at drop off. It's tough for him to say good by to Mommy, he just hates it when I leave him. But he would quickly get over it and go have fun.

I'd give it a little time and see if he adjusts. And if gets to a point where he's happy most of the time he's there, then just do drop off as quickly as possible. It's like ripping off a band aid. Hand him off and get out. Prolonging it just makes it worse on them, in my experience.

ETA: As a WOHM I just don't have the luxury of saying my child isn't ready. He has to go to school, no way around it. I think it's kind of funny when people say their kids just weren't ready.

@ShootingStar: I am probably going to get push back, but I think delaying it only makes it worse. Because as the child gets older they are only going to grow more and more attached to their mom/dad so the separation is going to be harder. I'm not a child psychologist, so what do I know though.

@BandDmommy: I think that has been the case.. idk about push back but it makes sense imo.

@2littlepumpkins: I didn't say that staying at home is a luxury. I was trying to say that the choice to pull your kid out of school if they're "not ready" is a luxury.

@hilsy85: Does your LO not nap any more? 12:20 start time would be a recipe for disaster for my LO because that's normally when she's going down for her nap so she would be suuuuuuper cranky.

@hilsy85: Sorry mama, that is so hard Here is a similar thread that you may have already seen, that had some good tips: http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-to-make-drop-offs-easier

I also agree with the Daniel Tiger episode. My DS told another crying child recently "Don't worry, grown ups always come back!" We repeated that frequently, it seems to have stuck with him!

My DS didn't have trouble last year, at 2.5, but this year at 3.5 he had a hard time adjusting. It only took about 3 weeks before drop offs were easy, but he goes 5 days a week now. Hang in there, I'm sure in a couple more weeks here you'll be sharing advice with the rest of us! Having other kids there crying definitely didn't help! Good luck!

Like someone else mentioned, could nap/tiredness be contributing? Even if you dropped the nap, that midday slump could be really fighting with the stimulation and just newness of the separation.

My LO was an infant/young toddler when we did part-time daycare (10-20 months) so it was obviously very different, but the things that helped us were...
- Dad dropping off (not an option for you though)
- Very quick, "neutral" drop off with the same routine every time
- Looking at pictures of her teachers and classmates and talking about them
- Taking her lovey (I know you tried this but I would keep it up - her lovey was glued to her for the whole year she was in school)
- Very good sleep & a full belly (The worst days were when she did not eat or sleep well)
- Increasing days (We went from 2 days to 3 days)
- Time

Ultimately, it was about 2 months before she was fine. And she still cried at drop-off a lot and had bad days. Again, she was an infant and no, I don't think she was "ready." Totally different situation than a 3 year old! Just offering my suggestions in hopes they can help you. And crossing my fingers things are different for us this time next year when we put LO in preschool.

ETA: This is probably not the case for you but for anyone else reading this... We also saw a big change when we figured out LO had a double ear infection and got it treated. Unfortunately I think she had secret ear infections for a while as a baby and we didn't know. She still didn't love daycare but she was happier in general including at school.

My daycare had a crazy schedule where I pretty much had to be with her the whole day the first day, then less and less the following days until I was able to just drop her off. I thought it was a total PITA, but it worked! DD never cried for me.

Eta: By "never" I mean just not during her first few weeks there. She eventually started crying (after returning from vacation) but the teachers reassured me that she only cries for a minute and is perfectly fine as soon as I leave the building. I waited around the corner a few times and to my surprise she really did stop.

My DS has cried every single day for 2 years when I drop him off. But he stops after a few minutes and is fine. He actually loves school but just has some separation anxiety. He often cries when I pick him up too because he doesn't want to leave! (When we first started, he cried all day for about a week but then he adjusted. His is daycare though, so I didn't really have an option)

@hilsy85: DD has been in daycare since she was 15 months old but she still cries when we make a change like moving up to the next room etc. she is in full day preschool now, and I have noticed that for the last week of so out of nowhere she has become extra clingy and wants me to stay in the class with her, carry her etc. her teachers have said that they see this often when the arrival of a new baby is on the cards.

Perhaps this is a contributing factor. In any case, usually even the most outgoing of kids may feel a little insecure or run into difficulties. It should get better as you go but as people say, you light have to start trying to just drop off and leave.

aww - i'm sure he will get used to it, just hang in there. I agree with mrsjyw, don't linger at drop off, and talk a lot about BEFORE going. J has been in daycare since 14months, but when he's transitioned to different rooms/teachers there is always a bit of a hard time. we had some routines that helped - watch mommy drive through a puddle on the way out; give me a push out the door, then get to close it, stuff like that seemed to help. I also talked about what we would do together after I picked him up. talking a lot really did seem to help! good luck mama.