I am drinking wine right now because I don't know what else to do. Today, I had it out with my mom, we had a screaming match and yelled at each other that we hate each other. I don't get a long with her, I don't respect her anymore for too many complicated reasons to list, I decided long ago to distance myself from her for the sake of my son, but .... she just doesn't get it. I love her in that she is my mother, but I do not like her at all. I don't want to be around her, I don't want to hear her voice, I don't want to hear her complaining about everything and her negative outlook on everything. It is not just a simple matter of getting old, she's been this way all my life. Everything is a crises to her, she fights with everyone, she's always stressed and her crisis is the most important thing all the time. She was absent for most of my son's babyhood. She doesn't respect people, she is rude and always wants her way. I feel utterly hopeless and stuck. I'm an only child, my father passed away in my teens. She was remarried for a while but no longer. So she's alone and lonely and while I feel bad that she's lonely, she put herself in that situation. And I don't want anything to do with her because she makes me absolutely crazy, like f**king crazy where I want to drive my fist into the damn wall. I'm not a cold-hearted person, but my heart has definitely been hardened because of her. She hates me because I refuse to pretend that everything is ok and live a lie. I've had to simplify everything I've written just to give you an idea, but it goes so much deeper than that .... 40+ years of this and I can't do it anymore. But what do I do ? Do I just abandon her ? Leave her to die alone ? Or just live pretending like everything is ok and go to through the motions ? It is f**king hard to ignore the things she says and not get utterly angry at her, but is that what I should do ???? She is a miserable person and I'm convinced that bad luck follows her everywhere, she complains about everybody if they don't serve her wishes. I don't want my son around that kind of negativity. How do I keep my sanity ? I literally don't know how. I feel like i'm cursed and I want to cry. She doesn't "hear" anything I say, she only wants to defend herself and so I know talking to her is futile. She is the most difficult person I know in my lifetime. She is only person who drives me to the point of screaming at the top of my lungs. I know I have a lot of deep down resentment for her for a lot of things and that I can't forgive her. I know holding on to that only hurts me ... I know it, I know it. But when you're in it, it's so damn hard. Has anyone experienced this ????? Please tell me what you did.