transition to a new house and a new daycare

We are moving at the end of the month from our little city apartment to a house we bought in the suburbs. I'm excited to have our own place and have somewhere to put baby #2 when she comes, but so, so sad about pulling my 20-month-old out of his daycare. He's been there since he was 14 weeks old and they love him and he is crazy about everyone there, when he shows up in the morning the other toddlers jump and shriek his name and run to hug him and take his coat off, and the caregivers adore him. The house transition I'm less worried about, but still... I just keep thinking that this is all he's ever known and his world seems so big to him. We have a new daycare lined up that I think is going to be very nurturing, but I'm so scared about hurting him by taking him away from all his little friends.

Anyone who has moved around this age--do you have any tips or words of advice?? Anything you did that made it a little easier or softer? (or anything I shouldn't do?) I'd love to hear thoughts on either daycare or house moves. I know people move all the time, and I've heard people say it's easier on the kid than the parent, but I'm super nervous. Thanks in advance.

MamaBear87
nectarine / 2288 posts

Apr 11, 2018

We aren't moving but are changing preschools for our 2.5 year old in June. I absolutely love her tiny preschool and all the teachers there.
No advice just solidarity. Moving the littles is hard! But as you said they adjust much better/faster than we do.

Congrats on the house!
bhbee
cantaloupe / 6086 posts

Apr 11, 2018

We moved when my oldest was 2, cross country from city apartment to house. I think the house part is pretty easy, you can always talk up all the new space/features and they still have all their familiar things too. I don’t remember it being a problem (like you said, more of a change for me - I needed a car, went from walking everywhere to driving - but I did appreciate the space and ease knowing #2 was on the way).

I felt super sad leaving her friends. And of course now at 6 she doesn’t remember at all. I think kids that age are pretty flexible about things and will make new friends easily. And they don’t take things as hard as adults - like she would ask about old friends and I would tear up, but she’d just move on a minute later. One of our friends gave us a photo book of the little friends growing up together as a leaving present and that was nice, so you could always make one, although probably again I was more interested than she was! I guess my main advice would be follow his lead and try to keep adult emotions out of it. We didn’t directly make a school transition so I’m sure other have better advice on that.
Aria
persimmon / 1121 posts

Apr 11, 2018

We moved across the country when my daughter was 22 months. To prep her for the move she came with us when we were looking at apartments and we visited the playground across the street from our new place which she was excited about so we talked about that a lot and how we’d get to play there. We got her room all set up first and made it look as similar to her old room as we could. We also were doing a gymnastics class before we moved and we signed her up for the same one in the new city to keep a little bit of consistency. For all that though, I honestly don’t think it made a difference. She never once seemed confused or upset about the transition, though she’s generally pretty easy going. Don’t stress too much. He’ll do great. It absolutely was harder on me than her. We are moving again in a week and now her only concern is if all her toys are coming.
Aria
persimmon / 1121 posts

Apr 11, 2018

double post!
LCTBQE
nectarine / 2461 posts

Apr 11, 2018

@MamaBear87: I know, it's kind of heartbreaking! and I don't consider myself a softie, guess I was wrong. good luck with your preschool transition, I will let you know how ours goes

@bhbee: yes I remember you already made me feel better about this on the August board, thank you, you're the best. I *know* you're right that they're really pliable with this kind of thing at this age--going to keep reminding myself and like you said, being grateful for a place to put the second boo that isn't a pack n play in the bathroom. when I gave notice at daycare I started bawling and the head teacher burst into tears, it was seriously pitiful. then my son got scared and started crying--so yeah, roger that on keeping adult emotions out of it also, I teared up just *reading* about your daughter asking about her little friends. omg, I've gotta get it together. great tip about talking up the new space. we're also getting a puppy in May (!!!) and he is totally nuts about dogs, so that will be a nice distraction, too. thxx again for the hand-holding.

@Aria: aw, thank you for this. if I'm not mixing you up with someone else, didn't you also leave Carroll Gardens? Where are you guys heading next? I'm glad to hear you felt like your efforts didn't make much of a dent in the situation because we're not able to get all set up before we introduce him to the new place--we're sleeping there the night we move in. And also so reassuring that nobody there is stressed out about the transition this time.
Aria
persimmon / 1121 posts

Apr 12, 2018

@LCTBQE: Yeah, we left Carroll Gardens. I still miss it. It seriously took me a year before I could think about it without crying. We're just doing an in-town move this time though to escape some truly awful neighbors. There will be no tears this time!
muffinsmuffins
persimmon / 1023 posts

Apr 12, 2018

We did this when DS was 18 months. We weren’t super attached to the home daycare but it was bittersweet moving from the house we took him home to as a baby. He started the new daycare and 2 weeks later we moved across the city. He had literally no issue! He has absolutely thrived at the daycare and our commute was cut in half so all of our quality of life improved drastically. This will be our forever home.

As for tips, he just went along with it all. We visited the new house a couple days before we moved and he ran all around while we talked up his new room and play space and backyard, etc. And he was excited! It was super cute. My in laws had him overnight the actual 2 days we did the grunt work and then we had purchased a new play kitchen to have all set up when they brought him to the new house. We set up his stuff first so everything he had was all there and ready. As for the daycare, they did 2 days transitioning to a full day and he was great. Some tears at drop off but fine after 2 weeks. We just talked it up and made it like he was going to ‘school’ now.

It’s definitely tougher on the parents! I remember DW taking a picture of him in his crib the last night in the old house and getting teary and worried about how it would go. 2 yrs later it was absolutely the right choice.
Becky
persimmon / 1390 posts

Apr 12, 2018

Our experience was very similar to @muffinsmuffins. We moved to a new house one week after DD1 (age 29 mos.) was released from the hospital after having RSV. She had previously been in an in-Home daycare, where it was just her and the provider’s son (and occasionally a baby). For the next 3 weeks my MIL watched her, and then I went out on maternity leave. 12 weeks later she started at her first daycare, and I went back to work full time. Basically, tons of transitions. She was totally fine and we had no related behavior issues.
Alba4
nectarine / 2951 posts

Apr 12, 2018

While we didn’t make a move with kids, we switched daycares when my oldest was around 2. We were unhappy with his former daycare teacher and the transition to the new daycare went smooth. Kids are resilient! Your child will make new friends and strong connections!

Where did you end up buying? NJ?
LCTBQE
nectarine / 2461 posts

Apr 14, 2018

sorry for the delay replying!
@Aria: yes, I have a feeling we're going to really miss it, too--we're just moving to the NJ suburbs but I feel like I might as well be moving cross country, it's going to be so different. good for you for getting away from awful people, it is amazing how rotten neighbors can ruin your quality of life. I think the only thing I won't miss about Carroll Gardens is our downstairs neighbor's blaring television noise and incessant pot smoke practically getting me high in my own apartment.

@muffinsmuffins: aw that's great that it was so smooth for you guys--sounds like you have a really nice support system and quality of life now. we won't have the option to set up shop before we introduce him to the house, but it kind of sounds from everyone like it will be okay. I teared up reading about your picture from the last night in your old place! I know people move constantly, guess I'm just sentimental--there is something so sweet about bringing that first baby back to your starter/salad days house

@Becky: wow, that's so much in such a short period of time! and how scary about the hospital, I don't think I realized RSV was so serious.

@Alba4: thank you for this I think it's hard in my mind because we do love his current daycare, but that doesn't inform that we won't also love the new place. we bought in Maplewood! I'm kind of half still kicking and screaming about leaving the city and half really excited to have our own place, but we *love* the house we got. mostly relieved that when I have #2 in August I have some place to put her that isn't 14 inches from my face, you know?

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