Hellobee Boards

I would try to decompress on the commute home - listen to a book on tape, have a snack and by the time you are picking up DD hopefully you feel more relaxed!

I decompress on my commute home. It's really the only time I get to myself with nobody else to complain about my music or my singing.

I agree that the only good part about my 45 minute drive home is decompressing while listening to the radio (usually NPR). We do dinner first and I usually feed DD leftovers since I can't cook effectively with her around (DH doesn't get home until later). This lets me sit down, have a small snack (lately it's homemade falafel), and let her talk to me. It's not perfect - still pretty stressful some days! - but it helps. Luckily her bedtime is a short 1.5-2 hours later

And I don't feel too bad about not eating much dinner if my snack is healthy and full of protein/veggies.

Can you eat a snack in the car so that you are aren't starving for the hour you with her at home before bed?

I only have a long commute two days a week, and I go on public transportation, is that an option at all? If I had to drive, I think by the time I got home, I'd be an absolute mess.

On those days, we eat dinner at my parent's house, would it be possible maybe to eat out a few days a week, or invite yourself over to your inlaws,

I don't know if this will help, but I listen to podcasts on the drive. I also resign myself to the fact that the commute sucks (it sounds like our commutes are similar), other drivers are terrible, and that's just the way it is. A while ago I saw a sign on the highway that said "Be Patient" and I try to remember that as a mantra - if that guy wants to be ahead of me that badly, whatever. There's no point in holding a grudge. This has really helped me deal with traffic stress, which I used to have a real real problem with. I do sometimes call my husband (he's also still working while I'm driving) and make him talk to me for 5 minutes if things are really bad - could you maybe make a deal with him that you'll only call if you really need him and in return he'll try his best to make 5 minutes for him (I don't know his job, this may not be feasible). I also keep a jar of mixed nuts in the car for snacking (and a bag of mini eggs, but those are less responsible). Lately I've been listening to Bitch Sesh, a podcast where two women talk about Real Housewives, and between that and the snacks my commute almost feels like free time!

I agree with the others to maximize your commute. I live in DC and drive so I completely understand the rough commute. I try to listen to podcasts that I accumulate over time, audio books, anything that can get me thinking about other things. Usually my husband and I commute together, which for me is a bit rough because I'm an introvert and my job involves a lot of "on" time so I'd love a commute to decompress and not talk but it is what it is. It's rough for me too because I go straight into parent mode and LO is a late bedtimer so I don't even get to turn off until after 9. Find those moments as much as you can, it's an ongoing struggle.

This may not be realistic for you with your schedule, but I started recently stopping at home FIRST before going to pick LO up from school (only works now because her new school is near my office, not my house). I take 10 minutes to change into home clothes, put away my gym bag, wash my lunch tupperware, throw in a load of laundry before I go get her. Then when I get home with her 15 mins later than usual, I can do nothing but spend time with her. it helps a lot!

@Cherrybee: Would it be possible for you to leave your car parked at work most of the week and take transit home? I don't know if that's safe or if you pay for parking, but it might cut down on the time spent in the car. I knew a guy who drove to work on Monday, left his car parked all week while taking transit (or running), and then drove home on Friday.

It sounds like what you need is a laugh. So I would focus on finding audiobooks or podcasts that you find hilarious. Something like a crass David Sedaris book or something that will make you cackle will raise your endorphins even as you're sitting in traffic.

Here's a list of audiobooks written/spoken by comedians:

http://airshipdaily.com/blog/101420138-hilarious-audiobooks-written-and-narrated-by-comedians

I think when you arrive to pick up your daughter, you should turn off the engine and take 30 seconds to just take a deep breath and stretch. You can do this seated in the car or standing outside. Just get the kinks out and get the blood rushing through your limbs and that should again, give you a mood boost.

I might try scents in the car that might boost your mood. A favorite perfume or just even a few drops of lavender or mint essential oils to either relax you or envigorate you.

I would also get myself a big ol' beverage of choice before hitting that mean commute home. For me, it would be an ice cold diet soda over crushed ice. I know you have GD, so I would really try to give yourself some kind of power snack in the car, like a handful of nuts or a hardboiled egg to keep you steady until dinner.

All this requires planning ahead, but I think if you have those things ready, it will relieve your post-work anxiety and help you be more pleasant once you're home with your daughter.

@Cherrybee: could your inlaws pick her up even ONE day a week and take her to your house? Then that reduces a stop before home for you and maybe you can take a little Longer to get home, get a coffee, whatever. My mom does this with my nephews once a week so my sister isn't so flustered to rush home.

I feel you on this. DH and I commute together, which works out great in terms of being able to talk about our days undisturbed, but I really struggle having absolutely zero alone time during my day. The car ride isn't relaxing to me because I'm either in intense conversation with DH or listening to boring sports talk radio. And I don't do the driving so I'm just sitting there, bored. On rare days when we don't ride together I listen to an audiobook/podcast of my choosing that is uplifting or listen/sing to really loud music to unwind.

It is hard! I try to carve out some alone time for myself on weekends, but it doesn't always happen and I struggle with guilt about it. But I'm trying to let go of that.

@Cherrybee: I feel you on this. I think - most important is to be "ok" if you have nights where you count the minutes until bedtime. K can be a total handful at night - we usually only have 1-1.5 hours with her before night night. Some times it feels like forever.

DH and I both have very stressful careers and are sometimes wound very tight when we get home. We do not have long commutes but have found that the following works - fwiw we eat dinner together all three of us, so some may not apply:

1) Sharing duties...if one of us is more wound up - that one takes over food prep and the other focuses on K.
2) If we NEED to have a quick decompress - we put on her fave show for 15 mins or so and have a quick chat
3) It may seem really silly but one of K's fav things is to run around kinda "screaming" but not like shrieking...sometimes when I feel like we are crumbling one of us will start doing that - the three of us all join in and just act like fools...she loves it and somehow it does help DH and I.
4) When I feel I have been extra bad or short with her bc of how she is acting I spend more time with her during the bed time process...which she is generally calm for. Read her a few extra books - rock her a few extra minutes...kind of reconnect with her. Its not the 1.5 hours where she may have been driving me crazy but it makes me feel better to end the night on a high note.

As for the commute - I dont have the issue now but I used to when I took public transportation years back - it would wind me up even worse. What I found worked was either 1) play list of my fav songs 2) play list of soothing songs or 3) books on tape...

I second (third? fourth?) the podcasts on the commute. Its gotten to the point where I actually look forward to traffic cause it means I can listen to more of them! I recommend them to my husband and we often listen to the same ones and can't wait to get home and talk about them. Some favourites for particular moods:

When I just want a good story and to let my mind wander:
-This American Life, Radiolab
When I want to learn something new:
-The hidden brain, freakonomics, planet money
When I want to hear about people whose lives are more fucked up than mine:
-Dear Sugar
When I want to feel cool and understand more about the internet and online culture"
-Reply all

I think resigning yourself to "it is what it is" and embracing the chaos can sometimes be a good thing. Good luck!

As others have said, I try to decompress on the ride home... unfortunately, I work 5 min from where I pick up the girls.

Honestly, it's the hardest to get used to. The kids are SO excited to see you and SO over their day so they're whiny and ... well... annoying. And it's rush, rush, rush to get them dinner, then baths, then bed for each one. It's like you have no quality time with them... but it's the new normal.

I had to really adjust my mindset. I get mentally prepared before I pick them up and make sure I leave all work stress behind until after they are in bed. All adult conversations usually wait until 8ish, and then I unload on DH LOL

I park the car at home and walk to daycare. It's a 5-10 minute walk but it helps me decompress.

In the months when the sun is out later we hit up a park on the way home. In the winter we try to go to the library once a week before home. Making time for a little activity makes me feel better.

Hang in there!

@Cherrybee: I hear you about the commute! Mine is about 1.5 hours round trip and it used to stress me out sooo much (bumper to bumper the whole way). Now I listen to audio books from the library and I savor my commute. I'm working my way through the Harry Potter series...so good! For me it's a great way to transition. Could be with a shot!

I only drive for 20 min but that's def when I decompress too. It's the last of my alone time before I get home, DH hands over DD, we eat, play with her, get her ready for bed, etc... Then I gotta clean up the house before I can sit down for like half an hour before bed!

I almost always listen to podcasts in the car. Usually more funny ones (except for Serial).