O's been potty trained for quite a while, maybe 8 months or so? She does really well most of the time, though still has occasional pee accidents, mostly if she gets too busy playing to remember to go, or if she's in a particularly defiant mood and refuses to cooperate. My main question, though, is if anyone has any tricks to getting around resistance first thing in the morning. She sleeps in a pull up, and would happily keep that thing on all morning if we let her. 9/10 days, when we tell her it's time to go on the potty and change into underwear, she refuses. We can usually talk her into it one way or another, but it's a tough way to start the morning and usually ruins the good mood she wakes up in. I've tried letting her wait a bit so we aren't pushing her right when she first wakes up, but that isn't really working. I'm thinking of trying to steer her in there right when she comes out of her room to try to do it before she's awake enough for resistance. Anyone have any tricks?
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My 3yo is pretty well potty trained (for pee at least; not for poop) and he is frequently still very resistant to going to the potty. For him it's a power struggle. I often just have to say "okay, we can't do x until you go potty" or whatever. Not in a mean way, but just as a matter of fact. I don't really like to do that, but otherwise he won't go. Like "we can't go to the library until you use the potty" and I will stand in the bathroom with him and not let him leave the bathroom until he goes. Or "I will get your snack but we have to use the potty and wash hands first." I have to leverage him into doing it. So maybe if you give milk or food first thing, wait on that until she pees. That's what I would do, probably.
He is very stubborn and strong-willed.
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@MrsADS: We have the same kid.
We do those things, and they do work eventually, but tend to set kind of a negative tone for the morning. It's hard to break that cycle with her. But yeah, it might just be how it is for now.
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@mrs. turtle yeah... I feel your pain! Agree re: the negativity. Unfortunately just asking nicely doesn't work here, so I feel like I have to go to other tactics that I would ordinarily not prefer. You could also let her have a fruit snack if she goes and pees first thing when she wakes up to make a positive association? IDK. I don't really like doing that either, but with these types of kids you have to do what you have to do!
I figure they will outgrow it eventually and use the potty on their own.
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My easy going second child resists going first thing and changing out of her pull up too. Since her pull up is usually pretty wet in the morning anyway, I assume she doesn’t have to pee that bad (I think she pees in it right when she wakes up). So when she gets up the first thing we do is pick out underwear and throw out the pull up. She doesn’t have to go potty right away but she has to take the pull up off. After a few weeks of being consistent with it she doesn’t resist and usually will pee before we have to go somewhere.
But I totally get this won’t work with all kids- she’s the easy going one, my older is way more stubborn. And if she didn’t pee in the pull up already I’m sure there would be more accidents with this approach. I’d rather have her pee in the pull up before I get her in the morning than start with a fight.
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DS’s pull up is usually soaked in the morning so I also assume like someone else said that he doesn’t have to go right away. So we do breakfast and then potty right after, brush teeth, wash face and get dressed. We just decided when we wanted him to go and it goes in the same order so he now knows the routine. It took a few weeks to get him to go automatically but he does without much fight. We also do a m&m for days he’s resistant. We do the same at bed: pee first then Jammie’s and brush teeth. He loses a book if he really puts up a fight, which we’ve only had to do like once. I would choose the time you want her to go, then do a reward. After it becomes a little easier you can remove the reward. We have to remind him still a lot throughout the day to go and we are coming to almost a year of being trained.
eta: he has to take the pull up off before getting out of bed. He doesn’t like the feel of it though so that helps us.
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I have this problem with my almost four year old just about every morning. My daughter would hold her pee all night, and for many hours into the morning if left to her own devices rather than go potty when I suggest it. Drives me crazy!
I had a good thing going a while back where I could catch her in the hallway on her way downstairs to get her into the bathroom before she realized what was going on. When I could get her there quickly enough, she'd (fairly) agreeably go right away and then get dressed immediately afterward. Somehow that fell apart after we went on vacation recently, but I remember it working really well after the first couple weeks of getting in the routine...and I should probably aim for that again.
At this point, I usually resort to some kind of incentive to get her to go if she is initially resistant to the idea when she wakes up. Sadly, usually it's getting to watch a snippet of a Minnie Mouse show on my phone that does the trick. Some mornings, it's something silly like getting to choose where in the house she gets dressed if she goes to the bathroom right away (for some reason, getting dressed on the couch instead of in her room is enticing to her?!).
I have noticed over the last month, she is starting to put up less of a fight about going to the bathroom in general, and goes more often than not on the first ask in the morning. I think she is slooowly starting to connect that she feels better if she takes the time to go when she needs to. I'm really hoping this is the kind of thing she just gets better at with time.
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Have you tried pulling the nighttime diaper? My 3 year old kept peeing in her nighttime diaper months after she was day trained and because everyone kept saying to hold off on pulling it until she was dry for at least a week at night, I let her keeping wearing it. That also led to her just peeing in it in the mornings and refusing to pee or poop in the morning or night because she knew she could just hold off until wearing her diaper. Then one night, I just forgot to put a diaper on her. To my surprise (and relief!) she was totally dry and eagerly ran to use the bathroom in the morning. Since that accidental discovery, we’ve dropped the nighttime diaper and she’s had less power struggles with us to use the potty in the morning and night because she knows there is no diaper option. Just a thought but if you’re curious if your LO can handle no diaper at night, you could give it a shot and worst case scenario, you have an extra load of laundry in the morning. Good luck!
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We had this problem with our son. He had a pull-up on overnight because he was waking up wet, but we eventually figured out he was dry overnight and then peeing in the pull-up when he was awake but still in bed in the morning. We used a reward chart with a really big exciting toy to entice him to get up and go in the morning. He had to do 10 nights dry in a row to get the reward. We had to start the count over a few times, but by the time we got to 10 in a row it was a habit and we could switch to undies overnight.
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I have such bad PTSD over this subject. My son was a terorrist over potty training. What worked for us was having him pee outside in the morning. It was exciting and different. BUT it was summer and he was a boy. I will say he did eventually get over it and now he takes off his own overnight diaper on his own in the AM, pees, and chabges into underwear.
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@Mrs. Turtle: Any chance you can make it a race/competition? For my son, if I "race" him to get dressed, he will happily take off his pjs and pull up, throw it out, and put on his underwear and clothes as quickly as possible. A variation on it is to tell him "I bet you can't take off your pjs and pull up and put on your clothes in 20 seconds" and start loudly counting. One day he'll see through it and simply decline, but for now the thrill of "winning' means he doesn't even realize I've manipulated him into doing what I want him to do.
Good luck!
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@Foodnerd81: Hm, maybe I need to separate the removal of the pull up with the peeing on the potty. I might be able to get it off of her if I wasn't also trying to force her to pee if she wasn't ready.
@muffinsmuffins: You say he has to take off the pull up before he gets out of bed. How? Is he in a crib? O has been in a twin for over a year and comes out of her room into the living room on her own to announce that she's awake, so I don't really have leverage there.
@caitcat: I'm thinking I need to try catching her right when she gets up. It's just hard because she sleeps downstairs and we are upstairs and it takes a minute to get down the stairs when we hear her get up!
@castilrm: Interesting! I haven't tried this. She has been dry before, but not often and not recently. But I have often wondered if this is just because she knows she has a pull up on. I'm not even sure she realizes that eventually we don't sleep with pull ups on-she told me the other day that I should probably get my nighttime pull up on too.
@LBee: Haha, that would totally work for her if it weren't winter! She loved peeing in the grass over the summer.
@ChiCalGoBee: We do this. It works, sometimes. Definitely it is the most likely thing to work right now. Sometimes she flops on the floor and says she doesn't want to race, though. -
@Mrs. Turtle: DD has been potty trained for four months now, and she still doesn't like to go potty frequently. She usually only pees 3 or 4 times a day, which seems like way too little to me. BUT, no matter how much we pressure or bribe her, she won't go more often. I've decided that's just how her body is - she doesn't have accidents and hasn't had any UTI issues. We do ask frequently, but respect when she says she doesn't have to go.
In the mornings, we take off her pull up right away and ask if she has to go potty, but we don't make her go. I think she usually pees right when she wakes up. If she does wake up dry, she usually asks to go within 30 minutes or so.
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I had trouble with taking off the diaper as well. DS also never went to the bathroom in the morning. It seemed that when I did change it shortly after he got up that the diaper was warm.
One Friday night, I decided to go without and see if he was dry. I usually change sheets on Saturday morning anyway, so it wasn't a big deal if he went overnight. (DS never woke up when he had a diaper overflow.) DS was dry Saturday, Sunday, had a problem Monday (he didn't go right before bed), dry Tuesday, Wednesday and has been dry since.
DH is working nights currently and has heard DS get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night occasionally.
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@Mrs. Turtle: ha no he’s 4 and has been in a twin for almost 2 years I think. He’s a bit of an anomaly as he NEVER comes out of bed without us going in so that likely won’t work for you. But I basically sit at the end of his bed and have him stand up and take it off then we go to the kitchen together for breakfast (often I carry him and we snuggle because I’m a sucker ha)
I just pull his bottoms down a bit while he’s standing and rip the sides and pull it off so we don’t have to remove clothes or anything.
We do those things, and they do work eventually, but tend to set kind of a negative tone for the morning. It's hard to break that cycle with her. But yeah, it might just be how it is for now.
Good luck!
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