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@Mrs. Champagne: No downside in having sex??
How long since your D&C?@Zbug: I am only one week post D&C but as soon as I have the go ahead for sex, I'm in - already started temping.
@noelani: Right? What pisses me off the MOST right now is the judgmental empathy from people who I tell (I've told a few after the fact it happened) - I can see them calculating in their head like how pregnant I was has a direct correlation to the pain I feel. Like it's some graph and they're trying to figure out exactly how bad to feel for you. Oh you were "only" 8 weeks? Did you even have symptoms (someone asked yesterday)? F$(*%*#$ O#)(*%)#@(*)%
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@JoJoGirl: yep I've had a few, 'oh I had a friend who this happened to but hers was at 12 weeks' - as if that is somehow meant to make me feel better! Blah! I've just been laying low to avoid any further interactions like these
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@JoJoGirl: people are the worst. they just do not get it. I've even found that friends that have had miscarriages are not as understanding as I would have expected in the past.
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@Nutella: @runnerd: Right? I mean I do understand there is a grief "hierarchy" - losing a live baby/child -> stillbirth -> viable pregnancy -> "early" miscarriage. I'm not trying to say losing a pregnancy at 8 weeks just as hard as if I'd lost it at 32. But please don't dismiss early miscarriage as being nothing because seriously, F#$K off. If you can see a positive pregnancy test and feel completely even-keel and not the least bit excited, more power to you this won't affect you at all. As for the rest of us, stop judging how hard it is.
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I just found out I'm losing my baby last night, mind if I join in?
Date of loss: yesterday. No HB on ultrasound. Going to call to schedule a D&C today. Saw a viable healthy pregnancy at 7 weeks, apparently baby died sometime in week 8-9. I was supposed to be 11 weeks, 5 days.
How long are you waiting to TTC again: ASAP. We've been battling infertility for over 2 years, and this is our second loss. It took over 1 year 8 months to get pregnant after the first time, I hope to God it doesn't take that long again.
Any kids: no. I wish.
How are you feeling? Really effing pissed at the moment.
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@Crystal: I'm so sorry again, hon. I just posted a whole thing on your wall about my D&C experience. Our u/s was on a Friday and I couldn't get in until Wednesday. What's the soonest they can do it?
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@Crystal: again I'm so sorry to hear your news - I had seen your positive bfp news a while ago so was so happy for you, but totally gutted to see your update
I really hope you can get a doctor willing to do the d&c ASAP - I know I felt better in many ways once I was booked in and things were confirmed...sending lots of healing thoughts your way 
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@Nutella: thank you.
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@JoJoGirl: thank you, I'll go read it. Dr office doesn't open for another 3 hours. I've slept about 2 hours total this entire night, ugh.
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@Crystal: I'm so so sorry, my heart dropped seeing your post. *hugs*
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@JoJoGirl: my brother and SIL have had a long infertility battle and he put it well - it doesn't matter how far along you are, you are also mourning the loss of a future you daydreamed of and dared to allow yourself to start envisioning with this new life.
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I'm just saddened about how unfair all of this seems. And how many ladies this has affected, it's such an eye-opener. But I do get encouraged by how strong so many of the people are who come out the other side, so that's something.
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@runnerd: your BIL is so right. That's been one of the hardest parts... And so many people get it so easily and don't appreciate it.
@Nutella: I honestly don't know how some people have made it through, especially those with RPL, or who have fought through infertility for 3/4/5/6+ years.
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@Nutella: I empathize with you on same EDD. I have a good friend with exact EDD as me and then our other good friend (of the trio) is due two weeks later. We Ttc for over a year and this friend has gotten pregnant twice on her first tries. shes my friend but I'm sure you can all imagine what I said in my head!
We are actively Ttc. I am on my last day of clomid. I like that I can start to plan again, so that has made me feel better. Somewhat.
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@Crystal: I'm so pissed for you. Life sucks. I wish I could do more for you.
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@Crystal: I'm so sorry you're posting in this thread. Life is just so unfair.
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@Crystal: I don't either. I have a close friend who suffered IF for 3 years. First IVF failed. Second IVF was successful and lost it at 8 weeks (and fell apart - for months). Went on vacation to not think about it and got pregnant by accident. Just had her second baby - also unassisted. From the outside it seems like they have everything they want. Now I just can't imagine how she got through that loss. So horrible.
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@Crystal: I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
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@noelani: thanks. It's so hard hearing that people are preggo, right? I keep thinking it will be better when we conceive again. Hopefully.
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@Crystal: I'm so sorry. my thoughts are with you.
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@JoJoGirl: I didn't have a d&c! Just used misoprostol. That was 2.5 weeks ago that everything passed.
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@Mrs. Champagne: Oh right! I wonder if you ovulate sooner that way.
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This thread makes me so sad. We have been ttc after our two losses last year - both longed for IVF babies, one lost at 11 weeks & one at 6 weeks. Because of our infertility issues, we can't get pregnant on our own - so have had the added sting of saving and going through IVF cycles since, none of which have worked.
So, we are ttc - but in our own way.
Love to the ladies here, especially those with fresh losses. You are strong.
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@JoJoGirl: @Nutella: @runnerd: The grief calculations are so INSANELY hurtful! All of our stories and circumstances are unique - and uniquely painful - but the end result is that we are all grieving for a lost child and are having to accept a future that will be very different than what we'd hoped for.
I think people do those calculations (and yes, you can TOTALLY see them doing the math in their heads!) as a means of protecting themselves?? No one wants to be uncomfortable, to actually contemplate the significance of these losses, so I think it's just easier to find a justification for downplaying it in their minds.
@Crystal: I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your post was the first thing I saw this morning and I just closed my computer and cried. I went back a few hours later and saw the updates about your doctor's office and I'm just so angry on your behalf. I had been following your story and this is so devastatingly unfair - I wish there was something any of us could do but I'm holding you and your family in my thoughts.
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@noelani: thank you so much for the support
@jaguar: you are strong, friend. You've been to hell and back.
I'm waiting to go into the OR now. I'm so thankful, but so so sad. The dr said I could TTC after one cycle, two if I wanted to be extra safe.
I am starving and so thirsty. I haven't had any food since noon yesterday and nothing to drink since late last night. Weird that would make itself known when there are so many other things going on.
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@Zbug: thank you.
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@Crystal: I found the fasting to be the worst part of it all, physically. Nithing like insane hunger & thirst to top off what you're feeling! Not long now though.
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@jaguar: that picture is so sweet. I just know your rainbow baby is coming, I don't know why some people get tested so much...it's such a hard and heartbreaking concept to wrap my head around, but I think you are so strong! And clearly supported & loved by your 'village', so hopefully that continues to keep you going! X
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@Crystal: just wanted to see how you are going? Hope the recovery at home is going along ok as can be.
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@Nutella: I'm doing very well, thank you so much for checking in. Better than I expected to. Resting at home, and DH is taking stelae care of me. I hope that my emotional recovery happens as smoothly.
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@noelani: I'm sorry you had to go through TFMR. I also went through this in December at 22w. Worst experience of my life and one I never have to go through again. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for all your losses. I just saw this board and would like to join in. There is such a wonderful support system here at HB. I hope you all have a healthy baby soon.
Date of loss: Dec 19th. TFMR at 22w due to 45XO (Turner's).
How long are you waiting to TTC again: we were told to wait 3 cycles and now are on cycle 6 after the waiting period. I have gotten pregnant quickly before so I am getting frustrated now.
Any kids: DD turned 2 yesterday.
How are you feeling? Time is healing the ache in my heart for the little girl I loss. However, I'm getting more and more anxious about getting pregnant again. I wanted to have our kids close together and our gap keeps spreading. We spread our daughter's ashes this week at the cottage alongside her Grandpa's and I feel it gave me some closure. I still cry a lot and wonder "what if?" I am very thankful for my DD who makes me smile every day. Sometimes I wonder if I was only meant to have one child. Sorry for the rambles! -
@delight: I'm so sorry to hear your story, sorry for your loss
while it was probably heartbreaking, I think scattering your daughter's ashes was also probably a big step towards healing for you...I really hope time continues to help ease the pain.
I agree, it's such an amazing g support here - lots of strong ladies who have been through so much!@Crystal: I'm so glad to hear it - hope you get to treat yourself to something nice this week...I did little things like walks to get a nice coffee out etc, flowers, and it seemed to help shift the focus onto the present.
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@delight: I can't imagine what you've been through
I was so excited to have a 20 month gap when I got pregnant with #2 even though it was a few months sooner than we had planned, so that has been one of the hardest parts of the loss - knowing it will likely be months before we try again, then months after that to conceive, then what if it's another loss...
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@Crystal: glad things went well!
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I'm doing a bad job of keeping up with this thread - hugs to everyone who has chimed in recently!! I want to respond to things sooner but am a little mentally drained and slow to get to it.
I took medicine to start the miscarriage process, and passed what I think was everything on Wed night, spotting continues, hope not for too long (I spotted for 3 months after my D&C the first time around). I go back to doctor to confirm everything passed on Wed.
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@runnerd: our gap was going to be 20 months too and I was so happy even though it was an accidental pregnancy. Now we are looking at more of a 3 year gap. I know it's out of my hands but it still makes me so sad. I also am so sad that we lost a little girl because two little sisters would have been awesome. I hope you're feeling ok. So sorry for your loss
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I meant to say "stellar" care above, stupid autocorrect.
@delight: I know I've said it before, but I am so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine the pain you've felt and think you are so incredibly strong.
@runnerd: I know you had a really crazy experience with your D&C, I can't believe it took 3 months! I hope the worst of this round is over for you.
We started trying for kids when I was 27. I'll be 30 on Tuesday. I had hoped to be on our second by now... We always wanted a big family, and now I'm unsure if we will be able to have a family at all... I can't tell if it's better or worse to have another LO to comfort you at home. I'm so at a loss at what to do at this point, and just heartbroken over what could have been but isn't.
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@runnerd: I know what you mean about the age gap. I had always just sort of randomly thought a 2 year age gap seemed good. My daughter is about to turn 2 next month with no baby sibling on the horizon. I know it doesn't matter, and I know we're so lucky to have our DD, but I did have to mourn the loss of my "ideal" family.
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Understand about the gap. My first loss, Noah, was due when my daughter was going to be 2. A 2 year age gap - it was my dream come true. My second loss was due when she was 2.3, which was just as good. Now? Georgia is 2.5years old and I'm not even pregnant... so my dream of giving her a sibling close in age is pretty much ruined. Now I'm more scared that I won't be able to give her a sibling at all, and that breaks my heart.
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I'm trying not to get too caught up with the widening age gap. For awhile, I felt myself getting more and more anxious with each month that passed and I wasn't pregnant. My son just turned 3 and I'm not pregnant yet and if things had gone as planned, I'd be about to deliver right about now. I keep reminding myself that growing up I was and still am just as close with my sibling who is 15 months older than me as I am with the ones who are 3 and 4 years younger than me (there are 4 of us and we are all equally close). There are some things you just can't control.
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@Shantuck: thanks for the reminder to put it in perspective!
my siblings are MUCH older than me so I don't want that for my son, but I have to remind myself that 2-4 year age gaps are much different than 9-15 year ones 
It's definitely my biggest hang up right now though for anxiety.
How long since your D&C?
I really hope you can get a doctor willing to do the d&c ASAP - I know I felt better in many ways once I was booked in and things were confirmed...sending lots of healing thoughts your way 
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