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So I know we all have differing levels of loss on this board, but do any of you have a plan for TTC or next time you are pregnant?
I'm planning to keep focusing on losing the last 5-10lbs of baby weight from #1, and just eat healthier in general while waiting on my cycles to return, and train for a fall half marathon. And cut back on beer and coffee (my two fave vices). Maybe it won't make a difference, but at least those will be things to feel like I'm taking action.
Also, my doc said since I've had two losses, and 3 common issues that could cause multiple losses (besides bad luck with chromosomes) are blood clotting issues and progesterone, next BFP, I'm going to start progesterone, baby aspirin, and vitamin B immediately. There's a good chance it's not related to any of things, but I love the idea of doing all I can.
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@runnerd: I just saw yesterday that you're in this boat again.
Hugs to all of you beautiful, strong ladies. I had two losses before LO, both super early, but they shattered me. I hope you all get your rainbow babies soon
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@runnerd: I had really good luck with progesterone and baby aspirin. I agree, doing what you can made me feel better!!
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@runnerd: I don't know if I'll do anything too differently, it's weird this last pregnancy I was really 'good' and didn't have any coffee or decaf (had been weaning myself off decaf as was starting to rely on it in the mornings-strange), only drinking green tea in th mornings, had started a bit of acupuncture (that helped our first time TTC) & completely avoided alcohol. This last one bugs me heaps, because first pregnancy I definitely wasn't avoiding alcohol in our pre-conception months, but this time I did!
So aside from questioning whether I should jump back into enjoying beverages or not, I am taking folic acid + iodine supplements, along with iron and zinc. So that's something that will be helpful I hope
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We'll be on epic progesterone + baby aspirin if we get pregnant again - but our losses were both chromosomal, so those are precautions only. Just have to hope for a shot!
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@delight: I really appreciated finding stories on HB of other people who had experienced TFMR when we were going through it. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and I hate that any of us have had to make such a devastating choice, but no one we know IRL could relate so there was comfort in knowing we weren't completely alone. I've been completely overwhelmed by how all-consuming the grief has been. Throughout the diagnosis and the medical monitoring I tried to be so rational, even once it became clear there was no hope (we thought for a month that the prognosis was good but the cyst just grew out of control). The procedure was a little over three months ago and I still have really bad days. I really struggle with the fact that I had to give my consent to the procedure - my baby was not viable, and my doctor was clear that progressing with the pregnancy would have meant unnecessary suffering for him, but I daily relive signing the consent form before the injection. (I also think about the L&D every day, but while painful there's some beauty and comfort in those memories).
I totally hear everyone on the age gap induced anxiety - I'm 36 yrs old and DS is 2 1/2 - the clock is ticking. Additionally DH has a form of muscular dystrophy that affects his life expectancy. I feel a lot of pressure to make sure DS has a sibling and that DH gets the full family/fatherhood experience he's hoped for. I feel like I've let them down and I'm so pissed at my body!
@runnerd: My plan for TTC this time includes acupuncture fertility treatments over the next few months before we start trying again in November. I don't know how much faith I have in the treatments to help achieve a BFP but I figure they can't hurt - my acupuncturist has become a good friend and at the very least the treatments are relaxing. And pineapple core! Again, I don't know if I really believe it works but I ate pineapple core in the weeks before both of my BFPs so I don't think it hurts.
As for losing the pregnancy weight, this is a source of major frustration! After DS, I didn't mind the pregnancy weight and it just came off on its own (over about a year, I'm certainly not one of those magical ladies who lose the pregnancy weight right away, nor am I, um, "athletic" in *any* sense of the word
). This time, the remaining pregnancy weight is such a painful reminder - my clothes don't fit right and it's just this extra punch in the face every morning. I'd like to lose these hurtful 10lbs before TTC, but I've been watching what I'm eating and trying to be more active than I ever have in my LIFE and the scale won't budge.
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Oh my goodness, I didn't realize I was writing a novel up there...
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@noelani: I fully think that acupuncture supports the whole TTC journey & the relaxation / acubliss if you manage to get there is pretty great. Especially if you are stressed or anxious in daily life, which sadly is the case for lots of us
I hear you on the pp weight loss (or lack of). After my LO was born, it took lots of hard work of diet & exercise to return to pre-baby weight but body had changed, and that number didn't really equate to my old figure haha. And haven't been able to budge since then. Despite walking lots. However, thinking about it, I definitely am not so careful with my sweet treats now & tend to turn to chocolate when times get rough
so, what I'm trying to say is I feel your pain. But I've just started the gym again & it has been amazing feeling endorphins again. Thanks to BFing & pregnancy, you sometimes feel like your body is its own entity, so it's nice to get it back for a while.
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@runnerd: why baby aspirin and vitamin b?
I was taking baby aspirin for months, but stopped after O during My BFP cycle. I can't decide what to do moving forward...
@Nutella: I totally understand. Before my first BFP, I wasn't avoiding anything. After losing that one as I got more and more desperate for a baby, I gave up everything. I've tried it all... Now that I've lost my second one, I don't think either approach was healthy and will work to strike more of a balance.
@jaguar: my new dr said he discusses P with everyone that gets a BFP as a precaution. I believe I need it and will be requesting it the second I see a second line again.
As for me, I'm going to continue working on losing weight. For a long time, I was depressed and punishing my body, and had gained some weight. I lost 20lbs before this last BFP, and while we have no reason to believe it's a hurdle to getting our BFP, it certainly can't hurt.
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I hear everyone on the weight loss! I lost baby weight fairly quickly after I had my DD, but the weight I gained during the first few weeks of the pregnancy I lost, and then in the weeks of ice cream eating after my loss have not budged at all!
I think part of it is I feel angry and resentful about gaining weight on top of everything else. And it's not even 'baby weight' because I didn't even get a baby out of it. I guess right now part of me thinks "Well, hopefully I'll get pregnant again soon, so what's the point?"
I'm going to start using ovulation tests for the first time this month because my cycle has been a little wonky and it makes me feel like I'm doing something besides just waiting.
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@Crystal: my doctor said that the two most common types of blood clotting disorders - one is helped by taking a baby aspirin, and the other is helping by extra Vitamin B, so since those aren't harmful, I could take them as a precaution instead of doing the expensive bloodwork analysis if I didn't want to go that route.
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@noelani: I'm glad you found some comfort in our stories. There aren't too many of us here who have TFMR. I was fortunate to connect with a girl down my street who went through the same experience as me and she has helped me tremendously. I'm 8 months out and while DH and I are comfortable with our decision, I still feel so sad that we had to experience this and my heart aches for our little girl. I remember how right before my D&E I could feel her moving so much and I have nightmares about it. I pray that you and I and everyone else here gets their rainbow baby soon.
As for the weight loss I'm having such a hard time. I chalk it up to the sorrow but I am still 10lbscaway from my prepregnancy weight. I'm trying to exercise and eat well but it seems like a losing battle. I can echo @myonlysunshine: I also feel like "what's the point?" if I'm going to get pregnant soon. Although it would be nice to shed a few before then. My only saving grace is that for my other pregnancies I lost 10 pounds in the first three months with MS!
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@catomd00: i feel like i could have just copied and pasted your post here...
my heart goes out to all of you!
Date of loss: late April, natural m/c at 5.5 weeks. surprise pregnancy that was not meant to be.
How long are you waiting to TTC again: our original plan was this fall and we're sticking to it. i'm just a bit more nervous about it than i was previously and somehow i feel like all of my excitement about it has been zapped.
Any kids: 1, 20 months
How are you feeling? I feel stupid for mourning my loss because it was unplanned and happened so quickly. and yet, it was just a huge cruel joke to have this shocking surprise, take a few days to get excited about it, let it all sink in and start to feel real, and then have it ripped away, all in a few weeks' time. i feel scared of going through it again, but mostly i feel dread thinking about being pregnant again and not letting myself get excited about it. i can't say i truly enjoyed the 1st tri the first time around, but i feel like next time it's going to be complete torture.
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@Pirouette: I don't think you should feel stupid for mourning the loss. Planned or unplanned- we all loss the potential future we envisioned!
Waiting for ovulation, which should be this week. I change my mind hourly if we should go for it or not. Before work today, I told DH, let's wait til Jan. then by dinner I told him we had to get on BD because it was almost go time! Lol. He doesn't know what to think!
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@Pirouette: don't feel stupid. A loss is a loss.
@LibbyLou: You took clomid this month, right? FX this is it for you! I can completely understand about going back and forth on trying, I did that the last time, and probably will this time too.
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@LibbyLou: @Crystal: thanks guys. i know that to be true, it's just sometimes hard to convince myself it is.
@LibbyLou: haha that's how i felt about ttc when i ovulated the first time around
we ended up going for it and she's pretty darn cute. it's ok not to be 100% sure!
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Ladies, I need to vent and am wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.
I had a d&c the end of June. I'm not sure ovulated before my first "period," but I was feeling pretty hopeful this cycle. I'm 9dpo and just started AF. I'm extremely frustrated. Obviously, I hoped for a bfp this time around, but it's been two months since the d&c, and my luteal phase is only 8 days!? I'm still BFing my LO and did take vitex to get pregnant back in May, but my acupuncturist has me on vitex again, and I'm now only nursing 2-3 times a day (vs 4-5 when I got preggo before). I'm just really sad and frustrated. Has anyone else had a problem with a short luteal phase after d&c?
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@Zbug: sorry, no relevant experience (yet - still waiting for first cycle post d&c), but hopefully someone else here has an answer for you! I do know that my cycles were a bit wonky while I was BFing, I only started tracking a few of them before LO weaned but the overall trend was the length of cycle got shorter (but LP stayed same). Hope you get some answers!
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@Nutella: thanks
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My lp was a little short (likely due to BFing) when I started tracking in January, which is why I started vitex. It kept getting longer though, and obviously became long enough for me to conceive. It's just frustrating that we are nursing less than ever, but my lp is shorter than ever. Ugh. -
@Zbug: no experience with short LP, but just curious how you're tracking ovulation?
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@sslm: opks and cervical mucus. I'm going to start temping, I think, but just tracking cm has worked in the past (I was trying not to drive myself too crazy).
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@Zbug: Ugh. So frustrating. I was just wondering if maybe you ovulated earlier than usual, but if you were using OPKs that seems unlikely. Unless you didn't catch the beginning of your surge? Anyway, I'm sorry you're dealing with that
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i haven't been on hb much, because it's been tough and i feel like not many threads fit my situation...but this one is pretty close..
Date of loss: may 1 at 41 weeks. i found out at 3 months that the baby's skull was underdeveloped and would have no chance of survival. the doctors didn't expect the baby even make it full term, but he did, and survived delivery and was alive for 11.5 hours.
How long are you waiting to TTC again: we already started and are on cycle 3. while i was grieving through pregnancy, i didn't know if i could go through this again. but as soon as i delivered my baby, i knew it was all worth it, even if only to spend a few hours with him.
Any kids: none
How are you feeling? trying to be optimistic but having a hard time. still have period of difficult grieving. it took us 4 years to get pregnant. we went through all the standard fertility testing and everything's normal with both of us. we tried herbal medicine and also clomid and IUI, and it just didn't happen. when we finally got our first and only BFP (natural) after four years, we were cautiously optimistic. and then we got the horrible news. now i'm afraid it will take another 4 years. or if we do get pregnant, something else will happen. i don't think if i get pregnant again, it will ever be fully joyful because i will always be afraid something will go wrong. it's been really rough. and in the meantime, like others have said, the leftover pregnancy weight is a constant reminder of what i don't have. i hate exercising, but have been trying to exercise in hopes that if my body is in better shape, at least i'll feel better.
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@sslm: thanks lady. Yeah I was using clearblue easy and went from negative to two flashing smileys to solid, so I doubt I missed the surge. Hoping it's just a fluke.
@everbee: I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine going through all of that. You're an incredibly strong woman.
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@Zbug: I actually had the same thing happen. Had a natural miscarriage in June and got my period 8 days after I ovulated in that cycle after the miscarriage. I assumed that it was a fluke due to off hormone levels. Tried again this past cycle (first real cycle after the miscarriage) and even felt what I thought was implantation cramps. Then my period came with another 8 day luteal phase. Maybe this is normal? Ugh. I just started vitex yesterday to see if I can help straighten things out for this cycle.
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@everbee: I'm so sorry for your loss. You have been through such an unbelievable loss and my heart goes out to you.
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@everbee: I am so deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. My heart just stopped reading your story and I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. You have been through so much, it's just so unfair. I wish there was something I could do to make this process easier.
My loss was also in May, and your description of "periods of difficult grieving" really resonates. And I think it's common after any loss to be much more anxious and guarded when contemplating TTC/future pregnancies. I haven't been a very active participant on HB in the past but have found when I do venture onto the boards that people are incredibly understanding and supportive (in a way that sometimes friends in real life just aren't able to be).
I'm glad you were able to spend time with your son. Our circumstances were very different but I spent time with my baby after delivery (stillbirth after TFMR) and I treasure those memories. You and your family will be in my thoughts
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@Shantuck: ugh. Way too familiar. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this. I've been on vitex so we will see. My dr ordered progesterone bloodwork for next cycle, but I'm afraid that will probably mean another unsuccessful cycle waiting to figure out the problem.
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@Zbug: did you take vitex this cycle? I hope it's a weird fluke and your body goes back to normal.
@everbee: I am so sorry for your loss. I haven't carried any children to term, but I have had experience with unexplained infertility. We've been trying for 2.5 years with 2 BFPs that ended in losses. I completely understand the fear of how long will it take, coupled with the pain and expense of ongoing fertility treatments. We're all here for you.
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@everbee: I'm so sorry for your loss, your story brought tears to my eyes - I hope you know how strong you are!
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@everbee: I was on the April board with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I thought you were so courageous and am so glad you got to hold your little boy. What a fighter he was. I wish you all the best while you TTC.
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@zbug @shantuck @ nutella thank you
@noelani while i went through the pregnancy knowing that he wouldn't survive, i didn't think i wanted to go through all of this again. but the moment i held him, my perspective changed. all the pain i went through was worth it for that time.
@crystal i'm at the point (after 2 years) where i don't want to do anymore fertility treatment. i just feel like they checked everything and nothing was wrong. i feel like it just must not be God's timing for me. if they found anything wrong with either of us, i feel like that would be a different story. but i just have this gut feeling that if we went through IVF or something, it wouldn't stick either. i hope we can have sticky (and alive) babies together soon.
@delight yea we think our little boy was a fighter. we originaly chose the name michael for him because michael is one of the named angels in the bible, and he's our angel. but michael the angel also led God's armies into battle, and we believe our little michael was also a fighter. -
@Crystal: I did. I was actually taking vitex when we conceived, bc my luteal phase was short likely due to breastfeeding. It was normal before LO. I stopped it for a couple of weeks after the d&c, and then my acupuncturist suggested I start up again. My bleeding is also really heavy again. I had hoped that things would be back to normal by now or that I'd be preggo. Hopefully next month...
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Hi all - I have SO much to catch up on. Was on vacation all last week and didn't sign on HB a single time.. feel a bit recharged after a night away without LO and a LOT of wine and good cheese.
My appointment with the midwife to check HCG levels is this Friday. I've mostly stopped bleeding. Ready to just put all this behind me.
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@JoJoGirl: welcome back - glad your holiday went well! Wine and good cheese sounds perfect. Hope the energy levels are starting to pick up again too?
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@Nutella: Hard to say since we had 12 family members (and our toddler) squeezed into a 4 br house - haha. So I'm exhausted from vacation! Need to get my eating and exercise back on track this week and then we'll see. I conceived in June during a Paleo eating challenge (no dairy/sugar/bread/grains/alcohol) so I'm wondering if that helped us get pregnant so quickly. I've been binging on bread, cheese, and wine non-stop since our ultrasound 2.5 weeks ago and I really need to pull it together now, for myself and for conception.
Am I supposed to be using protection now? I know they said to 'wait a cycle to start TTC' but what happens before I get my first period?
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@JoJoGirl: I have also been eating lots of junk - mostly sweets and chocolates, like it's going out of fashion - must stop! Think the extra exercise is making it worse as I'm just hungrier!
Not sure about protection ore-cycle - our ob just said wait to after the period arrives is the all clear. And I was too out of it to really question it
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@Nutella: I know, right? Like that was the last thing on my mind at the moment. I just don't want to accidentally have a CP or something because my body is all screwed up.
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@JoJoGirl: yep I hear ya! I also recall him saying pads not tampons due to risk of infection. Blah!
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@Nutella: Yes THAT i remember. My doc called it the "nothing in the vagina rule". Haha.
). This time, the remaining pregnancy weight is such a painful reminder - my clothes don't fit right and it's just this extra punch in the face every morning. I'd like to lose these hurtful 10lbs before TTC, but I've been watching what I'm eating and trying to be more active than I ever have in my LIFE and the scale won't budge.
so, what I'm trying to say is I feel your pain. But I've just started the gym again & it has been amazing feeling endorphins again. Thanks to BFing & pregnancy, you sometimes feel like your body is its own entity, so it's nice to get it back for a while.
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