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I understand what you're going through. I got my BFP on August 15th, my first month off of birth control. I didn't quite believe it because it seemed too easy. I had my miscarriage on October 12th, my mom's birthday. It was one of the most awful things to experience and one that I don't really want to again.

I have PCOS so getting pregnant again will be a challenge and while I have taken steps to naturally get my hormones under control, I too fear it may never happen again. But it will and when it does we will be great moms! We just have to keep our heads up and our hearts open.

@MrsCastro: I found out I was pregnant in August. I went for my first ultrasound in October at rd 9 weeks. There was no heartbeat and the sac measured 6 weeks 2 days. I had to wait a week to see if there was any growth. Easily the longest week of my life. There was no change, so the Friday before Halloween I had a D&C.
After we knew there was no hope I had one day of being angry. Pissed at the world, pissed at God, pissed at myself, everything. After that I had a week of pure sadness, crying every day. The following week was embarrassment as we had to go back and tell our families about the loss.

I didn't get my period back for 10 freaking weeks after my D&C. This is our first month being able to try again, and tomorrow starts my TWW.

I know how tough it is, and I hate that you feel that way. I know I will be in the same boat if this isn't our month. Seems crazy we have been TTC for 9 months already. We could have a baby right now! Its not your fault. There was nothing you could have done better or different to change what happened. You are not at fault here. Just remember that.

The sticky baby you get is going to be your dream baby. Perfect in every way for you. I fulily believe that for you and for myself.

You are strong, smart, caring and will make an amazing mama. The time just wasn't right.

Here's hoping we get to join the September mamas board!

I'm so sorry again for your loss. My miscarriage was definitely the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, and I still haven't fully healed yet. It took 10 weeks for me to get my period after mc'ing at 8ish weeks (after seeing a HB on the u/s a week and a half before). We started trying right now and were successful on our third try. I'm 28 weeks now so I think it's a sticky baby!

TTC after miscarrying is so hard and so emotional. Everything you're feeling is normal. As hard as it is, all you can really do is try to be patient. I also saw a therapist a few times and that helped.

@MrsCastro: *hugs*

I got my bfp august 19th (my birthday)... I was 5 days late and never even thought 2 lines would appear. About a week later I stayed spotting so my midwife had me come in for an ultrasound... which turned into the worst day ever. All they saw was a gestational sac (no yolk sac)... measuring 4 weeks and I was 6 weeks. They kept telling me my dates were off but I knew this wasn't true. I was sent home to wait and see what happened. The spring continued... some days worse than others. Then at 7w4d I felt like someone socked me in the uterus. I was at menards. Doubled over. And then the pain was gone. I told dh we needed to leave. I wanted to be home. And then it happened. It was september 8th.
And I feel exactly like you do. It's the most depressing feeling. Nobody I know can relate. Nobody understands the sadness my heart feels everyday. I know our baby is up in heaven being rocked by my grandma but I want to be the one rocking him/her. Our due date was April 23. I'll never forget that day for as long as I live. And I'm gonna be honest, I never thought a miscarriage could be so hard. I mean, I was only 7 weeks... I wasn't 12 or 16 or 38 weeks... but I was connected to our baby. I was planning our future as parents. I was planning our baby's future. And now it's gone. I can't explain it. Luckily I found hb and have been able to talk with girls that have experienced the same pain and sadness and I have/do. And it helps me deep down. I cry a lot. My heart cries a lot. And I want nothing more than to be a mommy and to make dh a daddy.
I'm always here for you. Feel free to email me so we can talk.
God will make you a mommy. I know in my heart. But that doesn't make the wait any easier. And I don't know how to make it any easier either.

@MrsCastro: thank you to this thread! I think it's a great place for us to talk about things that are bugging us.

We are still trying after losing our daughter at 20 weeks. I went in to my appointment and we couldn't find a heartbeat. We had made it past all the 'typical' scary times and were planning showers and registries when we had to stop all of that and our world was forever changed.

We lost our daughter in march 2012. We started trying again in June 2012 and we have passed our due date, 'first events' that we were going to do, and I'm now at the time where I used to be pregnant. I've been ticked off at the world, calm, angry, violent, sad, and everything in between. This month I told my husband I'm working out (and really going to follow through with it) and seeing that makes a different for us. Sigh. Sometimes I'm cool with the fact that we still have 'our' time together, but it's just that we are ready for our family's future.

However, I do know that our love knows no end. My DH is so sweet and upbeat. He has been my rock and I don't what I would do without him.

Another person just trying to lend some support. I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how far along you are...a miscarriage when you want a baby so badly is hard at any point in time.

We had been trying for 8 very long months. When I got my BFP in May, I was so incredibly excited. We went to the first appointment at 8 weeks, and the heartbeat was very weak. My doc told me it was inevitable, but I didn't want to believe it. I was checked again a week later to confirm there was no heartbeat. I had my D&C on June 1st of that year. The hardest day of my life.

We waited the summer before starting to try again, and got another BFP in November. A week later, I started bleeding heavily and miscarried again. I was devastated. I thought there was no way that my body was going to let me have a baby and just kept blaming myself. My DH was amazing through all of this, and we made an appointment for fertility testing in February.

In the meantime, I had waited a cycle and we started trying again as a last ditch effort. I got my 3rd BFP in the middle of January and had my first appointment this past February right before my fertility testing appointment was scheduled. It was by far one of the most stressful days of my life waiting to see if we had a strong heartbeat. Over 2 years since we originally started trying and a year after I got my 3rd BFP, I have my beautiful 16 week old baby boy. He's our little miracle.

In between all of that, there was so much heartache that both my DH and I had, and it seemed as if everyone I knew was pregnant and shoving it in my face. It's ok to be angry, sad and anxious. If you ever need to talk about it, let me know. I feel like I had no one to talk to except for my DH, and it was so hard for people who hadn't been through it to understand. Here's praying you have your healthy baby in no time.

@runnerd: Hugs. I know it's tough. Trust me, you are in the hardest part of it right now. It does and will get better very soon. Once everything is cleared out, you will have a few weeks of rest and then you'll be able to try again. I got KU my first cycle after all of that, I haven't went for my first US yet, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Don't expect your cycles to be normal right off the batt, that was very frustrating for me. Most miscarriages are flukes, so it doesn't mean that you can't carry a baby. You will make it through this. Promise.

@MrsCastro: thanks for starting this thread. I'm at work right now but will make sure to post a longer reply tonight. I hope all of us who are waiting get our rainbow babies soon and I'd love a to be a part of this thread.

@runnerd: lots of hugs lady. I know it is hard but I would just try and get through this next little bit without worrying to much about future cycles. What will happen with that will happen when it does and you can deal with it then. Worrying about that stuff won't help with the grief you are feeling and getting through the miscarriage portion, which is hard enough.

I'll be thinking of you. Please keep us updated.

@runnerd: I understand. Except for venting or asking questions about my d&c etc I took a break from HB for a couple weeks. I couldn't even comment on the what's for dinner type posts. *hugs* fx they call you back soon.

@runnerd: Absolutely understand. And to be honest, I felt like I was going crazy with the amount of pregnant women around me at the time too. I felt like everyone was shoving it right in my face. I was on WeddingBee at the time and just tried to avoid all of the baby posts and focused more on talking about what was bothering me. I was so glad to have the support of others b/c it always seems like it's taboo for people to talk about in the outside world.

And I'm mentally willing your Dr's office to call you back with an appointment time so you at least know when you're able to put this behind you and focus on your next chapter. That was huge for me!

@Meridian: So sorry for your loss!! I know when I miscarried, all I wanted was to be pregnant again. Not to replace our baby but to help me heal.

@whatsarahsaid: good luck this month!! time is moving like molasses for me right now!

@Meridian: I thought i wanted to start back immediately but I am having a little anxiety about it now.

Got my D&C scheduled for Friday morning. Scared to death but excited for the relief and fresh start it will bring.

@runnerd: I'm glad that you were able to schedule it for Friday morning so that you have the weekend to recover!!

I scheduled mine for a Friday as well, and it happened to be a 3 day weekend, so DH and I were really, really grateful to have that time to just be with each other and grieve. Recovering from the procedure was easy... I felt fine the next day. It's the emotional recovery that's so much harder. Sending you good vibes!!

A friend of mine just posted a link to a free teleseminar on coping with pregnancy loss, thought some of you might be interested. Not sure if I'm going to sign up or not, but I'm thinking about it.

Bump.

Thank you ladies for this thread. I posted one earlier, before I found this one. I miscarried on Thursday, and it is so nice to know that we're not alone!

@Jennimac: Thank you!! I've been reading lots of PP, and while I am so sorry for all of your previous losses, I am so glad to know that we're not all alone.

TTC again scares me to death. I know that just because I lost one doesn't mean that I will lose another, but I am just so afraid that it will happen again. I go for a follow-up on April 29, and they took a lot of bloodwork last week, so hopefully we can get some answers moving forward. I know it's irrational, but man, this fear is very strong.

Mind if I vent a bit? I had a scare yesterday where I spiked a fever and had intense cramps...I was really scared that I had a uterine infection. It turns out that I have some sort of stomach bug going around, which is good, but I did feel pretty foolish high-tailing it to the doctor's yesterday. They were amazing, but it was still hard.

I had a pretty good heart to heart with the doctor yesterday, and another one with DH last night. I've just been so all over the place the last few days, and I can't decide if I feel worse when I'm down, or when I'm not actively upset, because then I feel guilty for not being so. It's such a vicious cycle.

My doctor told me yesterday that I need to be gentle with myself. I'm only 6 days passed my miscarriage, and that is still so early. In a way, it's a hard place to be in, though. I don't have many physical symptoms anymore, so it should be over, right? But I know that it's not. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that just because the symptoms are gone doesn't make this any less "real." It's real, and the fact that it was early doesn't make it any less real, or any less painful. Gentleness and patience with myself is not my strong suite, but beating myself up is not going to help anything. So I need to accept that I am enough, right where I am. Too bad that's way easier said than done. Am I brave enough for this?