Hellobee Boards

I think a big part of this depends on where you work. I'm currently at a firm with a lot of female partners (3 out of 5) and parents, in general. Out of the 3 partners, only 1 is married with kids but she is very vocal about work/life balance, especially with a family. However, I've worked at two other firms that were very male-dominant and not the same way.

I will always have longer hours. That's just the nature of the profession. I've been married almost 3 years, will be 30 this year and have been practicing for almost 5 years. For me, I did not want to start a family until I was at a point in my career where I had proved my worth. I wanted to be a valuable enough employee so my employer would have any doubts as to be abilities post-baby.

I don't know what your profession is but, for me, I will always work. I do, however, have options for a better work/life balance down the road. As much as I love my current firm, the billing is tough. I don't think plaintiff's work is cut out for me but I could go in-house to avoid the billing issue. There are also alternative legal jobs that have better work hours as well.

I'm a lawyer too and currently pregnant but haven't told my work yet. We shall see how it all plays out.

I'm planning to cut out about a 100 billable hours next year and take maternity leave- thankfully my coworkers are good people and I know they won't screw me over.

@SupernovaJ: I see what you mean about having to prove your worth but, again it may depend on the industry, it's not always enough. I know lawyers right now are almost a dime a dozen. There are a ton of people who could replace me. So I need my employer to know that I'm a valuable employee and provide a benefit to the firm. Interview/resume smarts just aren't enough. I need to show the hands on part too.

@dc yoga bee: I've been at a couple firms now... My last one was terrible and although we were ready to TTC within 6 months (would have been last summer or so?), I knew I either needed to change jobs or stay there until post-baby. I was also fearful that any future firm would be just as bad. I seriously lucked out with my current firm though. My last firm offered no maternity benefits aside from the state requirement which is something pathetic like $160/week. My current firm has tiered maternity leave. <1 year service is nothing, I believe. So I knew I had to wait long enough to give birth after a year. I also wanted to be here long enough, again, to "prove my worth." We started TTC/weaned off BC in December. I was here one year as of February. Maternity benefits also change after 2 years of work. Based on our current TTC path, I will give birth after 2 years which is awesome. But, long story short, ideally I wanted to be here 1 1/2 years before needing to be at a point where I had to tell work I was pregnant. Regardless of how long you've been with a particular employer, personally I think that's a good period of time. I don't think I'd be able to start a job and have to tell them in a couple months that I was pregnant.

@LindsayInNY: thanks for sharing! I think that's another reason I'm okay with waiting until Next June to try as my year anniversary at work will be January. That way I will have been there 1.5yrs at the earliest if we magically get pregnant June 2014. It'll be hard to wait a whole additional year from now though! We had said the earliest we would try would be November. That way I wouldn't need to tell the employer until after I had been there a year if it magically happened in November. I really appreciate your insight and hope you get your bfp soon!

@SupernovaJ: I'm in kind of a similar situation, My work environment means that most people in my office will work a ten to twelve hour work day. I used to do it and not mind it. Ultimately, after having a baby, I think it requires give and take on both sides, and you also have to personally decide where to draw the line on your work-life balance.

Realistically, now that I am back, I am physically in the office a few less hours, to accommodate our child care arrangements. I take more work home with me for after LO's bedtime, where I used to never take work home. My productivity is similar, maybe slightly less, but I also know now, that I will never aim to be a top producer where I work now. I have no desire to work 60+ hours a week anymore. I have also decided that if this effects my reputation or work environment that I will start looking for another job, and we have started saving additionally for this contingency plan. (It can take months to get set up in a new position in my field.)

ETA: I guess my line in the sand is a 50 hr workweek. If I did 60+ I would literally NEVER see LO.

Specifically for maternity leave, I told them I would take twelve weeks off, but came back part time at eight weeks and ramped up to full time by twelve. My thought is I try to give my job basic expectations then surpass them it will make them value me as a working mom as opposed to constantly striving to match high expectations and falling short.

@Mrs. Jacks: my bosses used to tell me to go home all the time I do have the reputation of being a hard worker so I imagine that will help me after my mat leave.

I am also an attorney and had a demanding firm job. We waited until I had been there for a while before TTC because I didn't want to get mommy-tracked. I had all of the same concerns that you had. Unfortunately we have had a hard time TTC and have been at it for 18 months now. When we started seeing a doctor about infertility I got even more concerned about my career. I got to the point where I just couldn't handle the pressure and stress. TTC can be extremely emotionally hard, and then there was stress from the job. I tried to do it all, but in the end, I just wasn't happy about any of it.
I ended up changing jobs 2 months ago to an in-house counsel position with more of a work/life balance. This works more for us. We are still TTC and I figure I need to put in the extra effort now so that when we do get our BFP I won't feel so guilty leaving for maternity leave. I think you just have to prove your worth now and see what happens.

Granted, I know A LOT of women who have left firms for state/county or in-house jobs. So maybe that's what it will take...

@Mrs. Jacks: Yes it sounds like support is key, whether that's a SO who has more time to spend with them, getting grandparents to help, or finding a fabulous nanny like you have!

@Lindsayinny: That is a common way of dealing with it at my firm and not something I'm particularly interested in doing. I understand it's how she can make billables and get quality time in with her LO, but I feel that my SO deserves some of my time too. I'm not judging ones who follow that path, I just don't see it as my solution. Not quite sure if there IS a solution hahahah. But it's nice to be able to talk to others and see how they handle it.

@NorCalWayfarer: Like you already mentioned, my long-term/post-baby goal is to go in-house. I'm not the bread winner in our household but, regardless, I have student loans and an advanced degree I killed myself to get and not working isn't an option for me. Nor is it something I want to do. So if it means I have to take a non-firm or non-traditional job then I'm okay with that.

@NorCalWayfarer: I'm nervous about this too, as i don't want to be mommy-tracked. But we took this into account when we set our TTC timeline. I thought long and hard about it and realized that, at least at my firm, it's not necessarily going to happen as long as i prove myself by coming back and working hard after LO is born. There was no way i could wait until making partner before having kids, because it's too far away, but my immediate boss is probably 5 or less years from retirement, and they'll have to either promote or sidestep me at that point. I realized if I have a kid now, and come right back, it was more likely to put me in line for that promotion down the line, rather than if i waited a few years and got pregnant shortly before he left. I can't tell you how it will work out, but i'd like to think it will, because i intend to have it "all"

@Mrs. Jacks: I've definitely realized a good nanny will be the key to making this work. I'm just terrified about starting that process, because I imagine it's a bit like finding a needle in a haystack in my hood!

@SupernovaJ: If you deal with it the right way, i don't think it has to ever cross your boss's mind that you are not serious about your job simply because you want a family. I plan to explain to them how important my job is to me and how hard I'm going to work to maintain my career. Many people even say becoming a mom made them better at their jobs! It's just about finding the right balance.

@bamblm: That's what I've been thinking!!

We've also been figuring out ways to maximize our time at home. We have someone coming to clean every 3 weeks (right now), order groceries online for delivery and send our laundry and drycleaning out to be done. Less to deal with on the weekend and more together time!

@LindsayInNY: this! We have recently discovered online grocery shopping, and our new building sends out for dry cleaning. It was getting hard having time to do it all and work, and we don't even have kids at the moment!

Luckily since I'm govt I don't have a set amount of hours to meet a year per se. But we do have to bill hours, and I don't want to come up as "lacking." But like others said, gotta learn to be even more efficient at work!

@dc yoga bee: We've always sent DH's drycleaning out (luckily we have delivery available too) and I don't have it that often or regularly. The laundry is new but taking some adjusting since I'm a control person. I have to let go and realize it might be folded differently, etc. but at the end of the day, it's saving me time! I was doing it all before on the weekends but then it sucked up one whole day!!

@bamblm: Where do you order toiletries through?! That's definitely something I should consider. Although I do love CVS

@dc yoga bee: I need to suck it up and sign up for Amazon Prime... Is it really a better deal than a sale in-store though?! And yes, laundry!! Look for places with "wash and fold" services! I'm sure there are some in the DC-area. They do it by pound so I wash our sheets/towels (since they're heavier) and anything that can't go in the dryer every couple of weekends. It's amazing!

@Pirouette: you'll find someone great! We just learned over time what was crucially important an what wasn't at all. It took a little trial and error, but we got there. Don't fear the process, just dig in an recognize what you can train and what you can safely let go of. But our nanny helps us clean and cook and pick up the kids, which makes life so much easier.